DEAR READERS: When I recently asked to hear from people who kept the ashes of their loved ones, I had no inkling of the blizzard of letters that would hit my desk. It seems I was right when I said the practice was not all that unusual. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: My husband was a wonderful man. When he died, I was too old to drive to the cemetery, and I knew I couldn't care for his grave, so I had him cremated and kept the ashes. However, I do not keep them displayed. They are kept in my bedroom, and every time I dust, I tell him how much I miss him. I am alone now, but happy at 77 years old. -- MARIA IN RENO, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: My mother died this past June. My father, brother and I had her cremated. Her ashes are in a nice wooden box with a gold plaque stating her date of birth, etc. My grandmother (Mom's mother) was upset because she wanted Mom to be buried in New Jersey with the family. My father suggested that my mother's ashes be buried with my grandmother when her time comes. She loved the idea. For now, though, Mom is on the mantel, and no, we don't think it's strange at all. -- SUSAN IN PRINCE GEORGE, VA.

DEAR ABBY: My son died in 1993. He wanted to be cremated. I have his ashes in a nice urn in a private corner of my house. When the time comes, my husband will have this urn placed in my coffin with me. It will be done at the last closing, so the public will not see. -- ASHES IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: I displayed the ashes of my late husband in a beautiful Chinese urn on the coffee table. Only a select few knew the contents of the urn, among them a man I had begun to seriously date. Rather than being bothered by it, he said he loved anyone who had loved me. And in keeping with that generosity of spirit, when he asked me to marry him, he toasted me by first clinking my wine glass, and then leaning forward to clink the urn. When it comes to love, I am twice blessed. -- J.R. IN BEVERLY HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I have had my lovely wife's ashes in my home for two years and 10 months. I'm proud to have them with me. I talk to her ashes and say good morning and good night to them each day. I also kiss her picture when I get up and when I go to bed. I see nothing wrong with this. I miss her so much, and sometimes this helps. We were married 47 years. Anyone who tells me to get rid of the ashes can take a hike! -- ASHES IN BATH, PA.

DEAR ABBY: We are a military family and don't plan to stay in this area. Four months ago, our 2 1/2-year-old son died after a 19-month battle with kidney tumors. The idea of burying him and later leaving him here was unthinkable, so we chose to have him cremated. Because we wanted to make his urn personal, but didn't have much money, we used a bronze box urn and placed it inside a large Winnie-the-Pooh, Joshua's favorite cartoon character, that now sits on Joshua's bed.

Keeping our son's ashes in the house doesn't mean we can't love our other children (No. 2 is due in four months). Likewise, the widow probably still loves her late husband, but that doesn't mean she can't also love the man who wrote to you. He should respect the relationship she once had and not be so threatened. -- ERIN IN TUSTIN, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband balks at doing his household chores, I threaten to put his ashes in an hourglass and keep him working for eternity. I might very well do it, too! -- ELSE MILLER, WILMINGTON, DEL.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last Christmas I was blessed with a visit from my daughter and her family. When it came time for them to leave, however, my granddaughter cried her heart out. We couldn't get the tears to stop until I said, "Let's ask Mom if you can spend part of the summer with me." My daughter agreed, but now I am faced with a problem. The trip entails two or three changes of airplanes.

When I discussed my concern with a friend, she told me that her granddaughter had made a plane trip requiring two airplane changes each way. In order to ensure her safety, my friend gave the flight attendant $40 ($20 for each plane the child was taking). This was done for the return trip also. I was surprised that she had tipped the flight staff, but she assured me that this is what is done today.

Is tipping a requirement to guarantee the safety of a child flying alone, or do the airlines still provide personal attention for children without handing gratuities to the flight staff? -- GRANDMOTHER JUDITH, LAWTON, OKLA.

DEAR JUDITH: Your friend was misinformed. I checked with three major airlines, and all three had similar policies regarding children traveling alone. None of them allows flight attendants to accept tips.

In order to fly alone, a child must be at least 5 years old. There is an additional fee for an unaccompanied child, but it is part of the cost of the ticket. However, fees vary, depending on the airline and the number of connecting flights.

