DEAR ABBY: I work in an office with many other women. Over the years, the happier in life I have become, the more jealous and petty these women have become toward me.

Abby, I come to work on time, do my job, try to be pleasant to everyone and go home. I adore my bosses, and I cannot understand the serpent's tongues of my co-workers.

Another woman in the office has mentioned the meanness of some of the people we work with, so it isn't just my own perceptions. I am not a confrontational person and I do not wish to return ugliness for ugliness, so I don't know how to defend myself against these sharp-tongued women. Sometimes the nastiness is very subtle -- it can be a smirk or the tone of voice -- and there isn't any obvious thing to address.

My job pays extremely well and I have been here for many years. I have many benefits and prefer not to leave. Have you any suggestions? -- "LOIS" IN SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR "LOIS": Yes. Keep your private life completely separate from your professional life. Give these women nothing to fuel their jealousy. When something good happens to you, do not discuss it at the office. Be pleasant, but restrict your conversation to subjects that are work-related only. If you do this, they will have to find someone else to be the target of their sniping.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is to offer advice rather than to seek it. It's directed toward people who are planning to relocate after they retire. I would suggest to them that they live in the area in which they are planning to move for at least one year before making a final decision, and to make sure they are paying a fair market price before they buy.

My wife and I bought a home in Florida, thinking it would be the ideal place to retire. There is considerable development going on in the area. While it is a nice community, w have found it is not really what we wanted. We would like to sell our home and move.

Abby, the home we purchased has been on the market with a nationally known real estate company for two years. During that period we have had only one offer and it was for a price well below that for which it listed. (The house is listed at $20,000 less than what we paid for it three years ago.) If it does sell, after the commissions are paid, we will realize a loss of more than $25,000.

I would urge those contemplating retirement to avoid buying until they are absolutely sure. I guarantee it will save them a lot of time, money, frustration and disappointment. -- SADDER AND WISER IN FLORIDA

DEAR SADDER AND WISER: Thanks for sharing your expensive lesson with my readers, and for the reminder that a prudent investor carefully sizes up the market before investing in anything.

DEAR ABBY: Among the letters you printed about transsexuals using the ladies room was one from a woman who noticed the shoes on the person in the stall next to hers were pointed the "wrong" way, and she was outraged.

That letter made me laugh because a couple of years ago my bladder, for all intents and purposes, ceased functioning and I had a urostomy operation. In plain English, that means I now have a tube inside attached to a bag outside, and when I go to the ladies room to empty it, my shoes also point the "wrong way" and I occasionally wonder if anyone ever notices.

People shouldn't jump to conclusions -- especially about things that are none of their business. Please do not use my name if you print this. -- THE GIRL NEXT DOOR

DEAR GIRL NEXT DOOR: Most people are not privy to this kind of information, so thank you for speaking out. You were 100 percent on target when you stated that people shouldn't jump to conclusions.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently lost both of my parents within three months of each other. My oldest son was very close to his grandparents, and when I tried to find a reasonably recent picture of them, I had difficulty finding one.

I'm the one who takes the photos, but I'm rarely in one. I've used several excuses: too fat, I don't photograph well, etc. But after trying to locate a picture for my son, I began to think, "If something should happen to me, would my children have any photos to remember me by -- or to show to their future families?"

Abby, perhaps this can help change the minds of other camera-shy people. The people who love you don't care how photogenic you are. Also, remember to photograph the people you see every day, because one day they won't be there anymore. -- HOLLY W., BANGOR, MAINE

DEAR HOLLY: Thank you for a valuable letter. And while I'm on the subject of family pictures: Readers, take time to go through that box of pictures you've stored in the back of your closet and write the names (and dates) on each one while you can still remember them.

DEAR ABBY: My first wife and I got married right out of high school. She was the girl of my dreams, and I was ecstatic to possess her. I couldn't have been happier. Then my father died, leaving me a seven-day-a-week business that didn't allow much time for my marriage. When she had a problem, I was frequently too tired to listen. She wasn't a pushy woman, and it was easy for me to believe the problem had resolved itself when she stopped bringing it up. How wrong I was!

