DEAR ABBY: You printed a query from a Baptist regarding the secrecy of the Catholic confessional. The writer asked whether a priest would disclose the confession of a murder if disclosure would save the life of a wrongly convicted person who is to be executed for a crime he did not commit.

The response from Cardinal Roger Mahoney of Los Angeles stated that the priest could refuse absolution to the real murderer if he refused to turn himself in to the police, but under no circumstances could the priest break the secrecy seal of the confessional, even to save the life of the innocent person who is about to be executed.

As an ethics teacher in a Catholic college, I find this answer unsatisfactory. When I discuss such dilemmas with students, I encourage them to find a solution that will respect the moral demands of both horns of the dilemma. In this case, the priest should try to save the life of the innocent convict while also respecting the confidentiality of his penitent.

For example, the priest could document the details provided by the real murderer and take the statement to appropriate authorities, while keeping the identity of the murderer anonymous. Although the priest's evidence is hearsay and may not be admissible in a trial court, his willingness to swear that he has heard the confession of the murderer and is convinced it is authentic should at least lead authorities to reconsider the planned execution.

Cardinal Mahoney's argument for absolute secrecy on grounds that penitents could stop using the sacrament if they were not guaranteed secrecy is parallel to arguments made by psychiatrists in the Tarasoff case, where a patient had told his psychiatrist he planned to kill his girlfriend and then carried out the threat. On appeal, the California Supreme Court rejected the psychiatrist's argument supporting absolute confidentiality, saying that a psychiatrist had a duty to warn or protect an identifiable potential victim, and enunciated the principle now universally accepted by psychiatrists, therapists and social workers.

Confidentiality is limited by the right of others not to be harmed, and is most strongly limited by the right to life held by innocent persons. -- CAROL A TAUER, ST. PAUL, MINN.

DEAR MS. TAUER: When I printed the question, and then Cardinal Mahoney's response, I had no idea it would generate such a flood of angry letters. Some were from Catholics accusing me of having printed an "anti-Catholic, trick question." However, most were from readers who vigorously disagreed with the church's position on allowing an innocent person to die for a crime he did not commit.

Since I am not of the Catholic faith, I hesitate to criticize church doctrine. However, I think your letter is an important one, and your argument has merit.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading about another senseless crime. A high school student fatally gunned down his high school principal and one of his "tormentors." The most troubling part of the tragedy is that the killer's friends knew that he had frequently made death threats. However, they didn't think he would carry it through because it was "just, you know, teen talk."

Anyone who considers this kind of conversation "just talk" is making a terrible mistake by not confiding in someone who can help. I am out of high school only 16 years, but no one in our school ever spoke that way. Is violence the only way people believe they can solve their problems? -- SCARED MOTHER OF TWO

DEAR SCARED MOTHER: Don't be too hard on teen-agers who may not have realized the seriousness of such a threat. However, let me go on record: Death threats and threats of suicide are both serious, and should be reported to a responsible adult. They are indications of serious underlying problems for which professional intervention is essential.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It's happening again! What is the matter with people? Year after year, pet owners leave their poor animals in hot cars. It is so hard for me to understand how they could be so lacking in common sense.

I'm enclosing a clipping from the Albany, N.Y., Times Union describing our first reported case. It was an 80-degree day and the poor dog was left in a closed car for 70 minutes!

I live near a tourist area, and every summer people visit the outlet malls and leave their dogs in the car with a window only slightly cracked. This infuriates me!

Please, Abby, tell your many readers to either leave their pets at home, or have one person remain in the car with the pet while the others shop. A simple rule of thumb is: If you can't sit in your car with the windows cracked for 5, 10 or 15 minutes because you're too hot, then so is your dog, who's wearing a fur coat. And remember, a day can be breezy and feel cool, but the sun is still very hot and can heat up a car in a matter of minutes.

Thanks, Abby, for helping to take care of these defenseless animals. -- ALBANY, N.Y., ANIMAL LOVER

DEAR ANIMAL LOVER: Thank you for a letter that may save some thoughtless pet owner a good deal of grief.

The Animal Protection Institute, P.O. Box 22505, Sacramento, Calif. 95822, sells cards that can be placed under the windshield wipers on the cars of thoughtless pet owners.

