DEAR ABBY: Bingo players, beware! What does your husband or wife do while you are playing bingo five nights a week?

My friend told me she saw my husband, who is 71, get into a car with a "hussy" who is about 50. I decided to see if there was any truth to her story, so after my husband and I had dinner one night, I had him drop me off at the bingo parlor. He said he was going home, so I said I would ride home with a friend.

I had hired a detective who waited in a parking lot nearby and we followed my husband. Soon he parked his car and got into hers. What we saw made me ill, but I have never confronted him with my knowledge. Our religion frowns on divorce, so I just pray the old goat wakes up before he kills himself. He has broken my heart and if I were younger, he would be following me in the dust.

Do you think I did the right thing to quit bingo? -- B-9 in TENNESSEE

DEAR B-9: Only if giving up your game forced your husband to give up the game HE was playing.

DEAR ABBY: I agree with "Sally B." who finds exposed bra straps absolutely disgusting and tacky.

I wonder why women dress this way, especially in this day and age when you can walk into virtually any department store (even discount stores) and find bras of all shapes, styles and colors designed to function invisibly under almost any type of garment on the market. Many bras have convertible straps so they can be worn X-back, halter-style, one strap or strapless. They make bustiers to be worn under backless dresses, and when all else fails, they have ones like giant lace Band-Aids so one doesn't "jiggle." So the only excuse for exposed bras straps is plain laziness.

I'd like to add my pet peeve: white bras showing plainly through thin blouses. Don't these women know flesh tones exist? I hate seeing professional women who wear beautiful white blouses ruining the effect because their undergarments show through. Do they really want people looking at their bras all day? -- D.B. IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR D.B.: I was caught off guard by the number of people who responded to that letter -- there have been hundreds. Most of the writers agree with you and "Sally B.," but a few wrote to tell me they think exposed bra straps are sexy. Go figure. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm in complete agreement with "Sally B.'s" disgust with exposed bra straps. Many women do this consciously, especially teen-age girls. For some reason, they think it is sexy or attractive for everyone to know what color or how lacy their bras are. It disgusts me. Not only is it incredibly tacky, it shows complete disregard for the fact that underwear is supposed to stay under the clothing. To top it off, the women who expose their most intimate apparel act as if they didn't know there was a solution.

I worked in lingerie for about a year, and I happen to know there are bras especially made for those revealing tops. There is absolutely no need to walk around displaying your undergarments. All it takes is one quick trip to a department or specialty store to correct this embarrassing problem. Ask the salesclerk for a convertible bra -- she'll be happy to help.

Is it just me, Abby, or are panty lines equally disgusting? -- REPULSED 19-YEAR-OLD IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR REPULSED: I suspect that teen-agers do it out of ignorance of the fact that there's a solution to the problem, or because they are imitating Madonna -- who originated the underwear-as-outerwear fad. Or, perhaps, they're so proud of the fact that they finally need to wear a bra they can't resist drawing attention to it.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for three years and love my husband dearly; however, I'm very close to leaving him. Why? Because I feel invisible. I'm a good wife and do everything within my power to make him happy, but when he comes home from work, he greets me with a "hi" -- then he greets our three dogs with petting and words of love. This infuriates me! It's so painful I have to leave the room.

As of three months ago, my husband decided he sleeps better without me, so we've been sleeping apart. I know he works hard at his job, and it's important for him to get a good night's sleep, but that's no excuse for his behavior toward me. Our sex life has practically come to a halt. I expressed my feelings to him, only to be ignored. When I get affectionate with him, he pushes me away saying, "Not now, honey, I'm too tired."

Abby, I don't claim to be the perfect wife, but the house is always immaculate and the laundry is never piled up. I make hot meals daily and our pets are well-groomed and cared for. I am not drop-dead gorgeous, but I get my share of looks and remarks. I will not seek what I need from other men, but I won't spend the rest of my life in a marriage that consists of domestic duties and nothing more.

My husband never misses your column. Hopefully, he'll see my letter, realize how hurt I am, and change his ways. Sign me ... DESPERATE FOR ADVICE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DESPERATE: For the sake of your marriage, it is imperative that you find out exactly what happened three months ago that changed the dynamics of your relationship with your husband. He is behaving like a selfish, insensitive clod. Before you walk out, tell him how you feel and offer him the option of marriage counseling.

