DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine recently asked if I would be the best man at his wedding. Of course, I told him I would be happy to. However, there is one problem: What exactly do I do? I want to make sure I'm performing all the duties that are expected.

Would you please print a "job description" for me and all the other best men out there who are not completely sure what they are doing? It would be greatly appreciated. -- THE BEST, BUT A LITTLE LOST IN NEW YORK

DEAR BEST: It is an honor to be the best man, and one that is usually accorded to a brother or closest friend. As I point out in my booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding," the best man's job is to help the wedding proceed smoothly. The duties vary somewhat, depending on the type of wedding, but they typically include:

-- Making sure the ushers have their attire and appear for the ceremony on time;

-- Providing his own outfit;

-- Acting as a witness and signing the marriage license;

-- Either separately or with the ushers, providing a gift for the groom;

-- Attending the rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner, if there is one;

-- Volunteering to help the bride's mother in any way he can;

-- Arranging for the bachelor dinner;

-- Helping the groom dress and accompanying him to the church;

-- Taking charge of the wedding ring;

-- Presenting the clergy with the envelope containing the fee for the ceremony;

-- Offering the first toast to the bride and groom;

-- Mingling with the guests at the reception;

-- Helping the groom dress for going away;

-- Checking the car and luggage, and reconfirming the hotel reservations;

-- Driving the couple to the airport or hotel.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Mother of the New Kid on the Block," whose son is having trouble finding new friends in a one-friend-at-a-time neighborhood, prompts this letter. She said he gets on his bike and goes to another boy's home, only to find the other boy is not allowed to entertain more than one boy at a time.

Why does he have to go to someone else's house?

When our son was small and we moved to a new neighborhood, I invited the four neighbor boys near my son's age to our house on a Saturday afternoon for lemonade, stories and games. They enjoyed themselves so much they came over to our house to play every day. It was no trouble for me because my son was happy playing with his new friends in a safe place. I knew where he was and what he was doing at all times. The other mothers appreciated the fact that their children were supervised.

Yes, it takes some extra effort, but everything worthwhile takes work and commitment.

Abby, I'm glad I did it because my son had a happy childhood and grew up to be a well-adjusted man. -- JUANA O. ACOSTA, OXNARD, CALIF.

DEAR JUANA: Your solution was wise and loving, but it would have been more fair had the other mothers taken turns entertaining the children. Sharing the load lightens the burden.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I live in Seattle, which is famous for its beautiful environment, lovely gardens and quiet neighborhoods -- until summertime, that is. Then out come all the ice cream trucks with their loudspeakers playing obnoxious music over and over at high volume.

I used to look forward to the peaceful summer days when I could be outside and enjoy my garden, but now all I want to do is hide inside with a stack of pillows.

Noise pollution is on the increase in our already overstimulated world. Is it any wonder that people's nerves are frayed? I also feel sorry for the drivers, who must listen to that awful noise eight hours a day. What do you think? -- ICE CREAM TRUCK HATER

DEAR ICE CREAM TRUCK HATER: Don't fight an American institution, akin to Mom and apple pie. No doubt many adults find ice cream trucks annoying; however, they have a timeless appeal to children, and I have even heard some grown-ups admit that the music takes them back to their childhood.

When you hear the truck approaching, cover your ears and observe the delighted expressions on the faces of the children gathered around it. The good humor may be contagious.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Needs Help in New York."

I was married March 14, and everyone thought it was a beautiful wedding. My parents were thrilled when we told them we were engaged, but they were also financially limited. They told me they would be able to spend "x" amount of money only -- and that's what they did.

My husband's parents gave us a beautiful rehearsal dinner. My husband's brother and sister and their spouses helped foot the bill for the reception. No one was required to take out a loan from anyone.

Our wedding was a collective effort on the part of everyone who loves us -- from those who stood up for us, to those who worked behind the scenes, to those who helped out financially. Our wedding was special and beautiful because those who are dear to us did what they could to make it so.

"Needs Help" should talk with her daughter and her ex-husband and try to come up with a compromise that will make their daughter's wedding what it should be -- a beautiful memory, not a painful monthly payment. You may use my name. -- JENNIFER L. INGRAM, ST. JOSEPH, MO.

DEAR JENNIFER: I agree. And may I add that from your description, your wedding was the ideal -- a joining of two families, accomplished through an outpouring of love and generosity on both sides. Congratulations and continued good fortune.

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "Grieving in Orange, Texas," and I decided to write. I am an 11-year-old girl whose family goes to a local nursing home every week to visit the people there. We enjoy the visits tremendously -- and I know for a fact that the patients enjoy our company. -- TRYING TO HELP IN SPRINGFIELD, ORE.

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: Your letter about this wonderful family project made my day, just as I know that your visits to the nursing home make the residents' days.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When we have out-of-town guests, what are our responsibilities?

We provide luxurious private accommodations and meals, which is to be expected. But are we supposed to pay for ALL their entertainment -- such as the ballet, symphony, concert and golf fees?

We invited a couple to stay with us, but where do we draw the line? They will be houseguests for three weeks because they will be coming from a great distance, and this was planned nearly a year ago.

If they offer to pay for anything, should we accept their offer? -- NO NAME OR CITY, PLEASE

DEAR NO NAME: The symphony, concert, ballet and golfing? Your guests appear to be accustomed to the best. The financial arrangements for these activities should be discussed with your invited guests before they arrive and before the reservations are made. If you are purchasing tickets in advance, you can easily ask for their seating preferences -- and which credit card number you should give the box office. Also, if the visitors play golf, with or without you, they should pay their own way.

Since they are staying for an extended period, your guests should reciprocate your hospitality by taking you to dinner at least once a week. You should not have to pay for everything, nor should they expect it.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column regularly and find you to be the voice of reason. On many occasions I thought about writing to you for advice -- and now I am. An invitation to an upcoming bridal shower is what put me over the edge.

Is it appropriate for the bride's mother to throw her daughter a bridal shower? And, more important to me, to include in the invitation a three-page history of the bride and groom, along with the bride's panty and bra sizes? -- HORRIFIED IN THE HAMPTONS

DEAR HORRIFIED: According to the etiquette books, bridal showers may be given for the bride by her friends or relatives -- but never by members of either her immediate family or her fiance's.

I see nothing wrong with including information about the bridal couple for guests who might not have met one of them. However, to include the bride's bra and panty sizes is disclosing far more information than necessary.

I've heard of blushing brides -- but it should be a flush of happiness, not embarrassment.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to add an act of kindness to your collection.

About two years ago, we moved to Alta Laguna Mobile Home Park in Alta Loma, Calif. We had our newspaper subscription transferred.

After three or four mornings, I commented to my wife that the new delivery person was doing an excellent job of getting the paper on the top of our steps right by the door.

Later I discovered that a widow in the park arises at 5:30 every morning and walks around the park picking up newspapers and putting them at the door of all 50 homes.

Abby, the widow is Vernon Stotts (cq), and she just celebrated her 93rd birthday. What a wonderful person.

I hope when I reach her age I am as spry and alert as she is. -- ROBERT J. WATSON JR., U.S. NAVY (RET.)

DEAR ROBERT: So do I. Thanks for writing!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)