DEAR ABBY: Today is Sunday, April 20, 1997, the first day of Organ Donor Week. I just sat down with the morning paper for the first time in a week and read your article on organ donation. It was so timely.

Last Sunday at 1 a.m., George Paul Eldridge III, my 26-year-old son, had an automobile accident. We were told the brain damage was so severe there was no hope. Some time later, a doctor asked how we felt about donating organs. His father and I, along with the rest of the family, agreed that we wanted a part of him to live on in others. He was so giving and caring, we knew that would have been his wish.

An EEG was done on Sunday and again on Monday. It showed only minimal brain activity. I still hoped for a miracle, but by Tuesday, April 15, when the final EEG was done, he was declared brain-dead.

We buried this wonderful young man on Friday, but I find comfort in knowing he has helped others. We have already been informed that a 19-year-old girl received one of his kidneys, and a 33-year-old man with two children received his heart.

I urge anyone in this situation to do as we did and give other families hope for a future. -- PAM HALEY, LITTLE ROCK, ARK.

DEAR MRS. HALEY: I offer my deepest sympathy on the tragic and untimely death of your beloved son. You and the rest of the family are to be commended for your act of generosity in the midst of your own shock and grief.

From your description of George Paul Eldridge III, the man who received his heart (and the spirit within it) is fortunate indeed.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I will be getting married in July, after an 18-month engagement. We have worked very hard on our wedding plans to make sure our special day is as perfect as possible.

Throughout our engagement, my future mother-in-law has been nothing but trouble. There have been many problems, but one has been especially upsetting. Early on, my future mother-in-law talked about giving me a big family bridal shower. I thought this was fine. As the months went by, the shower date kept changing. Now she says she wants to have a combination baby shower for her daughter, my future sister-in-law, and bridal shower for me, six days before our wedding.

Am I selfish because I want a separate bridal shower? I plan on getting married only once, and want everything to be "special." How can I explain to my future mother-in-law that I would rather not have a bridal shower at all than to share it with someone who should have a shower of her own also? -- HURT IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR HURT: You are not being selfish. You and your future sister-in-law are both celebrating very special events in your lives, and each of you should have an individual shower.

According to the etiquette books, neither shower should be given by your future mother-in-law. As I have explained in my booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding," showers are never given by either the bride's immediate family or her fiance's. Generally the maid of honor, a bridal attendant or another close friend -- anyone who is not related -- gives the bridal shower. And the appropriate time for it is approximately six WEEKS before the wedding, not six days.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Penniless for the Prom": I am a junior in high school and am on the prom commission. Our school budgets for this kind of problem. "Penniless" should talk to the prom adviser (usually one of the teachers) because a reduced ticket price is available for those who cannot afford it. The money saved on tickets can then be spent on other necessities -- like a tux. Also, get your group to go to someone's house and prepare dinner instead of eating out, and car-pool instead of using expensive transportation. -- READY FOR THE PROM, SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR READY FOR THE PROM: I'm sure that "Penniless" will appreciate your helpful hints -- as will other high school students in the same boat. Many other generous readers took the time to send their suggestions. Read on for more:

DEAR ABBY: I thought you'd enjoy knowing how we spent prom night at our home:

Our daughter, a junior, wanted to attend the prom this year. She didn't want a date, but preferred to go with a group of friends. Seven of them got together and paid for their own tickets, which were a reasonable $10 each. They each contributed another $10, which paid for their dinner and flowers.

That morning a friend taught us how to make corsages and they turned out beautifully. We took the extra flowers and made three beautiful floral arrangements for the dining table. Other mothers helped in different ways to make the evening special. A close friend who's a college senior served as the waiter for the evening. We made a wonderful Italian meal, and tried to stay out of the kids' way.

It was a fantastic night for everyone. They are already planning to do the same thing next year. What great memories we have, and no one went broke in the process! -- JUDY AND ALAN PANNELL, FERNLEY, NEV.

DEAR ABBY: If a high school boy wants to take a girl to the prom and needs money, please tell him to earn it. He could knock on neighbors' doors and offer to do yard work, clean windows, wash cars, walk or groom dogs, etc. I did this with a friend in 1974, and I earned enough in one weekend. -- GARY NAJARIAN, SCITUATE, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl who just attended my first prom at another school. I was appalled by the fact that tickets cost $95. (At my school they cost $10 a couple and seniors go free.)