DEAR ABBY: Law enforcement officers and their actions have been and always will be targets for criticism, skepticism and controversy. Two of the most newsworthy topics involving law officers are the use of physical force and deadly force on criminals. It is easy for the general public or the media to second-guess what was right or wrong. They have hours or days to do it -- while an officer has only seconds. The stakes are high on the street. Hesitation or a wrong decision may very well cost an officer his/her life. This brings me to a recent letter you published:

"Wayne in Santa Rosa, Calif." said he thinks cops should carry tranquilizer guns instead of firearms. Well, Wayne, in our "Wild Kingdom," the animals -- a.k.a. car-jackers, armed robbers and drug dealers -- carry guns. REAL guns. And they do not hesitate to use them on innocent people, as well as on cops. The animals you see on "Wild Kingdom" are potentially dangerous because they are instinctively trying to protect their lives or the lives of their offspring. The "animals" we deal with are predators -- preying on innocent, honest citizens, and they are dangerous because they choose to be.

Abby, it's obvious that Wayne is ignorant of how violent these people can be, and how quickly a situation can turn on an officer in any given situation. I can only suggest that he get a job in law enforcement, because I'm sure his outlook on tranquilizer guns would change.

Law enforcement can always use good advice on how to improve. Most of us and our bosses welcome good advice. But tranquilizer guns? I'm 30 years old, have been a cop for eight years, and I thought I'd heard it all. -- CPL. DONALD PALLISER, ST. TAMMANY PARISH SHERIFF'S OFFICE, COVINGTON, LA.

DEAR CPL. PALLISER: Be patient. By the time you're ready to hang up your firearm, you'll have heard more.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently had major surgery. After the operation, my surgeon advised me that I had a genetic defect which had complicated the procedure. He advised me to notify my children so they could be checked for it.

I notified my four children and they all have a similar problem. Here is my dilemma:

When I was in college, I foolishly had an affair with an older man and became pregnant. I couldn't support a child at that time, so I chose to give my son up for adoption. Because of my genetic defect, I decided to attempt to locate this child to let him know about it. I hired a private detective who soon located him, but his adoptive mother had told him I died shortly after he was born.

When I married him 30 years ago, my husband knew I'd had a child, but the subject has been taboo ever since our wedding. None of my children know they have a half-brother.

Should I contact my son even though he thinks his birth mother is dead? I'm sure it would be upsetting to learn that his adoptive mother lied to him. He may need to know about the problem that runs in our family. Please advise me. -- TORN IN TOLEDO

DEAR TORN: Since the information could affect your son's health, it's important that he know about your medical history. You do not have to meet with him to give him the information. Ask your surgeon to write a letter to your son which covers the family medical history.

Your son will probably be shocked to learn that his adoptive mother lied, but he may want to get in touch with you. Many adoptees feel the need to meet their birth parents in order to feel "complete." Experts have told me that the vast majority of birth parents and children who have been reunited were gratified with the outcome.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a woman asking questions about her grandchild traveling unattended on an airplane to visit her.

You might be interested to know that the American Automobile Association has prepared a brochure addressing this situation. It's titled "Flying Alone: Handy Advice for Kids Traveling Solo." Parents interested in obtaining a free copy of the informative brochure should send a long, business-sized (No. 10), self-addressed, stamped envelope to: AAA, Flying Alone -- MS75, 1000 AAA Drive, Heathrow, Fla. 32746. -- JERRY CHESKE, DIRECTOR, PUBLIC RELATIONS, AAA NATIONAL OFFICE, HEATHROW, FLA.

DEAR MR. CHESKE: I think the little booklet is a dandy for any parent who is contemplating sending an unaccompanied child anywhere by air. It gives helpful tips about what to expect at the airport, lists the various age restrictions for unaccompanied minors, and offers suggestions concerning what to say and do prior to the child boarding the plane. Thanks for letting my readers know it's available. And the price is right -- it's free!

DEAR ABBY: I am 30 and engaged to a 28-year-old woman I'll call Sharon. Her best friend, "Janie," asks very personal questions, like "How often do you two have sex?"

Sharon will lie to her and reply "Twice a month." I'm not there when Janie asks these questions, but I hear about it afterward from Sharon. I resent the questions and prefer that Sharon ignore her and pretend she didn't hear the question.

Sharon reasons that if she tells her friend a lie and the woman knows it's a lie, it will keep her guessing. I feel it is none of her business and doesn't deserve a response. How do you think this should be handled? -- BOB IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR BOB: Ask Sharon, "What's wrong with telling your friend that you do not care to respond to such personal questions?"

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)