DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, you printed a letter from a reader who was disturbed when she saw young children who were obviously not secured in safety seats in automobiles. Her concern is valid. Parents who do not buckle in their children properly and do not fasten their own seat belts risk their lives and the lives of their children.

Two years ago, I was driving from my home to a friend's wedding. Twenty miles from my destination, I glanced at my radio to change stations. When I looked back at the road, I saw I was heading off the highway. I panicked, overcorrected my steering and ended up rolling on the median.

I cannot express what was going through my mind when the accident occurred. I know I screamed as the car skidded and suddenly felt blood trickling down my face. My passenger had to break the windshield to escape. Luckily for me, a good Samaritan stopped and pulled me out of my car. We were taken to a hospital.

My parents were terrified when they received the call informing them of the accident. They later told me that the two-hour drive to the hospital was the longest two hours of their lives.

My passenger and I were fortunate to escape with only cuts and bruises. As we left the hospital, a Texas state trooper who had been dispatched to the scene of the accident, said, "The seat belts saved your lives."

A few weeks ago, one of my neighbors was killed in a car accident similar to mine. His family said he always used his seat belt, but for some reason, he chose not to use it that night. He would have been 19 on his next birthday. -- ROBYN A. SANDERS, ARLINGTON, TEXAS

DEAR ROBYN: It cannot be repeated too often -- seat belts save lives. A day or so after your letter arrived, a mother sent me this tragic letter about two of her five children:

DEAR ABBY: On June 14, I received the phone call that every parent dreads. Three of my five children were returning from a ski race camp in Montana when the driver fell asleep. My two eldest children, both boys (Christopher, 17, and Travis, 15), were fatally injured. Travis died immediately; Chris died three days later.

The teens and the father of one of the boys had been caravaning home from camp when the 16-year-old who was driving our van fell asleep. The van slid for about 300 feet on the grassy shoulder of the road. The tires blew out, and when the rims hit the pavement, the van rolled end over end. Chris was ejected through the sliding door; Travis was thrown out the back hatch and the van rolled over on him.

The driver of our van, one other teen and our 14-year-old daughter Monica survived the accident. We are grateful that Monica suffered only a few scratches as did the other survivors; however, she still suffers from the emotional trauma of seeing her brothers die -- she was especially close to Travis.

No drugs, alcohol or horseplay were involved in the accident. The driver was just tired. We harbor no hard feelings toward him -- we know it was an accident.

Abby, we will never be able to thank all the people who helped these kids -- the doctor who arrived at the scene and helped the survivors; the emergency personnel; and the motorists who went hours out of their way to bring some of the kids and the ski gear home.

I can't describe the pain that we as a family experience every day now. Our talented, handsome sons are gone -- because they didn't buckle up. They were diligent about wearing their seat belts, but that night, for some reason, they didn't. I'll always wonder why.

Abby, if sharing our tragedy prompts even one person to buckle up, writing this letter to you will not have been in vain. -- TERRI W. HARTLAUER, SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR TERRI: Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your sons, Chris and Travis. My heart goes out to you and your family. Losing a child is devastating, but to lose two under such tragic circumstances is almost more than a family can bear.

Readers, this could happen to anyone. Please be sure that your young children are fastened in their safety seats every time, and insist that your older children wear seat belts. Set a good example for them by wearing one yourself.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Sad Mom-to-Be," whose husband insists on naming their firstborn son after both his grandfathers, missed the point completely. The problem is not that Mom and her husband can't agree on a name; the problem is that her selfish, inconsiderate husband has decided he doesn't feel like being flexible on an issue that his wife considers very important. What a cruel way to treat a pregnant wife!

I have shared this bitter experience, Abby. My now ex-husband also insisted on naming our baby for his relatives, and I foolishly gave in. What I failed to understand at the time was that my husband's controlling, domineering behavior masked his underlying hostility toward me.

In the years after our baby was born, his mistreatment of me turned physical, and I had to get a court order to force him out of our home. (By the way, the relative for whom my son is named all but abandoned the child after our divorce.) My son is now stuck with a name that means nothing to him. What a shame. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR BEEN THERE: You are not the only reader who disagreed with my answer to "Sad Mom-to-Be." I have received a mountain of mail from men and women who were appalled by the husband's attitude. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am frankly astounded at the attitude of the husband -- and I say this as a husband and father, not as a fellow mom-to-be. Of course, we're getting the information secondhand, but somehow I seriously doubt that the man is flexible on many things at all. He seems pretty much like a control freak. Unless the situation is far different than pictured, I'm afraid that "Sad Mom-to-Be" is in for a long and difficult road. -- VICTOR H. JUNG, M.D., YUBA CITY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Please inform "Sad Mom-to-Be," who thinks she has no say in naming her firstborn child, about a fact of life of which she may not be aware. In most, if not all, places in the United States, the mother fills out the birth certificate, and signs it.

