DEAR ABBY: My husband of many years urinates in the front yard of our home. He usually does this after dark, but has on occasion moved to the side yard to urinate during daylight hours. When we were first married I thought it was because he was drunk -- but he's been sober for more than 10 years.

I've told him I believe his behavior to be a form of perversion, illegal and disgusting. Years ago, he promised to stop since it upsets me so much, but when I interrupted his front-yard ritual a few moments ago he said he "forgot" how strongly I felt about it. He promised not to do it anymore and reassured me that all men do it. He doesn't think it is wrong at all.

Abby, we live in a nice neighborhood, my husband has a college degree, is a successful businessman and is over 50. I am so afraid my neighbors have seen him I can't even think about it. I've seen him do it even when the toilet would be closer. Is this a normal male ritual? -- THE "WHIZ-ZARD'S" WIFE

DEAR WIFE: This is not a subject that's often discussed, but I suspect the practice is not unusual. Dogs and cats urinate to mark their territory. Your husband may be doing it for the same reason. For pets, the problem can be resolved by neutering; however, I wouldn't recommend that for your husband. The Los Angeles Police Department informs me that it's "not illegal as long as it is not in public view." Check with the police in your city to be sure there are no ordinances against it.

DEAR ABBY: Why do so many mothers dress their little girls like adults? When my granddaughter, age 7, showed me her new bathing suit, I was appalled. It was a two-piece bikini that barely covered her bottom, and the top was no better. I didn't say anything other than to ask her who had chosen it. My granddaughter told me her mother did.

I don't know if I should say anything about this to my daughter-in-law. I don't want to lose her friendship, but the world doesn't need 7-year-old sexpots, and I believe that, aware of it or not, my daughter-in-law is encouraging this attitude in her child.

I have noticed that in her family all the women tend to dress provocatively. I want my grandchildren to learn better values than this. However, since they don't live nearby, I don't have much opportunity to influence them.

I don't want to run their lives or make enemies, but if the elders of our generation do not teach their young people about life and values, who will? I'm not afraid to be unpopular by standing up for what I believe; neither do I want to cause trouble. I'm not saying I'm better than my daughter-in-law, but I think my values are. What should I do? -- TROUBLED GRANDMA

DEAR TROUBLED GRANDMA: Any attempt on your part to "correct" your daughter-in-law's child-rearing methods could cause more harm than good. Because you are deeply troubled, approach your son privately with your opinion of the swimsuit and your values.

Keep in mind that although you do not live nearby, as your grandchildren mature, you will have many opportunities to share your values when they visit you or you visit them.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I read your column daily, but never thought I'd write to you. Now I need an objective opinion, because my family is on the verge of a meltdown.

Almost three years ago, I allowed my sister-in-law (the wife of my half-brother) to take over my cellular phone account. She ran up charges of nearly $750, then refused to pay the bill, so I had to pay it. I have been trying to get her to pay me back since that time, and although she has told several members of the family that she'll pay me, she has not. After all this time, I have come to believe that she will never pay me unless she is forced to, so I have filed a suit against her in small claims court.

Now my family is angry with me. They say I should have just let the money go. I say that's wrong, and she should not get away with it just because she's family.

Please advise me, Abby. Was I wrong to pursue this matter in court? -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: "Because she's family" is no excuse for this woman to stiff you out of $750. If she had intended to repay the money for the phone bill she ran up, she could have done it on installments and had the amount entirely reimbursed by now. I think you did the right thing. But I'm not family, and you may have to take some flak from yours for a while for standing up for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to confirm the observations of "No Longer Looking in Upstate New York." His description of the male bashing he heard going on in the kitchen, while at least a dozen eligible men mingled in the next room, hit the nail on the head. This is a sad, frustrating pattern in our society. I know, because for years I was one of the loudest male bashers.

After being in one abusive, disrespectful relationship after another, I finally realized that the common thread in all those encounters was ME. I was choosing those men.

Teetering on the edge of despair after years of pain and disillusionment, I was determined to go out with someone completely different from the men I was normally attracted to. Today I am married to that man. Abby, he did not say all the "right things." He didn't try to pick me up. He didn't thrill my heart and give me butterflies. But, as I tell him over and over, he's the most wonderful man in the world.

It took me a while to adjust to being treated with respect and steady interest rather than flattery-selfishness-flattery. My husband treated me like an important person, of all things. And he expected me to treat him the same way.

Each phase of our relationship has been different than what I was accustomed to, but changing myself and facing the unfamiliar has brought me love, joy and peace such as I never imagined.

In my eyes, women have the responsibility to ensure that nice guys finish first -- and flourish. -- JENNIFER IN ELYRIA, OHIO

DEAR JENNIFER: Fairy tales and Hollywood productions aside, a high-quality man may not be the most handsome in the room or the smoothest talker. A diamond doesn't reach its full potential until it's been cut and polished.

You made a mature decision, and for that, I congratulate you. If more women (and men) thought the way you do, there would be more lasting relationships.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and was dating a man a few years older. "Rick" and I dated for two years, and lived together almost a year and a half. About six months ago, Rick was killed in a motorcycle accident. Had he lived, he would have been the one I married and spent the rest of my life with.

Here's my problem: Although I loved Rick with all my heart, I know that I am young and will have other relationships. I'll never forget Rick, and I'll carry him in my heart. I don't want to hurt Rick's family or give them the idea that I don't respect his memory.

I have been doing things with a male "friend" of mine, and it may get serious. Is it too soon? I know that the only one who can know that is me, but how do I handle the public relations aspect? Rick is gone, and my life must go on. -- CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: It's all right to begin dating, but if you're considering living with this "friend" or making any announcements, I suggest that you slow down. Do nothing in haste, including an announcement to Rick's grieving family that you now have a relationship that may get serious. You are very vulnerable right now. Not only do you need time to heal from your loss, this new relationship needs time to develop.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to share an idea with your readers. I am currently an at-home mom with a 3-year-old daughter. I encourage her to do various craft projects. I couldn't save all of them and felt guilty throwing them in the trash. So we started a monthly project of making her crafts into tray favors (cards and bookmarks) for the local Meals on Wheels program. The organization is very appreciative of the crafts that brighten the days for many seniors. My daughter is also learning how she can positively impact her community. -- JOANNA VELASCO, PLACENTIA, CALIF.

DEAR JOANNA: What a charming idea! Your daughter is forunate to have a mother as imaginative as you. At the rate she's going, your little girl will be a recognized artist by the time she is out of kindergarten.

DEAR ABBY: I'm glad that "Lucky Old Guy in Oregon" thinks he's so lucky. Personally, if my spouse "whacked" me every time I lit a cigarette (or did anything that HE judged to be "unhealthful"), or yelled at me and gave me half-hour lectures if I cheated a little on my diet, I think I would find death to be a welcome escape from him.

My husband and I look out for each other's health. Our greatest wish is that we can happily, and with mutual respect, grow old together. The difference between us and "Old Guy" is that he seems to relish his wife's disciplinary tactics. His "loving" wife sounds like a major control freak to me, and he's a whipped doormat.

Abby, does this sound like a marriage of mutual respect and love? Would you want to be in "Old Guy"'s shoes? Just because he has lived a long life doesn't make him "lucky." Some inmates in prison live to be very old, too! -- LUCKIER STILL IN CANYON COUNTRY, CALIF.

DEAR LUCKIER: Your letter made me smile. It's difficult to argue with success, but it does make one wonder if "Lucky Old Guy" would be healthier if he had assumed the personal responsibility for disciplining himself instead of relying on his wife's orders to adhere to a diet and exercise plan.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)