DEAR ABBY: Where I work, I see a lot of people from other states and countries, and I hear the following comment a lot: "For such a beautiful place, I'm surprised to see so much trash along the side of the roads."

Abby, I live in a nice little town in North Carolina and walk two miles in my neighborhood every day. After hearing that comment, I began carrying a trash bag with me to pick up the refuse people throw onto the side of the road. To my surprise, I find I'm picking up two large bags of trash a week -- and I live in a nice neighborhood. What kind of people do this?

My neighbor asked me why I pick up the trash as I walk. I told him that trash made our neighborhood ugly, and if someone didn't do it we'd be knee-high in trash. He was very surprised. Maybe people don't realize what they're doing when they toss their soda cans, candy wrappers, cigarettes and beer bottles out of their cars. I was taught as a child that this was the wrong thing to do. It looks like a lot of people weren't.

Please, parents and teachers: Teach your children that this is wrong, and maybe it will be the start of a cleaner America. I would also like to encourage other walkers to carry a bag and pick up trash as they walk. Also, bending is great for reducing the waistline. -- VICKY HURLEY, HICKORY, N.C.

DEAR VICKY: I'm pleased to promote your anti-litter crusade. Every state has littering laws. People should keep trash bags in their cars in which to dispose of trash, and teach their children that littering is wrong. Unfortunately, many individuals think they are the exception to the rule. There should be no exceptions!

DEAR ABBY: Recently I parked in the handicapped space at a restaurant and went in for lunch. Although I look healthy, I am a senior and have a much-needed handicapped placard on my car.

While I was enjoying my lunch, a customer who was leaving stopped at my table to tell me that the hostess and food servers were commenting that I didn't need the placard or special parking space.

As I paid my check, I asked the hostess, "Do you have arthritis?" "No," she replied. I asked if she had heart trouble. Again I received a negative reply. "Have you had two major abdominal surgeries," I continued, "and four operations?" She replied that she hadn't. Then I said, "Well, I have. And I do not appreciate you and the servers deciding by looking at me that I'm fraudulently parking in a handicapped space. Please don't judge that about which you have no knowledge."

Abby, there are times when I can barely walk or breathe, and when I'm in extreme pain. However, I have my pride, and I try my best not to appear anything other than healthy, but I do need some concessions because of my poor health.

In her last year, my 76-year-old mother dressed immaculately and wore makeup to look healthy, even though she was dying of cancer.

How dare people judge those they don't know, and decide they don't need the handicapped parking space? Some disabilities are not obvious, so people should give us the benefit of the doubt. Please print my letter so that the public will get the drift and be more compassionate. -- WALKING TALL IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR WALKING TALL: I have received many letters from people who are outraged at the obviously able-bodied people who park in parking spaces reserved for the handicapped.

Once again, I caution readers, "Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm going through the most confusing period of my life. I am 18 and working both a full-time and a part-time job to support my children, a daughter who is 2 and a 1-year-old son. My life is crazy at this point.

Abby, I'm thinking about giving custody of my son to a couple at church. Why? Because raising two children is too difficult at my age. I'm a single mother and cannot support two children financially.

I'm unable to give my son the love and care he needs, and I want him to be happy. I don't want to give him up, but I want the best for him and I know I can't provide it.

Abby, please help me. What should I do? -- CONFUSED, CRAZY MOTHER

DEAR MOTHER: Follow your heart and give your son to parents who can provide what you cannot. It would be a generous act of love.

I would urge you, however, to give the custodial parents a letter to your son that they can give to him when he begins to question the love of a mother who would "give him away."

DEAR ABBY: My 21-year-old son, "Sam," dropped out of college and wanted to paint houses for a living. He needed a car, so I offered to find him painting projects around the house to earn $500 -- partial payment for the car. I paid him more than the going rate and gave him credit for more hours than he worked.

When he came to me and wanted the $500, I reminded him the money was for a car, and he could have it when he found one. (He's getting money from his mother to live on.) He picked up a bar stool and hit me with it, bruising me and breaking the tile countertop. On his way out, he broke a table and a bowl. I deducted $300 for the damages and sent him a check, but he hasn't apologized and says he never wants to see me again.

