DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "Ruth Daigen in Wantagh, N.Y." about her experience with 911. As a 911 operator, I'm proud that with your help her life was saved. I wholeheartedly agree with you that 911 should be used for emergencies only. Unfortunately, it is often abused.

Please, Abby, advise your readers to think before they dial. If we are responding to a call about a barking dog, the weather or someone who needs a ride, we may be unable to handle a life-threatening emergency. This could mean the difference between life and death. In the front of every phone book is a listing of non-emergency numbers for every local agency.

Do not use 911 as a "game." A prank call can cause someone to lose his or her life, and the penalty is a large fine. Children should be taught to use 911, but only in extreme circumstances. As parents, we don't think about getting hurt or becoming seriously ill, but it happens. With proper training, your 4-year-old could save your life.

We are here to help 24 hours a day. But remember: You are our hands and eyes. Give as many details as possible -- address, directions for getting there, and precisely what the situation is. Then be prepared to listen carefully. With the operator's help, you may save a life.

If you are unable to talk, keep the line open. We will listen, try to determine what kind of help you need and dispatch it immediately. If you have a serious medical condition, contact the office of your local 911 center and inform them in advance, making sure to give them the name of a contact person who has access to your home and can help us enter to reach you.

If you are on the road and use your cell phone to report an accident, be prepared to describe your location. Try to remember mile markers, exits, route numbers, road names, businesses that are close by -- anything that will help us determine where you are.

911 is many people working together: trained professionals, volunteers and the public. When we all cooperate, it works beautifully. If you need help, give me a call. You know my number! -- 911 OPERATORS EVERYWHERE

DEAR 911 OPERATOR: You have written an important letter. I'm printing it because everyone should be familiar with 911 and treat its lifesaving services with the respect they deserve.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I no longer love each other. He's a workaholic and refuses to talk anything out. He said that if I don't like it, I can leave.

He's been this way since day one. I haven't left because we have a 5-year-old son.

Abby, is it better to remain in a loveless marriage for the sake of our son, or would getting on with my life be better? We both want full custody, and I hate to put our son through a nasty legal battle. Neither will I give up my child.

What should I do? -- MISERABLE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MISERABLE: Offer your husband the option of marriage counseling in order to improve your relationship. If he refuses, then see a lawyer and get on with your life. The atmosphere you describe is not a healthy one in which to raise a child.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband's brother and his wife have been through a month of pure hell because of something their son unwittingly did. He thought it was OK to have sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend because she consented. ("Joe," our nephew, is also 17.) They had been dating for a year and seemed to be very much in love. Their first sexual encounter was three months ago.

To his horror, he learned the hard way that it is a felony in California for a minor male to have consensual sex with a female who is under the age of 18 and is not his wife.

Our society has been teaching sex education and preaching safe sex. Young people have been lectured on the danger of contracting AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases, but educators and parents forget to reinforce the fact that sexual relations are against the law in some states if either party is underage -- even though both parties have agreed to it.

Abby, all it takes to land a young man in criminal court is for a girlfriend to become angry and seek revenge by crying rape, or for her parents to become irate and file a complaint. The boy can then be sent to juvenile hall, the boys' ranch or even the California Youth Authority.

We need to rethink our sex education programs to include the legal ramifications as well as the emotional and physical pitfalls. -- AUNT OF GOOD BOY IN TROUBLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AUNT: I agree; the legal consequences of sexual relations should also be taught in schools.

DEAR ABBY: Please print this. I have a long history of major medical problems, plus more hospitalizations than I can count.

Last week, for the first time in my life, I signed myself out of a hospital. I just couldn't take it anymore. Let me explain:

I had a medical emergency, went to the ER, and had to wait for three hours for a room in the hospital. I was exhausted by the time I got to my room at 2 p.m. Then I had to endure my roommate's reciting her medical history a dozen times to her endless stream of noisy, rude visitors. By 8 p.m., there must have been 20 people in the room. Not one of them had a thing to say that was worth listening to.

I couldn't get to the bathroom because it was on the other side of my roommate's bed, which meant I'd have to walk through (or pass) the crowd in a gown that opened in the back.

I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was go home where I could get some rest. I insisted that the nurse remove my IV so I could leave.

A word of advice for people who visit friends or relatives in a hospital: First, figure out what you want to say, say it, and leave!

I'm sure that patient's family perceived themselves as wonderful, warm, supportive family rather than the rude, selfish jerks they really are. -- EXHAUSTED IN TACOMA

DEAR EXHAUSTED: It would have been better had you asked the nurse to limit your roommate's visitors so that you could rest. You could also have insisted that visiting hours and visitor limitations be enforced. (Most hospitals have limited visiting hours and usually allow only one or two visitors at a time.) Or, you could have asked to be moved to another room. If you are hospitalized again, don't just lie there and take it. Assert yourself and make your needs known.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My problem is very complex, and I hope you and your readers can help. "John" and I have been married for almost 20 years. It's the third marriage for both of us. We both have children from previous marriages; all of them have caused us major problems through the years, but that's another letter.

John is a womanizer and always has been -- here in town and when he travels for his job in the United States and foreign countries, which is often. While he has traveled, I have filled my time completing my higher education.

My problem: I am terrified of catching HIV or some other STD, and I want to know how I can convince John to use protection with me. I doubt that he uses protection in the field.

Divorce is out of the question. We are in our early 50s, and we're both executives in the same large corporation, have a beautiful home and a lot invested in the future.

My friends can offer no advice, and I'm at a loss for a way to approach this and still maintain my marriage. I know I can't be the only wife in this position, and need help badly. -- WORRIED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR WORRIED: If your husband refuses to use a condom, you should know that a condom for women was invented a few years ago. Discuss this with your gynecologist or pharmacist. Since he has no qualms about putting your well-being in jeopardy, be direct with your husband and tell him, "No protection -- no sex."

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column since I was a teen-ager and have enjoyed it thoroughly. I have a complaint that I don't recall having seen in your column.

Announcements have begun to appear in church bulletins, etc., about special events for Mother's Day. These events are for mothers and daughters only; sons are excluded.

I am the mother of two wonderful sons, 14 and 15, who have brought me more happiness than I ever dreamed possible. My husband and I would rather spend time with our sons than with anyone else. They are quick-witted, intelligent, caring young men.

I used to be very involved in the church, helping with flower arrangements, food and planning for the mother-daughter banquets. During one of these banquets, I found myself in a room full of mothers who were with their daughters, and it made me feel very left out. I found it ironic that my husband was home with our sons while I was celebrating the event of motherhood without the very children who make it possible for me to celebrate the day at all! I have never attended another mother-daughter banquet.

Mothers and sons have a unique relationship. I understand that some outings should be for mothers and daughters only; however, the time to plan these events is not on or around Mother's Day. The only mother-daughter relationship I will ever enjoy is the one between my mother and me. Our relationship has been wonderful, but my mother understands that I cannot attend mother-daughter functions anymore because my sons are what my celebration is about.

On Father's Day, festivities revolve around both father-sons and father-daughters, but things seem to have stalled where mother-sons are concerned.

When mothers are honored, ALL mothers should be included. -- CINDY JENSEN-MICKLER, SIMPSONVILLE, S.C.

DEAR CINDY: You have a point. Since change must begin somewhere, why not begin with you in your own neighborhood or church? Organize a mother-son banquet, or at the very least, persuade the committee to change mother-daughter banquets to mother-children events. The ball is in your court.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)