DEAR ABBY: My friend and I commute daily to work. She works in the tasting room of a well-known winery. I work in the administration office. Our drive is about half an hour round-trip over a twisty mountain road where accidents frequently occur.

My friend has a drinking problem, only she doesn't think so. Working behind the wine bar every day, the wine is very accessible. She drinks two to three glasses of wine for lunch and about the same amount after closing time.

Her husband and her supervisor have discussed her drinking with her, but she shrugs it off. I feel that I need to bring it up because I am a passenger in her car two weeks out of every month. There have been times when I have offered to drive her home, but she says, "Oh, I've driven home with more of a buzz than this before."

Abby, I don't want to be in an accident, but I know that she will have one sooner or later. My husband has told me to call him anytime I feel she has had too much to drink and he will drive me home, which he has done.

Could you please advise me? Should I talk to her? Should I talk to her husband first? I'm very concerned. -- WINE WORKER IN THE NAPA VALLEY

DEAR WINE WORKER: Your co-worker is an occupational accident waiting to happen. Stop commuting with her, unless you are driving, and tell her why. There is no reason to talk to her husband first; he knows she has a problem. She needs to be jarred into the reality that she shouldn't drink and drive. Your lives and her job depend upon it.

DEAR ABBY: A customer's manager recently requested a conference at my office. After the conference was over, he leaned toward me and asked if I minded if he asked me a personal question. I replied, "No," and he whispered, "Why do you have such an ugly secretary?" Shocked, I asked him who he was referring to. He said, "The woman just outside your office."

I looked out at my secretary. "Barbara" was neat as a pin, but I realized she was very plain-looking, with a large, bulbous nose, thinning hair and deeply pockmarked skin. I turned back to the manager and said, "Barbara is so vivacious I've never regarded her as ugly. She always speaks lovingly of her husband, and talks about her children as though they're angels. She's a terrific worker and comes to work every day with a smile on her face. It's contagious."

Abby, that man's secretary could easily adorn the cover of Playboy, but I'll bet he doesn't enjoy working with her as much as I enjoy working with my secretary. -- HAPPY BOSS

DEAR HAPPY BOSS: Many parents have told their children that "pretty is as pretty does." Your secretary listened. Thank you for sharing the incident with me and my readers. You must be a terrific boss.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I are very much in love and we live together. I would like to propose to her; however, she has made it very clear that she does not want an engagement ring.

Abby, I would like to give her something as an engagement gift. Any ideas? -- TIM IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR TIM: You are asking the wrong person. Ask your girlfriend what she would like to have as an engagement gift, and take her with you to select it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to the letter from "Troubled Grandma," who was appalled at her 7-year-old granddaughter's revealing bathing suit. Lest you think Grandma is hopelessly old-fashioned, my daughter is 9 (I am 30), and I think some of the clothes marketed for girls are pretty shocking. Last summer, the style was teeny little tops that exposed the navel and had spaghetti straps, worn with bell-bottom hip-hugger jeans. The skirts this year are minis and the shoes are chunky with platforms.

My daughter plays with another 9-year-old whose mother bought her huge platform shoes for the summer. Every time the girls would run out to play on the swing set, this girl's ankle would turn and she would fall off her shoes! I told my daughter not even to THINK of wearing stuff like that.

I used to work the night shift for a courier service. My "run" took me into Manhattan between the hours of 1 and 3 a.m. (My husband, who was my fiance at the time, was beside himself about my doing it, but I needed the job.) During those hours, prostitutes would openly solicit on street corners -- and guess what they were wearing? Teeny tops with spaghetti straps, tight jeans and platform shoes!

Kids need to be kids for a long time. My daughter still has a "blankie" she sleeps with, and she isn't ashamed of it. In my opinion, girls should be concerned with skipping rope, running in the sunshine, swinging on swings and jumping in leaf piles after their studies. Dressing them like women pushes them to grow up too fast. -- OLD-FASHIONED MOM, TRUMBULL, CONN.