Should I have called the police and charged Sam with assault and battery to help him see that violence is not the way to settle a dispute? -- A GRIEVING FATHER

DEAR GRIEVING FATHER: Your son has a serious problem controlling his temper. He should have learned by now how to channel his anger and frustration without resorting to violence. I am undecided as to whether or not he was fortunate that you didn't notify the police and press charges.

However, you were also wrong for having agreed to pay Sam for painting your house, then to have withheld the money he earned when he asked for it.

DEAR ABBY: Today I read the letter from "The Man Who Loves Her." I, too, was a smoker and can sympathize with both people in that letter. It took me -- and me alone -- to quit. Please, Abby, pass this on to those who are trying to quit: "DON'T GIVE UP!"

Maybe today you will quit for only a day, perhaps tomorrow it will be for two days. Just keep trying. I know it's not easy to stop something you enjoy, but after you have quit for a month or so, you will realize that you didn't really enjoy it -- you were simply a slave to it.

In my mind, I finally decided what I wanted more than nicotine. I wanted to live. -- JILL DIAL, TITUSVILLE, FLA.

DEAR JILL: Thank you for a powerful letter. Be assured that it will inspire countless smokers to follow your example.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago, I became romantically involved with a prominent lawyer who represented my in-laws in a bitter legal battle. We secretly began spending lots of time together. I was 24 years old, Catholic, married with one child. He was 50, Jewish, married with three children.

We saw or called each other daily. I became pregnant and delivered a beautiful baby girl who is the spitting image of him.

Shortly after, his family learned about us through his office, and took it very hard. I apologized for the pain our relationship caused them. With great regret, he ended the relationship because he claimed he "had no choice." He has not called me since.

After the breakup, my husband insisted on a paternity test, which clearly proved HE was not the father.

I never told the lawyer that the baby is his, because I care for him and I'm afraid of jeopardizing his license. My husband agreed to raise her as his own, provided I never tell the lawyer he's the father.

Abby, I will be face-to-face with this lawyer at a trial very soon, and I will have to divulge pertinent information on him, and it's possible our relationship and daughter may be exposed. What should I do? -- "BOOB-BIE"

DEAR BOOB-BIE: What a mess! VOLUNTEER no information, but under no circumstances should you lie under oath.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from Dr. Michael Gorback with the Center for Pain Relief in Houston prompts this letter.

It is not as simple as he makes it sound. Narcotics are not dangerous merely because they cause addictive behavior or dependence. Narcotics progressively weaken the brain physically by destroying sleep quality.

Chronic pain patients are already sleep-deprived. That is why they require such large doses of narcotics to soothe. We must find ways to protect restorative healing sleep for our chronically ill.

Poor sleep habits and sleep impairment are major public health problems in our nation. Sleep deprivation causes learning disorders, disease, substance abuse, suicide, violence, and industrial and motor vehicle accidents. We cannot casually use medications that continue to destroy sleep quality. -- EDWARD S. FRIEDRICHS, M.D., BROWN DEER, WIS.

DEAR DR. FRIEDRICHS: Most chronic pain patients suffer sleep deprivation due to pain, and pain medication makes a positive impact on their lives by allowing them to sleep more comfortably. The message in Dr. Gorback's letter was that narcotic pain medication, when administered properly, is restorative rather than addictive. Please read on for another letter from a fellow physician:

DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed the letter you printed by Dr. Michael Gorback. You responded that Dr. Gorback's philosophy may be viewed by some as audacious; nonetheless you thought it was sensible and logical.

Abby, 95 percent of physicians agree with Dr. Gorback. His philosophy is not audacious at all. It is simply common sense and love for one's fellow human beings. The real albatross over the years has been state and federal regulatory agencies and overzealous bureaucrats.

Any person who does not endorse Dr. Gorback's philosophy (simple humanitarianism and logic) is frankly ignorant.

You have done a great service by publishing that letter. I applaud and admire you. -- A WISCONSIN PHYSICIAN

DEAR PHYSICIAN: Thank you for the supportive letter, and for the reassurance that the majority of physicians feel as you and Dr. Gorback do. In the past I have heard horror stories from families of people who suffered and died in terrible pain because their caregivers were afraid of what the law might do to them if they "addicted" a dying patient.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)