DEAR ABBY: I was recently in a relationship for eight months. It started when I was 22. My now ex-girlfriend (I'll call her Sue) was 18.

Abby, we fell in love quickly. I gave her my all. Her family loved me and mine loved her. She said I treated her better than she had ever been treated. (I was raised that way.) I respected her, loved her and never mistreated her. In the fifth month of our relationship, I proposed. She accepted.

Sue recently went on vacation with some girlfriends. The vacation had been planned before we met. I didn't object. I told her to go, and that I trusted her.

Well, she was gone for a week during which I never received even one phone call. When Sue returned, I was at the airport with open arms. Within 24 hours of her return, she announced that she wanted to call it quits. She said she wanted her freedom, that she was too young to have her life planned. She swore she hadn't cheated on me during her vacation. She told me she knows she'll never find anyone who will treat her as well as I have. I was heartbroken.

It's been a month, and Sue has gone "wild" since the vacation. A family member confided that Sue had confessed to cheating on me during the vacation.

Abby, women used to complain that guys have no morals, treated them wrong and cheated on them. Today, the roles are often reversed. Women claim they want a guy who will treat them right, open the car door, bring flowers, etc. Abby, that's me! I don't understand how Sue could have claimed to love me and then been unfaithful.

I have dated for the past eight years, and I've never been this much in love. I know the obvious response to this is that I'm young and have plenty of time; however, I must ask: Where are all the "nice girls"? -- ONE OF THE LAST NICE GUYS

DEAR NICE GUY: One day you will realize how fortunate you are that this happened BEFORE you married Sue. She may have been swept off her feet by your marriage proposal, but she's far too immature for marriage.

Count your blessings and keep looking. There are nice girls everywhere, waiting to be recognized by someone who has as much to offer as you.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Terri," and I are both 19. We have been dating for 18 months.

Abby, I never get to see my friends anymore. Everytime I tell Terri I want to be with my friends, she throws a fit and we get into an argument. She thinks I should spend all my time with her. It's like she's jealous when I choose to be with my friends for a day.

Abby, I miss my friends. I'm not bored with Terri; I just need time with my friends. -- FEELS CONFINED IN PACIFICA, CALIF.

DEAR FEELS CONFINED: Terri may be more insecure than jealous. She needs to work on this, because one of the surest ways to sabotage a relationship is to make the other person feel confined.

Of course you need time with your friends, and Terri needs time with hers. You are not joined at the hip. Part of developing as individuals is maintaining separate interests. If you have put up with this for a year and a half, you must like Terri very much. However, I hope you'll consider what I have said, and insist on a degree of independence for both of you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My father is 35 years old. He has had two disks removed from his back. His doctor put him on a diet to lose 50 pounds, but Dad isn't very good at staying on a diet. He knows he should follow the doctor's orders and lose weight, but I see him already slipping back into his old eating habits.

Daddy is a professional bowler with many trophies to prove his skill. I've tried to talk to him, to make him understand that his spine can't handle all his weight plus the weight of the bowling ball. I'm afraid he's going to injure his back even more than he already has. I worry that he'll end up in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

I'm 13 and I love my father very much. I don't want this to happen to him. What can I say or do? How can I help him understand that I want him to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and to dance with me at my reception? How can I make him realize what he's doing to himself and to me? -- TROUBLED DAUGHTER

DEAR TROUBLED: I understand how much you want to help your father, but it is not your responsibility. It is HIS responsibility to help himself and to help you with your fears, not the other way around. I'm printing your letter so you can show it to him. Seeing your moving words in black-and-white should be all the motivation he needs. Bless you, dear.

P.S. Although the likelihood that your father will need a wheelchair in the future is not great, you should know that many fathers who are in wheelchairs have not only escorted their daughters down the aisle, but also danced with them at their reception.

DEAR ABBY: I have some advice for "Heartbroken in Vermont," the woman who fell in love with a man who had just gone through a tough divorce.