My advice to "Penniless" is: If you need extra money, call some local business and explain your dilemma. Many plant nurseries are very busy during the spring and could probably use an extra hand for a couple of Saturdays before the prom.

I would also advise making some adjustments to prom night: Instead of renting a limousine, clean up your -- or your parents' -- car for the big night. Call restaurants around town and ask if they have a set menu. (They usually give you a choice of two dishes and everyone makes their selection in advance.) The set menu is usually much cheaper, and you are spared the embarrassment of not having enough money to pay the bill. To save gas money, ask another couple to ride with you and split the cost of the fuel.

If you still can't afford it, ask the girl and explain your dilemma. I'm sure she'll be excited and willing to share the cost -- but still as "more than friends." (I know I would.)

I hope this is helpful. Don't skip your senior prom. It's something you will never forget. -- GINNY SMITH, LAKE CHARLES, LA.

DEAR GINNY AND THE MANY READERS WHO OFFERED THEIR PROM NIGHT SUGGESTIONS: Prom night has evolved into an end-of-the-year bash for many high school students and their parents, and it's not unheard-of for kids to drop hundreds of dollars on limousines, hotel rooms for all-night after-prom parties, and other expensive items. It's refreshing to see that with a little ingenuity and cooperation among friends, it's still possible to have a memorable night without breaking the bank.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Recently here in the Santa Rosa area, a police officer shot and killed a man who was behaving in an irrational manner. He was advancing toward the officer with a wooden bar in his hand.

A few weeks ago, a man was killed at a service station because he attacked a police officer with a screwdriver.

Abby, I think I have a way for the police to protect themselves without killing anybody if they feel threatened.

I have always enjoyed "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom." When they have shown episodes where they were checking on the health of a potentially dangerous creature such as an elephant, rhino, etc., they shot the creature with a tranquilizer before approaching it!

It seems to me that having a tranquilizer gun in his hand instead of a .357-caliber Magnum would give the police the means to gain control of an incident, and allow everyone to go home to their families without being in a coffin.

Why can't the police use a tranquilizer gun in cases where they feel threatened? -- WAYNE IN SANTA ROSA, CALIF.

DEAR WAYNE: That's an interesting question, and one that I took to James Butts, chief of police in Santa Monica, Calif., who responded, "Tranquilizing agents don't affect everyone uniformly. Therefore you cannot predict whether or not you have a sufficient dose to tranquilize the individual.

"Second, any tranquilizer will take time to enter the bloodstream and sedate the individual. If someone is advancing on you with a deadly weapon or a threatening object, there's no way a tranquilizer would take effect in the two to three seconds it would take someone to seriously injure you."

DEAR ABBY: My brother and his wife moved to Paris, France, for business reasons about 10 months ago. Since then, I've been put in an awkward situation, having been appointed their U.S. domestic secretary on matters ranging from summer camp registration to resolving old traffic tickets, banking and even the filing of income tax extension forms.

In the beginning, I didn't mind being asked. I am organized, efficient and get the job done. I also feel that my children and their cousins have always been close, and that's important to me.

However, I am at my wit's end and want to bow out of any other assignments from abroad. Also, I have yet to receive one thank-you note or phone call of thanks from my brother's wife, who is known to be selfish and very self-centered.

Abby, how can this situation come to an amicable solution without upsetting all involved? I don't want the harmony among the six cousins to be damaged in any way. -- HAD IT IN LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR HAD IT: Begin filling your communications with your brother and sister-in-law with how busy you are catering to the needs of your husband, your children and your job (if you have one). If you are given another assignment, explain that your schedule does not permit you to do it "right now." Gradually wean them from their dependence on you. As you become less available, they'll either get the message or find a more willing domestic secretary.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to ask if you know how the story of the birds and bees goes.

I often hear people mention the story, but they never say how it goes. Please put this in your column because I know there are other kids who would like to know. Thank you. -- A KID IN PORT RICHEY, FLA.

DEAR KID: There is no "story." When someone makes reference to "the birds and the bees," they mean the story of "reproduction" -- how they came into the world. This is sometimes called "sex education."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)