DEAR OLD-FASHIONED MOM: When I printed the letter from "Troubled Grandma," I did not realize what a hot-button issue children's fashions has become. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I would like to validate the feelings of "Troubled Grandma." I'm the mother of a 5-year-old girl and feel strongly about this issue. It's very difficult to find appropriate clothing for little girls, especially swimwear. All the suits are cut high at the leg; many have see-through sides and backs that leave little to the imagination. Wake up, people! Our little girls need a chance to be little girls! This means telling them "NO!" when they choose inappropriate clothing, and refusing to buy from manufacturers who are irresponsible.

I remember when I was young, my mom said "NO!" to outfits that were too sophisticated or revealing. I thank her for teaching me how to dress with style and class. These decisions are taught by responsible parents who have the guts to draw the line with whiny children, media and manufacturers who do not have a clue (and could not care less) about what makes a little girl become a self-confident, independent woman. -- STANDING TALL IN TEXAS

DEAR STANDING TALL: Thank you for speaking out on behalf of many like-minded parents. I hope the manufacturers are listening, because what I'm hearing is there is money to be made if someone can come up with a sensible, as well as appealing, clothing line. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Troubled Grandma" that in March, the new bathing suits will arrive in department stores. She should buy her granddaughter the cutest ruffled one-piece swimsuit she can find, send it to her, and ask for a photo of the child wearing it. Perhaps that will "cover" the problem! -- CHRISTINE L. ORMAN, DALLAS

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an emergency physician. Over the years, I have come to know many police officers, firefighters and paramedics who put their lives on the line daily for the good of our society. I have great admiration for them. They don't make millions for hitting home runs, but their work is vital to our communities.

Unfortunately, death in the line of duty is inevitable for a significant number of them, and consequently, every year hundreds of their children are orphaned. We have all seen pictures of funerals with an honor guard of dozens or even hundreds of the hero's comrades in attendance. A collection is taken; speeches are made. But what then? The surviving parent is left with a child or children to raise alone. Sometimes the youngest child is still in the mother's womb, never to see its father's face.

A moment of silence to honor the dead is well and good, but there are years to go before the children reach maturity. I think it would be most helpful to have several camps in our country where these children could spend a couple of weeks each summer, gratis. The benefits would be many:

Each year, these children would spend time with others who have had the same experience. Friendships would be created, and they could help each other face their loss and emerge victorious from their adversity.

The ongoing nature of the camp experience would be a permanent tribute to the memories of those who gave their "last, full measure." This would teach those children that our society is truly grateful for their parents' sacrifices. They would grow up with even greater admiration for their deceased parent, and thus greater self-esteem.

The surviving parents would be given two weeks a year of much-needed time to themselves. They would also become part of a surviving parents network that would inevitably develop.

Finally, the men and women of our nation who put their lives on the line would know that, if the worst happened, their children and spouses would not be forgotten the day after the funeral.

Surely there is land, public or private, that could be designated for this purpose. I am sure there would be no shortage of volunteers to help run these camps.

Abby, I can't think of anyone who would be more influential in promoting this idea than you. If you think it's worth mentioning in your column, I'm sure the response will be as overwhelming as it will be heartwarming. -- PHILLIP A. BREWER, M.D., YALE EMERGENCY MEDICINE, CHESHIRE, CONN.

DEAR DR. BREWER: Your idea has merit, and I hope it succeeds. With the closure of so many military bases nationwide, to create camps there for the children of public safety personnel who die in the line of duty, would be a fitting tribute.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law died in 1989, but my sister-in-law still sends an anniversary card to her father on their anniversary. In addition, she sends her father a sympathy card on the anniversary of her mother's death.

I have never heard of this. Is it normal? Is it healthy? -- CONCERNED SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR CONCERNED: Not only is it healthy, it's a very loving gesture. Your sister-in-law is to be commended for her sensitivity. I have received countless letters from widows and widowers bemoaning the fact that friends and relatives ignore the anniversary after the spouse dies. They tell me it's as if the marriage never took place, and it's a very lonely day for them. Because the spouse is deceased doesn't mean that the day isn't meaningful for the survivor. It's an important event, one filled with precious memories.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)