I am also involved with a man who went through a very painful divorce. Unfortunately, he's still going through difficult times. His ex gives him a hard time when he wants to see his son, and causes many other problems.

When we met, we were instantly attracted to each other. We started dating and things were great, but then he backed away. I took it personally until I realized all the problems he was having with his ex. I let him back off, but kept our conversations alive.

To make a long story short, we are still seeing each other, and he's one of the best fathers and companions I've ever known. If I don't hear from him for a week, I know he is trying to cope with his problems and I just let him be. We catch up with each other later.

So, "Heartbroken," keep the lines of communication open. Call just to say "Hi" and see how he is, and be unthreatening. Maybe, just maybe, he will feel more comfortable and come around. I can tell you that if he feels penned in, he will run and all will be lost. Men in this situation need a little more space. Try to be understanding and patient. Things will happen if they are meant to. -- HAPPILY PATIENT

DEAR HAPPILY PATIENT: I advised "Heartbroken" to keep looking. The man she loves had been deeply hurt in his divorce and made it clear that he wanted his space. A byproduct of her moving on may well be that her ex-boyfriend will take a second look at the potential of their relationship and realize that if he continues to shut her out, he'll lose her.

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DEAR ABBY: Last year my father-in-law passed away. Before he died, he left a letter on a computer disk for my daughter. I believe it is a short history of his life. My daughter is only 2 1/2, so I am saving it to give her when she is old enough to understand it.

Recently my mother-in-law requested a copy of the letter. I feel that since the letter was addressed specifically to my daughter, she should be asked if it's OK for someone else to read it. I personally have not read the letter, although I don't think my father-in-law would mind, but I feel it is a matter of principle. Am I being unreasonable in asking my mother-in-law to wait and ask my daughter herself in a few years' time? -- WONDERING MOM

DEAR WONDERING MOM: Yes. You stated in your letter that you don't think your father-in-law would mind. Why stand on principle when to do so would deny your grieving mother-in-law access to what could be a treasured memory? Let her read the letter. I'm sure your daughter would approve.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were recently invited to the lavish wedding of the daughter of one of my civic club members. I have never met the bride or groom, and I'm unlikely ever to do so. I believe that strangers or even casual acquaintances have no place at something so personal as a wedding. We declined the invitation and sent a nice card with our best wishes.

Abby, this couple went to Italy on their honeymoon. The bride's father is very wealthy. They want for nothing. It is doubtful that anything we could have given them would have measured up. (We are of modest means.)

At our next civic club meeting, the mother of the bride gave me the cold shoulder. She chattered on and on about the wedding and what a nice time everyone had, filling the society columnist seated next to her in on who was there, and the details.

Was I out of line to have sent only a card? Should we have attended the wedding in spite of the fact that we knew neither the groom nor the bride, and would have felt out of place? -- SNOBBED IN SCHENECTADY

DEAR SNOBBED: Don't allow the mother's reaction to rattle you -- you were NOT out of line. You have every right to decline any invitation you wish. A card was appropriate, especially since you know neither the bride nor the groom.

DEAR ABBY: I love your column and I hope you will print this.

When I read the letter from "Lucky Old Guy in Oregon," whose wife is a health fanatic, I remembered the story about the couple who goes to heaven. It's really wonderful -- everything it's cracked up to be, and more. There is beautiful scenery everywhere they look, choirs of angels singing, superlative food and wine, the chance to hobnob with Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt, or any of the great thinkers.

After a few days, the man turns to his wife and says, "You know, I'm really mad at you."

"Why?" she asks. "What did I do?"

He says, "You and your healthy lifestyle -- no salt, no booze, no sugar, no meat, no cigarettes, walk a mile every day. If it weren't for you, we could have been here 10 years ago!" -- ERIC GORDON, VENICE, CALIF.

DEAR ERIC: I love your sense of humor. Thanks for sending this upper my way.

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