DEAR ABBY: Thank you for sending me your 1988 letter from "Paying the Price in Phoenix." It is a powerful letter that I distribute to DUI/DWI defendants who appear before me.

May I suggest that you republish the letter and advise your readers that the average legal fee in such cases has now risen to more than $2,000 in the last 10 years. Driving after a "few" drinks could result in many thousands of dollars in legal, insurance and damage costs, not to mention the potential injuries and deaths. -- JUDGE IRA J. RAAB, DISTRICT COURT, NASSAU COUNTY, N.Y.

DEAR JUDGE RAAB: Glad I could help. I agree, the original letter is worth a reprint:

DEAR ABBY: I am a self-supporting single parent and recently was out on a date with a "fun" guy. He handled his beer just fine. I left him at 1 a.m. to drive home, knowing I'd had enough wine to necessitate caution while driving.

I was concentrating on being a careful driver when a light started to flash behind me. I pulled over, and the lady officer gave me the field sobriety test, read me my rights, took my driver's license and handcuffed my hands behind my back. I remember telling her that I was a professional and asking if I had to go through all that. She said I did.

I was driven to the police station in a police car. The officers were very courteous. I was given a Breathalyzer test. My rating was .13 -- the legal limit is .10. I was fingerprinted and ticketed for DWI. There were no prior traffic violations.

I was not allowed to leave unless someone picked me up. (I didn't want to tell anybody.) I said I'd stay the night, but the officer strongly discouraged it, so I called a friend to pick me up at the police station at 3 a.m. (It was terrible having to call my children and explain why I needed my friend's phone number.)

While I waited, I was locked in a cell like a common criminal. When I arrived home, it was time to go to work. I was required to report my arrest! It was humiliating to tell my work administrator.

I chose to retain an attorney for $1,000 to walk me through the legal process. I was completely without my driver's license for 30 days, and I was allowed to drive only to and from work for the next 60 days. Because the alcohol content was below .15 and there was no previous record, I was given special consideration such as the work permit, and the mandatory time in jail was counted as the time I waited in jail for my ride home. I was lucky.

My car insurance more than doubled for three years, and it will be seven years before I qualify for the less expensive rates. This experience is going to cost me at least $4,000, which I can ill afford. The inconvenience for myself and my children is difficult to handle.

I've had to impose on friends for rides and favors. My parents are disgusted with me, and I don't blame them. The mental stress is hard to handle.

I hope you print this, Abby. Maybe other people will learn from it. -- PAYING THE PRICE IN PHOENIX

DEAR PAYING: Thanks for a letter that may cause people to realize that if they have had "a few" drinks, they should not drive.

Sadly, statistics show that many die tragically and needlessly because the person behind the wheel had "a few."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband of many years urinates in the front yard of our home. He usually does this after dark, but has on occasion moved to the side yard to urinate during daylight hours. When we were first married I thought it was because he was drunk -- but he's been sober for more than 10 years.

I've told him I believe his behavior to be a form of perversion, illegal and disgusting. Years ago, he promised to stop since it upsets me so much, but when I interrupted his front-yard ritual a few moments ago he said he "forgot" how strongly I felt about it. He promised not to do it anymore and reassured me that all men do it. He doesn't think it is wrong at all.

Abby, we live in a nice neighborhood, my husband has a college degree, is a successful businessman and is over 50. I am so afraid my neighbors have seen him I can't even think about it. I've seen him do it even when the toilet would be closer. Is this a normal male ritual? -- THE "WHIZ-ZARD'S" WIFE

DEAR WIFE: This is not a subject that's often discussed, but I suspect the practice is not unusual. Dogs and cats urinate to mark their territory. Your husband may be doing it for the same reason. For pets, the problem can be resolved by neutering; however, I wouldn't recommend that for your husband. The Los Angeles Police Department informs me that it's "not illegal as long as it is not in public view." Check with the police in your city to be sure there are no ordinances against it.

DEAR ABBY: Why do so many mothers dress their little girls like adults? When my granddaughter, age 7, showed me her new bathing suit, I was appalled. It was a two-piece bikini that barely covered her bottom, and the top was no better. I didn't say anything other than to ask her who had chosen it. My granddaughter told me her mother did.

I don't know if I should say anything about this to my daughter-in-law. I don't want to lose her friendship, but the world doesn't need 7-year-old sexpots, and I believe that, aware of it or not, my daughter-in-law is encouraging this attitude in her child.

I have noticed that in her family all the women tend to dress provocatively. I want my grandchildren to learn better values than this. However, since they don't live nearby, I don't have much opportunity to influence them.

I don't want to run their lives or make enemies, but if the elders of our generation do not teach their young people about life and values, who will? I'm not afraid to be unpopular by standing up for what I believe; neither do I want to cause trouble. I'm not saying I'm better than my daughter-in-law, but I think my values are. What should I do? -- TROUBLED GRANDMA

DEAR TROUBLED GRANDMA: Any attempt on your part to "correct" your daughter-in-law's child-rearing methods could cause more harm than good. Because you are deeply troubled, approach your son privately with your opinion of the swimsuit and your values.

Keep in mind that although you do not live nearby, as your grandchildren mature, you will have many opportunities to share your values when they visit you or you visit them.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I read your column daily, but never thought I'd write to you. Now I need an objective opinion, because my family is on the verge of a meltdown.

Almost three years ago, I allowed my sister-in-law (the wife of my half-brother) to take over my cellular phone account. She ran up charges of nearly $750, then refused to pay the bill, so I had to pay it. I have been trying to get her to pay me back since that time, and although she has told several members of the family that she'll pay me, she has not. After all this time, I have come to believe that she will never pay me unless she is forced to, so I have filed a suit against her in small claims court.

Now my family is angry with me. They say I should have just let the money go. I say that's wrong, and she should not get away with it just because she's family.

Please advise me, Abby. Was I wrong to pursue this matter in court? -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: "Because she's family" is no excuse for this woman to stiff you out of $750. If she had intended to repay the money for the phone bill she ran up, she could have done it on installments and had the amount entirely reimbursed by now. I think you did the right thing. But I'm not family, and you may have to take some flak from yours for a while for standing up for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to confirm the observations of "No Longer Looking in Upstate New York." His description of the male bashing he heard going on in the kitchen, while at least a dozen eligible men mingled in the next room, hit the nail on the head. This is a sad, frustrating pattern in our society. I know, because for years I was one of the loudest male bashers.

After being in one abusive, disrespectful relationship after another, I finally realized that the common thread in all those encounters was ME. I was choosing those men.

Teetering on the edge of despair after years of pain and disillusionment, I was determined to go out with someone completely different from the men I was normally attracted to. Today I am married to that man. Abby, he did not say all the "right things." He didn't try to pick me up. He didn't thrill my heart and give me butterflies. But, as I tell him over and over, he's the most wonderful man in the world.

It took me a while to adjust to being treated with respect and steady interest rather than flattery-selfishness-flattery. My husband treated me like an important person, of all things. And he expected me to treat him the same way.

Each phase of our relationship has been different than what I was accustomed to, but changing myself and facing the unfamiliar has brought me love, joy and peace such as I never imagined.

In my eyes, women have the responsibility to ensure that nice guys finish first -- and flourish. -- JENNIFER IN ELYRIA, OHIO

DEAR JENNIFER: Fairy tales and Hollywood productions aside, a high-quality man may not be the most handsome in the room or the smoothest talker. A diamond doesn't reach its full potential until it's been cut and polished.

You made a mature decision, and for that, I congratulate you. If more women (and men) thought the way you do, there would be more lasting relationships.

For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)