DEAR ABBY: I have taught physical education in the elementary grades and middle school, and I'm presently teaching grades 9 through 12 at La Quinta High School in La Quinta, Calif. I was both saddened and furious when I read the letter by the 10-year-old student who hates going to P.E. because he or she is always chosen last.

Unfortunately, this happens in many P.E. programs around the country, and there is no one to blame but the teacher. Not only does it humiliate a student, it also wastes quality teaching time. The people who are cutting our physical education programs today are probably the same students who were chosen last in their P.E. classes.

One of the most important organizations we as professional physical educators need to be members of is COPEC (Council on Physical Education for Children). In 1992, COPEC listed examples of inappropriate activities in physical education classes:

"Forming teams: Teams are formed by designated 'captains' who publicly select one child at a time, thereby exposing lower-skilled students to peer ridicule. ... It is a process that can either expedite the activity process, or belittle students and become a risk factor for future involvement."

Following is a list of strategies that are quick and nonthreatening, taken from the Success Oriented P.E. Activities book:

1. Instructor equitably preselects teams

2. Clothing colors or colored strips of paper

3. Birthday months, or birthdays (odd and even)

4. Alphabetical (first or last names)

5. Sizes of tennis shoes

6. Squads or roll groups

7. Freeze game (position on the floor)

8. Draw cards from a deck (odd and even, or suits)

Abby, I hope you will print this because there is no accountability in our programs, and this shouldn't be happening in physical education or within the school system. People need to know there are other ways to divide students into teams that leave everyone feeling good about themselves and about physical activity. It is our duty as physical educators to provide a safe and positive environment for the lives we touch daily. Our students are our future. -- JOANN MONACHELLO PRAHL, LA QUINTA, CALIF.

DEAR JOANN: Thank you for the excellent suggestions. I hope P.E. teachers everywhere will take them to heart and put them into practice.

DEAR READERS: Today marks the birthday of the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who inspired so many to reach upward for equality. It is only fitting that I share with you a passage from his "Strength to Love":

"Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction ... The chain reaction of evil -- hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm in quite a dilemma. My 40-year-old daughter is not speaking to me because I'm trying to prevent her from becoming the laughingstock of the century. She's planning to be married for the fourth time. Her first marriage was to escape her abusive father. The second was to provide a father for her child from the first marriage. The third was a stupid mistake.

Now she says she wants the wedding she has never had -- ivory dress, 6-foot train, and God knows what else. I told her she was creating a circus, a humiliation, the embarrassment of all time. I know the bride should have her wishes carried out to the letter on "her" day -- but she has already had three previous "days" that did not work. My daughter falls in and out of love as the wind changes.

I know I shouldn't throw stones because I have been married three times, but my present marriage to a man I thank the Lord for every day has lasted 17 years. I have talked to her fiance. He seems to be level-headed, and he, too, would like to avoid a spectacle. I'm sure he didn't win any Brownie points when he sided with me. It's his first marriage.

Abby, what can I do about my daughter? I don't like being at odds with her. -- OLD-FASHIONED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: There's nothing you can do. Since your daughter refuses to listen to you and her fiance, I doubt she would be open to any input from me. Of course, you are correct that simplicity should be the keynote for the ceremony and reception, but you can't live your daughter's life for her.

Wish her well and pray that your community has a short memory.

DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column from the reader who thought it would be a good idea to turn closed military bases into jails got me thinking. As a retired military person, I must agree in part with the writer of that letter. The facilities are there, and so is the equipment to train our young people to become good citizens.

But why use them to warehouse criminals?

Some of them could be converted to campuses for vocational schools around the country to help disadvantaged youth. Not all of our young people are college material -- but all of them need to learn how to earn a living. Students could spend part of their day in classroom learning and the rest in a shop, learning a skill. At the completion of their training they could be the people they would like to be.

We taxpayers have bought those bases and equipped them with everything that is needed to run a military installation. If the selected base needs more equipment, some could be moved from other bases that are being closed.

If some of the buildings are substandard, I can't imagine a better place to start training those young people for a trade in the building industry.

A final thought: Most of these young people would rather have a big hug and an "I love you" than parents who let them grow up in the wrong way. Speaking for myself, the return of love from a young person is the greatest gift I ever had. Parents, wake up!

Abby, please do not use my name or location. -- RETIRED MILITARY MAN

DEAR MILITARY MAN: You have hit upon a terrific idea, one that is well worth exploring. Such campuses would be a source of pride (and employment) in the surrounding communities. Our children are our most precious resource, and giving them the tools they need to enrich their lives will also enrich our country.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Adultery seems to be an accepted fact of life these days. Everybody's doing it. No problem.

It's no problem, that is, until you are the injured party. Then it's a very big deal. The hurt is so deep, it's hard to believe that someone who claims to love you has intentionally and selfishly inflicted this pain on you.

People say marriages can be salvaged and even improved in the healing process. However, I know for a fact that it will never happen without remorse on the part of the adulterer. In my case, there is none. My husband boasted, "I'm not sorry I did it. I'm glad. I had a great time."

After much soul-searching, I had to face the truth: I married a loser. I'm a kind and decent person who never expected or deserved to be treated so poorly. But I'm also strong, and although I'm deeply wounded, I'll be fine because I've been able to see why he had the affair. It had nothing to do with me. You see, with her he could pretend to be someone other than who he really is. He could pretend to be a successful businesseman when, in fact, nothing could be further from the truth. He could brag about his children like a devoted family man. In truth, he is a workaholic and not at all involved in their lives or upbringing.

For years I begged him to go for counseling. It was easier for him to find a sympathetic lover who was willing to hear how his wife didn't understand him. I understand him, all right -- too well. He is a charmer. However, he can also be mean-spirited and vengeful, a side he would never let her see.

He is in denial and takes no responsibility for his actions. When I told him he had to leave, he didn't go to her. Maybe it's because he's married, although that didn't seem to bother them before. Or maybe he knew eventually she would see through his charade. The reason doesn't matter. It's over for us.

I have some advice I'd like to give to your readers who might be considering having an affair: If you are unhappy in your marriage, get counseling or get out of the house. But do not get a lover. Affairs cause only trouble and very deep pain. -- SLOWLY HEALING IN FREEPORT, MAINE

DEAR SLOWLY HEALING: That's sage advice -- given by someone who obviously has not yet put the pain behind her.

I agree that adultery is not the solution to an ailing marriage. Only by having the courage to confront problems head-on can they be resolved. And it is that process, in addition to building love and respect, that creates successful partnerships.

DEAR ABBY: I read your letter from Luke, the teen-aged skateboarder who feels skateboarders get a bad rap from adults. I'm a television news anchor and thought you and Luke would appreciate the following story. It led our evening newscast recently.

Several teen-agers were skateboarding in downtown Abilene when they heard screaming. They found an elderly woman who had been attacked. A thief had knocked her down and stolen her purse.

The skaters split up. Some took off after the thief. Some stayed to help the woman, and others skateboarded off to summon the police. When the teens found the thief hiding in a parking garage, he took off again -- and they chased him on their boards until police arrived and arrested him. The elderly woman got her purse back, along with the contents.

These teens are members of a skateboarding stunt team that is part of a local church youth group. They spend their summers on the road, putting on great shows, then talking to other teens about leading moral lives.

Let's hear it for today's teens. With or without skateboards, most of them are on the right track. -- LOREN HALIFAX, KTAB-TV, ABILENE, TEXAS

DEAR LOREN: Thanks for an upper of a letter. It's the first time I've heard that the wheels of justice were attached to a skateboard.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)