The printed message reads: "Your dog may be dying! We understand you meant to be kind by taking your dog with you today, but you could be risking your pet's life.

"On a hot summer day, the inside of a car heats up very quickly. On an average 85-degree day, for example, the temperature inside your car -- with the window slightly opened -- will reach 102 degrees in 10 minutes. In 30 minutes it will go up to 120 degrees. On warmer days, it will go even higher.

"A dog's normal body temperature is 101.5 to 102.2 degrees Fahrenheit. A dog can withstand a body temperature of 107 to 108 degrees Fahrenheit for only a very short time before suffering irreparable brain damage -- or even death. The closed car interferes with the dog's normal cooling process, that is, evaporation through panting.

"If your dog is overcome by heat exhaustion, you can give immediate first aid by immersing him or her in cold water until the body temperature is lowered."

These cards sell for only $3 per 100. Allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.

DEAR ABBY: We received this letter the night before our daughter's wedding. It was Linda's gift to us. If you have room in your column, I am sure it will touch many people's hearts, as it did ours.

"Dearest Parents: On our wedding day, as my husband and I take our vows and make promises to each other, I make this promise to you as well. Even as I take him into my heart and life, I promise to keep you, parents dear, in my heart and life always.

"On this day, know that our love is not divided; it is multiplied, and you are embraced with the full measure of love and promises that he and I share here today.

"For I know that I am able to love and cherish him so much because you loved and cherished me first." -- BLOSSOM R. HOLLANDER, LOS ANGELES

DEAR BLOSSOM: What a beautiful tribute to you and your husband as parents, and to your daughter as well. Congratulations -- you raised a winner.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We read your column with the letters from breast cancer survivors, and couldn't agree more that early detection is the key to preventing breast cancer. Mammographies are the best tool we have for early detection.

We have introduced legislation in the U.S. Senate to reauthorize the Mammography Quality Standards Act (MOSA) to ensure national standards for mammograms. This crucial law was originally authored by Sen. Mikulski in 1992, but will expire this year if it is not renewed.

Mammography is our most powerful weapon in the war against breast cancer, but only if it's done safely, accurately and by trained personnel. We need uniform national standards so women can be assured that the mammogram they get in any clinic across the country, from Maryland to Texas to Minnesota, is safe, effective and reliable, and that the results are read accurately. Since 1992, more than 9,000 of the 10,000 mammography facilities nationwide have been inspected and accredited by the federal government.

When we introduced the legislation, we sent around an historic "Dear Colleague" letter asking for support. It began, "We, the women of the United States Senate, invite you, the men of the United States Senate, to join us ..." And the good news is -- they did! Right now, we have 47 senators, Republicans and Democrats, men and women, signed on to support this important legislation. A companion bill has been introduced in the House of Representatives by Congresswomen Eleanor Holmes Norton, D-D.C., and Nancy Johnson, R-Conn.

Please encourage your readers to write their representatives or senators and urge them to support the Mammography Quality Standards Act. -- SEN. BARBARA A. MIKULSKI, D-MD., AND SEN. KAY BAILEY HUTCHISON, R-TEXAS

DEAR SENS. MIKULSKI AND HUTCHISON: I wholeheartedly lend my support. Such standards are crucial to women from coast to coast.

Readers, it is worth the effort to take pen in hand and drop a note (or postcard) to your elected representatives in Washington urging their support of the Mammography Quality Standards Act (MOSA). It will ensure national standards for mammograms, guaranteeing high-quality screenings for breast cancer, as well as peace of mind for those who need it.

DEAR ABBY: My only sister recently suggested that she stop giving gifts for special occasions to my three children who have reached the age of 20, but I should continue to give HER children (who are 6 and 8 years old) gifts until they reach the age of 20.

I am uncomfortable shopping for gifts for her children while she totally ignores mine. What do you think?

Please rush your answer because this disagreement is affecting our relationship. -- APPALLED IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR APPALLED: I agree with your sister. Your children are adults. She has given them gifts for the last 20 years. You should do the same for her children without demanding tit for tat. But suggest that she send cards to your children on important occasions.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)