DEAR ABBY: Recently you published several letters from women who harped on the worthlessness of men. Occasionally the women mentioned moments of loneliness, but on the whole considered themselves to be better off without their husband -- or any man, for that matter. The general message seemed to be that men are, for the most part, worthless and cause only trouble.

Male-bashing has become so common, most people accept it as normal. However, I am bothered by it. This may in part be because I am male, but it is more than that.

Recently, at an after-work get-together, a group of women huddled in the kitchen and complained, "There aren't any good men out there." There were several good ones at that very gathering -- at least a dozen -- all single with graduate degrees, decent jobs and a bright future. I knew several of them, and know they treat women with respect. Not that any of the women clustered in the kitchen would have given these men the time of day.

A friend told me that men who treat women with respect have many women friends, but no dates. I fear she is right. I see many "nice guys" passed by in favor of losers who are nothing but trouble. So the nice guys remain single and the women end up miserable and, sometimes, hating all men. It's really sad.

I'd like to think that decent men and women do find each other, but for those in the post-college age bracket, I cannot say that I see it happen very often. However, I am convinced that "looking" is near the heart of the problem. Perhaps we would do better LISTENING. Our eyes have not served us well in the realm of romance. We don't seem to be able to "see" with our hearts very well. -- NO LONGER LOOKING IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

DEAR NO LONGER LOOKING: If you were a woman writing with this problem, rather than saying that good men get passed by, you would be stating that all men want women who appear physically perfect. This situation is as old as the battle of the sexes. Please do not despair. Decent women still want decent men, and vice versa. It will be a banner day when these stereotypes die a natural death.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoyed the story you printed about the Easter egg hunt where the children were so generous to the girl who was blind. For the past three years, I have been privileged to participate in an Easter egg hunt for blind children sponsored by the Blind Babies Foundation in Fresno. It's called a "beeper egg hunt," because the plastic eggs have small beepers in them to guide the children.

Many times the children receive assistance from sighted companions, but the children locate the eggs by sound.

Sighted children help prepare for this special egg hunt by painting large plywood eggs and gluing pictures of the children with sight impairment to pictures of the Easter Bunny. These souvenirs are presented to the parents of the special students.

During the preparation for the hunt, sighted students are introduced to some of the problems those without sight face, and they react very sympathetically. Therefore, this program benefits both those with sight and those without. -- DICK HERBOLDSHIMER, FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR DICK: Beeper eggs -- what a great idea! I understand there are many kinds of beeper products to aid people without sight to participate in sports and other activities. Hooray for the technology that allows them to enjoy some of the things most of us take for granted.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last night my boyfriend and I ate at a very good Chinese restaurant. The sign says it closes at 9 p.m. We arrived at 8:45, were seated and ordered a small meal.

While we were starting the soup, the server brought the main course. As we began the main course, he brought the fortune cookies and the bill and placed them on the table. He said they were closing the cash register and asked us to pay immediately. At the same time, another employee began vacuuming around us and the other couple who were still eating.

Abby, it's a large restaurant, and they could have started cleaning at the other end of the room. The woman of the other couple asked them if they'd please turn off the vacuum, and was told they were closing. Meanwhile, my boyfriend and I paid for a meal we couldn't enjoy. Had we known they would rush us, we could have ordered the meal to go.

We are late eaters, so we usually ask when we enter a restaurant if they're still serving. Are restaurant closing times generally considered the same as store closings when customers should be out the door at a designated time? What do you think, Abby? -- DISAPPOINTED DINER IN SAN CARLOS, CALIF.

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Don't fault the employees at the Chinese restaurant. The posted closing time is just that, a closing time that should be honored just as customers should abide by the closing time of a department store.

Next time you must eat late, in consideration for the restaurant owner and employees, select a restaurant with a later closing time -- or order take-out.

DEAR ABBY: In response to the letters in your column about domestic abuse -- one from a divorce lawyer in Florida and another from Attorney General Tom Udall of New Mexico -- I am sure they both mean well, but domestic abuse is not cut-and-dried.

Yes, we need to protect women from batterers and free them from arrest when they defend themselves. But one-sided laws that protect only women (battered by men) are just quick-fix schemes -- "sound bite" laws.

Blanket protection for women doesn't address gay and lesbian relationships (like it or not, they do exist -- and they, too, have batterers). Women are also batterers and abusers, not just in lesbian relationships, but also in straight relationships. Men, too, can be victims.

Laws against domestic violence should focus on the abuser, whoever the abuser is -- male or female, straight or gay, rich or poor. Law enforcement and politicians should be trained to understand all the possibilities, and then take educated action to end abuse. We already have too many laws and too many police. What we really need now is more respect for both -- and for one another. -- STEPHEN RANDOLPH, SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR STEPHEN: You make a good point. However, I believe the laws are written the way they are because the vast majority of spousal battery cases involve men abusing women. After reading your letter, I would concur that the laws should be amended so that all batterers, regardless of gender, should be liable for their actions.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I must disagree with your response to "Trying to Forget," the woman who had slept with the husband of a co-worker at her new job. You told her to forget it and treat "Bill" as though she had never seen him.

My husband of nine years had an affair, and we are now divorcing. As it turns out, he was sleeping with an ex-girlfriend while we were engaged and living together 10 years. He also had a couple of other affairs I recently found out about, and I hear he's sleeping around on the woman he's been having the affair with for two years.

The sad thing is that employees of his, friends and acquaintances say he always was a womanizer. I wish someone had clued me in long ago that my husband couldn't be trusted. We have a 5-year-old daughter who is devastated her daddy left, and I had to be tested for STDs and HIV. Because my husband didn't use protection, I may have been exposed to a multitude of diseases.

I'm not sure how it should be done, but this wife needs to know what her husband has been up to, since "Trying to Forget" probably wasn't his only affair.

By the way, I wish I'd listened to you 12 years ago, when I wrote you that my boyfriend liked to go out without me. You told me to leave him. Unfortunately, that's the guy I married and am now divorcing. I guess I had to find out the hard way -- once a playboy, always a playboy. -- NO LONGER CLUELESS, OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR NO LONGER CLUELESS: "Trying to Forget" asked me how she could co-exist in a working environment with "Bill's" wife -- and I can think of few things less conducive to a professional relationship than for one colleague to tell another that she's slept with her cheating husband. Her motives could be misunderstood, and the woman might think it was an attempt to break up the marriage.

As to your own womanizing husband, don't beat yourself up about what you "should" have done 12 years ago. Be grateful that you finally came to your senses and did what you had to do. Some people NEVER learn.

DEAR ABBY: I have a request for "Snapping Away in Greer, S.C.," who always serves as the photo historian for get-togethers. Please stop taking my picture when I specifically ask you not to. You often ignore my request and snap away anyway. I am not being shy; I genuinely don't want my picture taken.

It is beyond my comprehension how these individuals can be so rude and disrespectful of one's wish for privacy. -- WANT MY PRIVACY IN PHOENIX

DEAR WANT MY PRIVACY: It is all too frequently forgotten that respecting the wishes of others is a social grace. When individuals request that their picture not be taken, photographers should resist the urge to pursue it. They should look elsewhere -- they'll soon find a "ham" and then both can both enjoy the camera.

READERS, PONDER THIS: "All great things are decided not by machines or gadgets, but by willpower. Whoever has it will finally prevail." -- WINSTON CHURCHILL

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)