DEAR ABBY: As a teen-ager, for kicks I would randomly call women at night and ask to speak to their husbands. If the wife said he wasn't there, I would pretend to be the husband's lover, saying he was supposed to have told her about me.

Most of the time it didn't work, but one young woman believed me. She began crying and said, "We've been married for only one year; now I know why he tells me he has to work late."

I hung up without confessing that it was a stunt, immediately regretting what I had done, but I couldn't call back to make amends because I didn't remember which number I had called.

Abby, the damage I may have caused haunts me to this day. I sincerely wish I could take back what I did. -- REGRETTING PAST MISTAKES

DEAR REGRETTING: Since there is nothing you can do to change the past, perhaps you can ease your conscience by doing a good deed. I have a suggestion: Volunteer to mentor a teen-age girl who could benefit from the friendship of a caring, mature adult. There are many out there who need it.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me settle this argument. My husband, who thinks he knows everything, keeps insisting that the forks and spoons should be placed in the basket of the dishwasher with the sharpest point of the utensils facing upward. I say that the utensils should be facing down, so that when they are removed from the dishwasher they can be grabbed by the handles. Will you please settle this? -- FRUSTRATED IN DENVER

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your husband is wrong. The utensils should be loaded into the dishwasher with the points facing down, which prevents them from poking or cutting the person who is unloading the machine. It also keeps the eating surfaces cleaner if they're grasped by the handles.

P.S. If this is all you and your husband disagree on, I would say you have a marvelous marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed the letter in your column from "Waiting With Baited Hook in Nevada."

As a divorced, 45-year-old, overweight woman with three teen-agers, I had attended church-sponsored activities for years, including dances. None of the men were interested in me.

When I started taking my 14-year-old son to a one-eighth-scale, live steam-engine train park last summer, I began to volunteer my time. The outdoor setting was beautiful, the people were friendly, and it was surprisingly fun. It didn't take long for a divorced man to strike up a conversation, and within six months we were married!

I found out by happenstance that what you suggested works: Look where men spend their free time, and enjoy the same wholesome activities. -- LUCKY IN OREGON

DEAR LUCKY: I'm delighted to hear about your happy outcome. Sometimes we make our own "luck" -- and I think you "engineered" yours beautifully.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As a lawyer who represents injured people, and as someone who has a back injury, I read with interest the letter in your column from "An Outraged Grandparent," who was angry that her granddaughter was suffering severe back pain from the 20 pounds of books she was required to carry to and from school each day.

I heartily agree with your idea of a rolling briefcase or luggage cart. I have used one myself since my back injury. However, it is important that the student and her grandmother know that they should not view the school's policies as unchangeable. The Americans with Disabilities Act requires that schools make reasonable accommodations to persons with disabilities. A reasonable accommodation in this situation would likely legally require the school to provide a locker for the student, or be more flexible in allowing her to carry lighter books, perhaps by cutting the books into sections.

If the student's teachers are unwilling to cooperate, I would strongly suggest that she complain to the principal. If this is ineffective, the family should file a complaint with the U.S. Department of Education. An inquiry from the Department of Education often causes school officials to become far more accommodating than they previously thought possible. -- STEVEN FEINSTEIN, SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR STEVEN: I'm certain that "Outraged Grandparent" will be grateful for your professional opinion, and thank you for it. Since I printed that letter, I have received many sympathetic letters offering helpful advice for the granddaughter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Most kids carry their backpacks too low on their backs. This puts a lot of strain on the lower back and spine. The load should be carried high on the back, which puts more of the weight on the shoulders.

As a former Marine, I've had to carry a lot more than 20 pounds, and have done so for 10 to 15 miles. I have learned that the higher you carry your load, the easier it is on your back. It's not how much you carry, but how you carry it. -- AN OLD MARINE

DEAR OLD MARINE: Because backpacks are so popular, I'm sure many students will benefit from your years of experience. Thanks for the input. Semper Fi! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a college student who had many physical problems in high school.

Since the girl is seeing a chiropractor, her chiropractor should write a note to the school stating her condition. It should be given to the principal, and if need be, to the school board. The school can issue her a second set of books, which she can leave in her desk or with the teacher. My teachers were glad to do this for me. If a note from the chiropractor is not acceptable, the girl should get one from an orthopedic specialist.

The teachers should also be willing to bend on the binder issue. The grandmother should make sure her granddaughter uses soft binders. They weigh less and take up less room than hard binders.

A final thought: I have seen backpacks with wheels. They are quite large and have a plastic handle that slides out from the back for pulling. Luggage shops carry them and so do college bookstores. -- S.H. IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR S.H.: Dozens of readers advised me that backpacks with wheels are available in luggage stores, discount department stores, etc.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman. When I was in my mid-20s, my doctors told me I could never have children. At that time I was dating "Doug" and told him about my infertility. He said it didn't matter to him.

We became engaged and I started planning the wedding. After all of the plans were made, Doug changed his mind about wanting to marry me. He said that after thinking it over, being a father was very important to him. I was devastated.

I have now been dating a very nice man for two years. He has told me that the fact I can't have children does not affect his feelings for me, and that if we decide we want a family we can always adopt. He says that he'll never let me go. But how can I believe him, Abby? -- CAN'T TRUST IN CAMBRIDGE, MASS.

DEAR CAN'T TRUST: Doug was a cad. However, just because you got a bad egg once doesn't mean you should give up on finding a man you can trust. Not all men are alike. The one you're dating now sounds like a keeper to me.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and her husband and children have completely severed their relationship with our brother because of his new wife's gift-giving practices.

On my teen-age niece's last two birthdays, our brother's wife has given her a "gift" of used clothing still reeking of our sister-in-law's perfume. My sister and her daughter were very hurt by these tacky gifts.

Our brother and his wife shop for themselves in thrift shops. They don't have to shop there, but they choose to. However, neither my sister's family nor myself is comfortable doing so.

Abby, I'm usually the family peacekeeper, but I'm open to any suggestions. Should I say something, or should I keep my mouth shut and let them resolve this? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN TUCSON

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: It's unfair for your sister to cut your brother out of her life without explaining why. Encourage her to explain politely, but truthfully, why they have stopped speaking -- but after that, you should stay out of it.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, in the middle of the night, a friend had chest pains. She called a neighbor and was taken to the hospital, where she was treated. Fortunately, all is well. However, her doctor told her that what she had done was wrong. He said, "You should never call a friend or neighbor; they are not equipped to help you in an emergency. Call 911!"

She told me this story, and two weeks later, I was at a friend's for New Year's. I ate too much salty food and suddenly was gasping for breath. I had just told them the story about 911 that evening. They did just that -- called 911 -- and within minutes a police officer arrived with oxygen, administering it while waiting for the ambulance. I'm convinced it saved my life. -- RUTH DAIGEN, WANTAGH, N.Y.

DEAR RUTH: I'm sharing your story with my readers because it illustrates what 911 is supposed to be used for -- a life-threating emergency. Thank you for an important letter.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)