DEAR ABBY: I had a potluck party at my house seven weeks ago. A friend who was a guest at the party left her Crock-Pot at my house.

I have been waiting for her to call me to arrange a time for her to pick it up. She hasn't called. After the new year, she remarked, "So how long are you going to hold my Crock-Pot hostage?" I was too aghast to respond to her. Abby, how can I get her to pick up her Crock-Pot at my house? She lives 30 miles away. Is it my responsibility to drive 30 miles to return it? Or should she pick it up? -- CROCK-POT CONFUSED IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR CONFUSED: Why stand on ceremony? Make a lunch or dinner date with your friend and meet her halfway. She did you a favor by bringing food to your party, so pick up the phone and arrange to return her Crock-Pot. It would be a gracious gesture.

DEAR ABBY: May I comment on the letter from the woman who purchased an answering machine to monitor calls while her husband was terminally ill? It lifted the burden of responding immediately to callers, and the messages people left were a source of comfort and support to her husband.

Several years ago, my husband was in the hospital. In order to keep friends and family updated on his condition, I put a message on my answering machine. That way, they did not wonder how he was, and it saved me many repetitive phone calls. Everyone appreciated the message, which I updated frequently, and they did not hesitate to call because they knew they were not bothering me. -- MARIA BREMER, MC HENRY, ILL.

DEAR MARIA: Putting a message on the "greeting" tape of the answering machine makes great sense. Not only did it provide reassurance to worried friends and relatives concerned about the condition of a family member, it could also keep families informed during disasters such as earthquakes, floods, tornadoes, etc.

DEAR ABBY: In response to the letter from Carol Rushing in Omaha, concerning a fatal accident that involved a driver using a cell phone: I am a senior driver and senior accident investigator for SuperShuttle Phoenix, registered with the National Safety Council. When I teach drivers the DDC (Defensive Driving Course), I tell them they must not use a cell phone while driving, and to be doubly alert when approaching a driver who is using one. I tell them to treat those drivers almost the same way they would an intoxicated driver, because the person is not driving with 100 percent concentration. Many traffic problems are caused by cell phone users who swerve across lanes and cause near-collisions.

In some countries, drivers are ticketed if they do not pull over and park before using a cell phone -- and I hope this restriction will be adopted in the United States to establish better safety for everyone on our streets and highways. -- MELVYN RATTNER, SENIOR ACCIDENT INVESTIGATOR, PHOENIX

DEAR MELVYN: Your opinion as a safety professional is greatly appreciated. The majority of mail I received on this subject came from angry cell phone users who were outraged that I suggested the use of cell phones in automobiles should be regulated. Obviously, they are not aware of the degree to which distracted drivers jeopardize other motorists.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm 51 and on SSI because I'm disabled. In order to have a roof over my head, I have shared housing. I left the last house-sharing situation because it was dangerous for my grandchildren to visit me. Then I moved in with "Mr. Blank."

Abby, this man treats me like a princess. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. In fact, I could sleep all day if I want to. I love living here.

The problem is, Mr. Blank thinks he's in love with me and wants to tell his children that we are a couple. Abby, he's much older than I am, and I don't think I could ever love him the way he wants me to. (I quit looking for a love match years ago.) However, I would have no place to go if he became angry and asked me to move.

Mr. Blank reads your column every day, so please help me by printing my letter. Perhaps he will recognize himself and understand that I can't make a commitment to him, but I want to remain his friend. -- HAPPY HOUSEMATE

DEAR HAPPY HOUSEMATE: In case Mr. Blank does not recognize himself in my column, I suggest you set the record straight with him yourself. Tell him how much you love living there and how much you appreciate his kindness, but let him know that you are not looking for a commitment. Assure him that it's nothing personal, but you stopped looking for love a long time ago, and if you change your mind, he'll be the first to know. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve: people who call me on the phone and expect me to recognize their voices. This is especially irritating when it involves business calls. One of our company's clients never identifies himself. He has a pleasant voice but it has no unique quality, and every time he calls I have to ask who is calling. It's embarrassing for me and I worry that it insults him. I don't want to lose a client, and I certainly don't want to tell him that his voice is so ordinary I simply cannot recognize it.

Isn't it a matter of courtesy when you call someone to announce your name and ask for the person with whom you would like to speak? -- CLUELESS IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR CLUELESS: I agree it is courteous to identify yourself when placing a call -- especially a business call. One way to eliminate embarrassment is by answering business calls with an introduction that pleasantly requests callers to identify themselves right off the bat. For example: "Good afternoon. Company ABC. Mary Smith speaking. Who's calling, please?"

DEAR ABBY: I just turned 18, and my divorced mother and her steady boyfriend recently broke up. Now she wants to double-date with me.

Abby, my mother is almost 40 years old, and I'll never be able to get a date if I must double-date with her. What can I do? Mom reads your column, and I'm hoping you will publish my letter so she'll see that double-dating with me is not a good idea. -- DAUGHTER IN A BIND

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your mother may be almost 40, but she has young ideas. Tell her you still need her to be a mother, not a "pal" -- that at your age it would inhibit you and your date. However, in another five or six years (when you're all closer to the same level of maturity), it might be more fun for all of you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please help! My husband and I are having a relationship-threatening argument over child-rearing practices. As a child development specialist, I choose to err on the side of caution with my young son. I insist on seat belts, don't allow him to watch violent or scary movies, and never leave him unsupervised. I keep my doors locked, and teach him about stranger-danger and other safety issues.

My husband and his family feel that I'm raising him to be a wimp because I don't allow him to swim off a boat in areas known to have a lot of sharks. They don't worry about things like that. I am well aware of the unlikelihood of a shark attack on a human, but feel that it is an unnecessary risk. The beach is just fine for us.

What bothers me most, Abby, is that my husband sides with his family, putting down my beliefs and criticizing my son. Please comment. -- CAUTIOUS IN DAYTONA BEACH, FLA.

DEAR CAUTIOUS: If your husband is siding with his family against you to the extent you feel it's threatening to your marriage, your differences extend further than the area of child-rearing. I urge you to consider marriage counseling before those differences erode your marriage beyond repair.

You don't say how old your son is, but a mother's first priority should always be the safety of her child. Compromise with your husband on other issues, but don't back down when it concerns the safety of your son.

DEAR ABBY: I had dinner with a prospective girlfriend at her invitation at her house. We had just finished dinner when her phone rang. It was a male friend, wanting to tell her about some meeting he went to. When she answered the phone, she said she had company and asked if they could talk later. However, the conversation went on and on. I was in the other room and put on my coat to leave. At that point, she told her friend she had company who was leaving, and had to hang up. She said her friend apologized and said he hadn't heard her say that she had company.

I asked her why, when he kept on talking and talking, she couldn't have said again that she had company and would talk later. She replied, "I didn't want to be rude to him." I told her that she was rude to me, and the extended conversation was a big turn-off. It soured our budding relationship.

Who was out of line, Abby? -- BOB IN LONG BEACH

DEAR BOB: The caller. It was rude to keep your friend on the line when he knew she had company. The fact that the woman allowed the conversation to drag on could indicate a lack of concern for your feelings -- or simply a lack of assertiveness on her part.

They were both rude, and it's regrettable that a budding relationship died from the frostbite that followed.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "FREEZES UP IN PUBLIC": There are two kinds of people in the world. There are those who come into a room and their attitude says, "Here I am!" And there are those who come into a room and their attitude says, "There you are!" Which are you?

The "there-you-are" type is the winner. If you want to receive a warm welcome, remember: The happier you are to see others, the happier they'll be to see you.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)