DEAR ABBY: A couple of days ago, my husband and I got into an argument. It led to fussing, yelling and cursing each other in front of our 8-month-old baby. When I thought the worst was over, he pushed me down, grabbed me by the ankles and dragged me over the kitchen floor. Then he left with our son and went to his parents' house. A few hours later, I looked in the bathroom mirror and saw that I had bruises from head to toe.

My husband says it would never have happened if I had kept my mouth shut! He says I nag him until he can't stand it and I drove him to do what he did. Now that the bruises on my legs and face are apparent, he has told his family that our son is ill, and it would be better if they waited a week or so to come over.

Somehow he makes out that I am the one who brings on his violent behavior. I admit I do let too much get to me sometimes, but please, Abby, tell me, am I to blame for his actions? Or is it just an excuse for his violent behavior? -- BRUISED AND CONFUSED

DEAR BRUISED: You are not responsible for your husband's physical abuse. If your husband didn't like something you said, he could have left the house to cool off. His insistence that it wouldn't have happened if you'd kept your mouth shut is a classic tactic of a batterer. Unless your husband is willing to get professional help, your marriage is in serious trouble -- and you, and possibly the baby -- are in physical danger.

This problem will not go away by itself. Do not remain silent and out of sight. Your family, his family and your friends should be told about the battering. You need all the support you can get. Photographic evidence would also be helpful.

When it happens again, the police should be notified immediately. And you should waste no time in getting away to family or friends or a battered women's shelter so you can decide what to do with the rest of your life -- without him. You are in my prayers.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 35-year-old single English teacher. During my lifetime, I have had many failed romances, but recently I have fallen in love again. The object of my affection is a history teacher at the school where I work. (I'll call him Richard.) He is absolutely the man of my dreams. He is handsome, charming, and we share the same interests. I am absolutely sure I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

I have been reluctant to ask Richard out because I fear it would be improper for two professional teachers who are co-workers to be involved in a relationship. I don't know what the headmaster would think about this. And what would the children we both teach think about our dating?

My decision rests with your opinion, Abby. What should I do? -- HOPELESSLY IN LOVE IN BOSTON

DEAR HOPELESSLY IN LOVE: Some schools have policies forbidding teachers in their employ to date one another. Ask your headmaster if there is such a policy at your school, or review the policies yourself. If there is no policy against it, ask Richard out. Remember the old truism: Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If he doesn't accept, you've lost nothing; but if he accepts, it could be the beginning of a love story.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I work for a sports arena, but please don't reveal in which state. Several times a year, people are "caught" having sex in the upper decks of the empty stands.

They are caught because television cameras are very powerful and can zoom in for a close-up of the subject from several hundred feet away.

Of course, these images never make it on the air. However, they usually do end up on videotape -- and through the miracle of satellite technology could end up in every TV sports department in the country! Abby, this is just a warning to those couples who think they are getting away with something. -- IT AIN'T A SECRET AT THE GAME

DEAR AIN'T A SECRET: Thank you, dear reader. You have just performed a public service. Amorous readers who are tempted to wink at convention should bear in mind that the lens of a camera never blinks.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had different reactions to a couple we know. I'll call them "Jack and Jill." My husband considers Jack to be one of his best friends, so he asked him to be his best man in our wedding.

Shortly after we announced our engagement, my parents threw a party for us, inviting only family and those in our wedding party. It was such a special event that my husband's parents flew across the country to be there. Much to my husband's dismay, Jack and Jill never showed up. When we saw them a few days later, they explained that they had made other plans.

A few months before the wedding, my sister planned a bridal shower for me. Jill was invited. She never came. I saw her that evening and she said that she forgot. This really hurt my feelings.

About a month before the wedding, a couple of the groomsmen called me to find out about the bachelor party. I called Jack, and he said he had not made any plans yet. It got closer to the wedding (a week away) and a groomsman, one of my bridesmaids and I were working frantically to give my husband a bachelor party. We asked Jack to take care of the transportation deposit. The night before the bachelor party, the bus driver called my bridesmaid and told her that he never received his deposit (which had been given to Jack). We then had to track Jack down and get the deposit to the bus company. Luckily, the party went well. The same evening, we had my bachelorette party. Jill never showed up.