After six years of marriage, she found someone who made her feelings a priority. Apparently he took the time to listen to her. My best friend and my former wife are now very happy together.

I am now 28 and married for the second time. There are still times when I find myself reverting to old habits. Sometimes I'm very tired, but I know I must make the effort to hear what she has to say -- or I will lose her, too.

I hope my first and second wives both read this letter, because I would like to say I'm sorry to my first wife, and thank you to my second.

Abby, to your other male readers, I say, "Remember, there's always someone out there willing to console a hurting woman. Don't give him the chance." -- STILL LEARNING OUT WEST

DEAR STILL LEARNING: That's sage advice from someone who learned an expensive lesson in communication.

DEAR ABBY: I am part of a car pool to after-school activities, and at my mother's instructions, I always say "Thank you" to the driver after getting out of the car.

My friends question this, saying the parent has offered to drive us, so a "thank you" is not necessary.

Abby, isn't it rude to get out of a car, after being given a ride, without so much as a "goodbye and thank you"? -- SANTA ROSA

DEAR SANTA ROSA: Yes, it is rude. Your friends who say a "thank you" is not necessary are mistaken. I advise you to continue to thank the driver after every ride.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Because prejudice and discrimination are so hurtful, I think we should do away with them in our public schools.

Abby, what is more discriminatory than the senior prom?

The poor, the frugal, the shy, the unpopular, the plain and the dateless are excluded. Many parents cannot afford all that is involved in this rite of passage: formal wear, corsages, limousines. The kid who is saving his cash for college, the student who has no "significant other," is a reject on the eve of what should be a joyous camaraderie including all members of the senior class.

Instead, this occasion has too often turned into a boisterous bash with overnight parties, drugs, drunk driving and death.

The above combination has made a farce of what was once a sensible, meaningful event. One father hired a horse-drawn carriage to transport his daughter to the prom!

I'm ready for a lot of flak in response to this letter, but I feel that there are many parents (and students) out there who agree with me, but are afraid to express it. -- D.B. IN OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR D.B.: Every year the newspapers carry pictures of handsome young men and beautiful girl graduates who have died in fiery automobile crashes on prom night. Rather than completely doing away with this rite of passage, it should be rethought. Some schools have already done this by transporting the young people to and from the dance or party in buses, and keeping the celebration alcohol-free. Others have turned it into a special night out (to a play, a theme park, etc.) that doesn't require a date.

I would be interested to hear what other schools and parents are doing to safeguard their young people on graduation night.

DEAR ABBY: Who says what's "right" when a woman wants to have a formal second wedding? My sister has been married once before. Her wedding was very large and very formal. She is now engaged again to a young man who has never been married.

Her wedding party started out to be six, including the bride and groom. It has now been reduced to four. We will all be dressed in gowns and tuxedos.

This is the late '90s, and we're heading into a new century. My sister feels there is nothing wrong with a second formal wedding as long as it's the first for the groom, and I agree.

If it's the bride's first wedding and the groom's second, no one would comment. But when it's the bride's second and the groom's first, why must it be small and informal? Shouldn't it be up to the bride and groom, rather than anyone else?

My sister's wedding will be small, with a few friends and the immediate family, but some of the traditions will be included, such as throwing the bridal bouquet, first dance, dollar dance, photographs, father-daughter dance, etc.

What are your thoughts on this? -- FORMAL OR NOT, BOWDOIN, MAINE

DEAR FORMAL OR NOT: I agree with your sister. Since it is the groom's first wedding, I see no reason why he should be penalized because his bride has been previously married.

The old rules about what is appropriate have relaxed in recent years. It is perfectly acceptable for the couple to have a formal wedding with all the trimmings.

My congratulations and best wishes to the happy couple.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)