DEAR ABBY: Your recent column about the Great American Smokeout prompts this letter. You may have helped save my life -- or, if not my life, certainly the quality of my life.

During the Great American Smokeout back in 1985, you encouraged those who had quit for 10 days to write to you. I did, and you responded with a personal note of support and encouragement. I have not smoked since.

A few weeks ago, I was refilling my lawnmower gas tank at a nearby mini-mart and noticed four teen-agers, two boys and two girls, leaning against a car, puffing away.

After I paid for the gas, I approached them and said, "You don't know me and I don't know you, but guess my age."

The guesses ranged from 55 to 65. I said, "I'm 72, and I will play three sets of tennis tomorrow and 18 holes of golf the next day. I have a very good friend who is also 72. He is in the hospital on oxygen.

"I quit smoking. He didn't. Think it over."

My friend may not be dead, but his quality of life -- and that of his wife -- sure is.

It's hard to conceive of age 72 when you're 16, but if just one of those kids got the message and quits smoking, then I will have in part repaid you for your support and encouragement 12 years ago. Thank you, Abby. -- GLAD I QUIT, PENNSYLVANIA READER

DEAR GLAD: Thank YOU; your letter made my day! Your efforts to raise the consciousness of young people about the dangers of tobacco are commendable.

Even with all the publicity that has been generated about the addictiveness and health hazards posed by tobacco, smoking remains seductive to an alarming number of people. Therefore, as the glamorization of cigar smoking increases and becomes a more acceptable vice, I'd like to take the opportunity to emphasize the health hazards associated with this trend.

Cigars have taken on an air of sophistication because of the marketing of Cigar Aficionado magazine, cigar nights at invitation-only dinners, celebrity promotion and endorsements, etc. Growing numbers of women are also participating in this unhealthy fad. Because cigar smoke is rarely inhaled, there is a false sense of security that cigar smoking is a safe alternative to cigarette smoking. However, according to the 1989 Surgeon General's report:

-- Cigar smokers are three times more likely to develop lung cancer than nonsmokers.

-- Cancer death rates among men who smoke cigars are 34 percent higher than among nonsmokers.

-- People who smoke cigars have four to 10 times the risk of dying from oral, laryngeal and esophageal cancers when compared to nonsmokers.

-- Exposure to secondhand cigar smoke carries the same risks as exposure to secondhand cigarette smoke.

-- Concentrations of tar and nicotine are much higher in cigars than in cigarettes.

-- The carcinogens found in cigarettes are also found in cigars.

Readers, is the desire to be "in" worth the risk? Think about it!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I read your response to "Longtime Reader, New York State," it broke my heart.

Abby, when I was 33 and our child was 3, my husband died of cancer. That same year, I met a man whose wife had also died. He had two young children. Gradually we became friends and then we fell in love. Three years later, we married.

At our wedding, we danced to "When somebody loves you, it's no good unless they love you -- all the way."

The woman's husband should NOT continue to wear the ring from his first marriage when he is aware of how much it hurts his second wife. Obviously, he needs help with the grieving process in order to move on and have a successful relationship with his new wife -- all the way.

Abby, please urge "Longtime Reader" to insist that her husband seek grief counseling. That man is fortunate to have a caring woman in his life, and this lady deserves to be loved and respected. -- ALL THE WAY IN L.A.

DEAR ALL THE WAY: I agree. The husband should seek grief counseling and learn to live in the present. However, HE did not write to me -- and whether he would consent to do it is questionable. I am printing your letter with the hope that he'll see it and have a change of heart.

Several readers informed me that my answer was far too charitable to the husband. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: A column of yours contained a letter that hit close to home. "Longtime Reader, New York State" said her husband wore two wedding rings -- the one she gave him and the one given to him by his first wife.

Abby, he shouldn't need to wear that ring to remind him of his dead wife. He has a living reminder -- his daughter.

Wearing that ring while knowing it is hurting his present wife is his way of showing her that she is his second choice, and he wears it to keep her in "her place."

Marriage is supposed to be 50-50, and a marriage bed is supposed to be shared by only two, not three -- even if one of them is a ghost. -- ALMA L. MARTIN, PARADISE, TEXAS

DEAR ALMA: I agree that the husband's behavior is insensitive. However, it's not unheard of for widowers (or widows) to keep mementos of their deceased spouses. Read on for a more sympathetic view:

DEAR ABBY: I admire the man who still wears the wedding band from his deceased wife. Please tell "Longtime Reader" that her husband is who he is partly because of his first marriage, and she need not feel threatened by this part of her husband's past.

My beloved husband passed away after 30 years of marriage. The ring he put on my finger has never been taken off. Three years after his death, a good man I had known for years asked me to become his wife. I said yes, but that the ring from my first marriage would remain on my finger. The dear man said, "I understand. Just put my ring next to it, as I have taken my place next to you now." I wear his ring in front of my late husband's. It has never been removed, either, and it's never been a problem.

"Longtime Reader" is married to a man who values the memory of his deceased wife. So what? She should stop and smell the roses. -- WILLING TO BEND, SYLACAUGA, ALA.

DEAR WILLING TO BEND: That's sound advice. Your husband appears to be a wise and sensitive man.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am deeply disturbed by the situation my sister has gotten herself into. She calls me often to ventilate and seek my advice. I care a great deal about her, but the telephone time and expense are beginning to affect my marriage, and she never takes my advice anyway.

"Nancy" and her husband have been married 23 years. They are both well-educated. He is a professional and Nancy has worked off and on to supplement their income. They have three children, one in college and two in high school.

Abby, their main problem is that they are heavily in debt due to his excessive use of credit cards. Nancy has allowed the situation to continue for many years, claiming she has no control over him. He manages their money and feels that as the primary wage earner, he has the right to control their finances. They have gone to credit counselors, but have never gained control of their debt situation.

Now they are having trouble qualifying for a mortgage, and their son who is in college is being held liable for $3,900 in telephone charges his roommate incurred.

I have urged my sister to take control of the money in their family, but apparently she hasn't. Every time a new crisis arises, she seems surprised and angry.

Abby, what advice can I give her? -- J.A. IN EL PASO, TEXAS

DEAR J.A.: Since your sister has never taken advantage of your wise counsel, stop giving it. Listen to her other problems if you wish, but when she starts to replay this broken record, end the conversation. If she asks you why, tell her that you love her, but that her refusal to handle financial problems is beginning to affect YOUR marriage.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letters in your column about forgiveness, I remembered something that I read in "Reader's Digest" the morning I had my first real argument with my husband. We had been married only a month. It read:

"To forgive is holy.

"To forget takes restraint.

"To forget what you forgave is the mark of a saint."

Abby, it was true then and it's true today. -- K.C. IN PUNTA GORDA, FLA.

DEAR K.C.: Thank you for sharing this bit of wisdom. Readers, I urge each of you to adopt this sage philosophy, for who among us does not need to be forgiven more than once in a lifetime?

DEAR READERS: With Christmas approaching, I have recently discovered an outstanding new reading resource for parents, grandparents, teachers and mentors who want to find books especially for young African American males. Beginning with books for very young children, it progresses to books for high school and adult readers -- and contains lively, informative descriptions of more than 100 outstanding works of literature by such authors as Langston Hughes, Walter Mosley, Martin Luther King Jr., Malcolm X, Frederick Douglass and James Baldwin.

Created by the Givens Foundation for African American Literature, "Spirited Minds: African American Books for Our Sons and Our Brothers" (W.W. Norton, N.Y. & London), sells for $11 in softcover.

Adults can create a lifelong love for reading in children by reading to them and with them -- and the most powerful way to teach is by engaging the imagination.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)