DEAR ABBY: To "Concerned Daughter," whose elderly mother is taking medication she got from several doctors and trading pills with friends, I say: Go to Mom's house, collect her pill bottles, write down the names and phone numbers and contents of each. Make a list of medications Mom swaps with her pals. Call all the doctors and tell them exactly what Mom is taking and who is prescribing what. Ask specific questions and ask each if he (or she) is aware that Mom is seeing Doctors So-and-So. Then mail each doctor a note giving the names of all her physicians and the names and dosages of all her medications.

I am a health-care provider who almost lost one of my patients to this same type of drug addiction. Once I recognized there was a problem and spoke with the doctors, they began to consult with one another. The patient had to be hospitalized and evaluated, and go through a drug rehabilitation program.

Abby, in my opinion, it's an honor to become my parents' protector. They protected me when I was young, and now it's my turn to protect them.

"Concerned Daughter," please take my advice immediately -- you could be saving your mother's life. -- SPOKE UP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SPOKE UP: I'm printing your letter for all of the "Concerned Daughters" out there. Your patients are fortunate to have such a caring and proactive health-care provider.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was upset by the letter from the woman who was upset because her sister-in-law and mother announced to friends that she had breast cancer. Her anger will not help her through her ordeal.

Last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Because of the short time frame (I found out on Wednesday and a radical mastectomy was performed on Friday), I had time to alert only my immediate family and two close friends. When the members of my church and all my other friends found out, their outpouring of love and prayers speeded my healing process. Without the love, understanding and help of my family and friends, my recovery would have been less rapid.

A member of a breast cancer support group called and invited me to a meeting. These new friends have provided me with emotional support that only a survivor could give; their sense of humor in the face of life-threatening illness cannot be rivaled. They have the latest news on medicines and techniques. We have speakers on all subjects relating to cancer.

Because I informed my friends about my cancer, at least one called her doctor immediately and scheduled the mammogram she had been postponing. Another friend was just beginning radiation, and since I had already started mine, I was able to tell her what to expect.

Breast cancer has opened up a whole new world for me -- a world of positives, because life may be too short to worry about the negatives.

Be proud that you survived. Reach out to others and let them reach out to you. With insurance companies reluctant to fund reconstructive surgery, we need as many people as we can get to fight for our side. You may use my name. -- JO ANN C. WALL, CHESAPEAKE, VA.

DEAR JO ANN: You have my sympathy for the ordeal you have experienced, and there is little doubt your positive attitude has played an important role in your recovery.

Early detection is critical in managing breast cancer, as many readers reminded me after I printed the letter from "Hurting in Kansas." A young woman from Cincinnati said it best:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old female, writing to you in the hope that my story might save or prolong the lives of other young women.

On Dec. 26, 1996, just two days before my wedding, I found a small lump in my right breast. Because of the chaos of the holidays and family members arriving from out of town, I decided to say nothing and to pursue no action at that time. A week later, on our honeymoon, I showed the lump to my husband and expressed my concern. We agreed I would have it looked at upon our return.

I have since had a lumpectomy and auxiliary lymph nodes removed (some of the nodes were positive), and begun intensive high-dose chemotherapy with radiation treatments to follow. My outlook is very positive and I feel certain I can win this battle.

I am not writing for sympathy. I'm writing to alert your readers that this could happen to them, and to make them more aware of their role in early detection. Breast cancer does not run in my family. My mother, aunt, sister and cousins are all older than I and have never had an incident. Many physicians do not advise young women of their risk of breast cancer, and the majority of my friends don't know how to do breast self-examinations. No one is concerned until a woman is over 40, and even then there's some controversy regarding the effectiveness of mammograms.

This is not a disease that cares how old you are. Please, Abby, implore your women readers over 20 to do self-checks, have an annual examination by a physician, and begin mammographies early if they feel they are at risk. -- GINGER KELLY, CINCINNATI

DEAR GINGER: No need to implore my readers; you just did, and most effectively. Thank you for writing, and best wishes for a full and speedy recovery.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)