The rehearsal evening finally came. Jack and Jill showed up at the church 30 minutes late, with no explanation. Luckily, my husband asked Jack to come to our house to get ready for the wedding so he would be there on time.

Last week we got our wedding album back. We decided to have a barbecue and invite everyone in the wedding party. Jack and Jill accepted. Two hours after the barbecue started, they called to say they weren't coming.

My dilemma: I do not want to make any more plans with this couple because they make no effort to see us. My husband thinks I am being mean when I tell him not to invite them to any of our functions. What do you think? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I think you have been incredibly tolerant. After Jack dropped the ball so many times, I'm puzzled why your husband continued to want him in your wedding party.

From their track record, I see no harm in continuing to invite Jack and Jill to your functions, because the odds are, even if they do accept, they will not show up.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In all the 33 years I have read your column, nothing has appalled me like the letter from the live-in who described herself as "Almost No. 2." She said, "He left his wife and two kids because the responsibility gave him no time for himself." What idiocy!

What kind of woman would want a man who shows no responsibility for his own children, but expects him to parent HER kids? These people are sick, sick, sick! You were much too easy on them with your answer. Stand tough, Abby. -- MARY EGAN IN DALLAS

DEAR MARY: I advised the woman not to try to defend her position, which was indefensible. I do not flog those who write to me, even when I disapprove of their actions. Mine is an advice column -- not a whipping post.

Believe me, my readers got the message. The letters are still flying in. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have never been as angry as I was after I read the letter signed "Almost No. 2." She said, "Nine- and 16-year-olds don't need a lot of attention." These are critical ages in their lives, and being ignored by their father because he "needs more time to himself" is clearly child abuse.

When people ask why the kids aren't around, "Almost No. 2" and her boyfriend should tell the truth: "We want them around only when we have nothing else better to do." That's the message he's sending out to his kids.

If his children are too much of a responsibility, he should have kept his pants on. These two deserve each other. -- MOM WHO LOVES TO BE WITH HER SON

DEAR ABBY: "Indefensible" is the word! The next time people ask why Matt, "Father of the Year," doesn't see his own children, they should be told he simply doesn't give a damn. And when they ask "Almost No. 2" how she could defend him, she should tell them because she's still "Almost."

After she actually becomes "No. 2" and Matt gives her the "I need my space" story, I'll be looking for a letter in your column signed "WHAT WAS I THINKING?" -- or, perhaps, simply, "DUH." -- CLIFFORD WILLIAMS, MALDEN, MASS.

DEAR ABBY: What a wonderful couple these two make! She's insensitive, while he is simply a cad.

My brother and I (both now in our 20s) were fortunate to have an understanding stepmother who realized that our relationship with our father shouldn't change regardless of the marital status between our parents. Our father continues to spend a lot of time with us.

We are now professional, responsible adults who were fortunate to receive all the love and support both parents could give.

I hate to think that Matt's kids will never get that support from their father. Child support is not an expression of love -- it's an obligation -- and believe me, those kids are intelligent enough to know the difference. -- THANKFUL IN CAPE CORAL, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: As I read that letter I could literally feel my blood pressure rising. I wanted to reach out and strangle "Almost No. 2."

This is a personal issue to me, Abby. The day before my sixth birthday, my father left my mother for another woman. I missed having a male role model. I missed having a father's hug when I needed it (and I did need it -- to this day I have never hugged another man). I missed having a father there to congratulate me and praise me during those special times in my life when I accomplished something.

My father tried to reconcile when I was older, but it wasn't the same. We no longer talk -- yet I still love him. The only way I followed in his footsteps was to become a volunteer firefighter like he had been.

Children, regardless of age or gender, need their father. "Almost No. 2" should accept his kids as he accepts her. If you print this, please use my name; I hope my father sees it. -- CHRISTOPHER M. OTT, HARLEYSVILLE, PA.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)