So cheer up, honey. You have the tactical advantage in getting your authoritarian husband back to the bargaining table to reach a compromise you can both live with. -- EVELYN WALZER, HUDSON, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Sad Mom-to-Be," who was upset that her husband insists on naming their new baby after his two grandfathers. You forgot one very important remedy to their situation -- two middle names. They can give the child the grandfathers' names as middle names, and select a mutually agreeable first name. The best example I can think of for this is: George Herbert Walker Bush. -- JANET BEHNING, MESQUITE, TEXAS

DEAR JANET: Now, why didn't I think of that!

DEAR ABBY: The young mother-to-be fails to realize that her refusal to name her son after her husband's grandfathers is equally inflexible. While honoring his grandfather may be more important to him than considering the wishes of his wife, getting her way in naming the child may be more important to her than considering the wishes of her husband. It is all a matter of perspective.

The most important consideration should be the effect of the name as the child is growing up. (Let's hope the names are not so unusual or outdated as to cause the child embarrassment when he goes to school.) Beyond that, the one to whom the issue is least important should concede the point. The compromises you suggested are valid. -- JOSEPH BUTLER, CLARKSTON, GA.

DEAR JOSEPH: I regret to say that you and I were overwhelmingly outvoted on this one. However, you have made some valid points. Thanks for the input.

As much as I would have liked to print more of the fascinating responses I received on this subject, space limitations do not permit it.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years old and 20 pounds overweight. Like overweight teens everywhere, I have experienced a lot of rejection. For the past two years, I have tried to slim down my waist and lose the unwanted fat. I have tried walking for exercise, but it's not easy when you don't have someone to keep you company.

It's hard to stay away from junk food when it's always in my house and being offered to me. I don't have strong willpower, and the determination I once had has almost completely left me. I feel like a failure.

Can you help me, Abby? -- ALMOST HOPELESS

DEAR ALMOST HOPELESS: Losing weight and becoming fit are admirable goals. This is not just about determination and/or willpower. Your strongest ally is education. Ask your doctor for help in learning HOW to eat, not just how much. Ask a counselor at school if there are nutrition classes available, or find some books on your own that teach you how to eat properly.

Find a "buddy" who is as committed as you are to changing your eating habits. Exercise together. Don't look at this as "dieting," but as adopting a new way of eating and exercising that improves your health and appearance. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married in October, and there is an issue my fiance and I cannot seem to resolve. Our mothers are pulling us in opposite directions.

My mother wants us to open our wedding gifts at the reception. His mother thinks it would be "tacky." My fiance feels it would be a waste of time at the reception, and agrees with his mother that the gifts should be opened the next day at a brunch for the families.

Abby, I come from a very large family. Many of my aunts, uncles and cousins will be traveling long distances to attend our wedding. Most of them have expressed a desire to see us open the gifts, but not all of them would be able to stay another day just for that.

My mother has allowed us to make the decisions on everything else, but she insists that the gifts be opened at the wedding reception. What is the socially correct procedure? -- BRIDE IN OREGON

DEAR BRIDE: Traditionally, gifts are not opened at the reception. It is usually inconvenient for the couple. Even when the reception is small and informal, there is seldom time to open presents and express appropriate gratitude.

If gifts are brought to the wedding and/or reception, the bride and groom should thank the donor and hand the packages to someone assigned to put them in a safe place. This is the only way to avoid losing the card or breaking or losing the gift in the excitement of the festivities.

A brunch the following day, during which the families can see you open the gifts, is a good idea. Consider videotaping the brunch for those who must return home immediately following the reception.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Phil in Oregon," the man who wrote about his embarrassing habit. Please let him know there is nothing wrong with sucking your thumb!

I am a college-educated 23-year-old woman who has been sucking my thumb ever since I was one day old. I don't think Phil should be embarrassed about his habit. He should accept it.

Sucking your thumb is not bad. Some people, like myself, find thumb-sucking relaxing, especially before going to sleep. (It's better than drinking alcohol, or doing drugs to relax.)

My friends and even my boyfriend (who has been with me for over four years) all know of my thumb-sucking habit, and they don't mind. -- J.K.C. IN LONG ISLAND

DEAR J.K.C.: Phil will undoubtedly be grateful for your supportive letter. Although it's rarely publicized, I'm sure there are many adult thumb-suckers. Have you thought of starting a support group? (I can see it now: www.thumbsup!.org.)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)