DEAR ABBY: I'm writing you on behalf of the children in this country who are in danger of losing their eyesight to amblyopia or "lazy eye." Parents are often completely unaware there is any problem with their child's vision. Because amblyopia usually affects only one eye, children can see -- but have only monocular vision. Children don't realize they should be able to see through both eyes. One child was diagnosed after a bump to the eye. When he said, "I can't see the television; I hurt the eye I see with," his mom, a licensed optician, had the first indication that something was wrong!

Abby, 2 to 3 percent of the population has amblyopia. When this condition is detected before the age of 3, approximately 95 percent recover their vision. After the age of 6, it can be difficult to totally correct. Parents need to be sure their young children receive a comprehensive examination that checks the functioning of each eye.

For parents and children who are well aware of amblyopia, I am happy to report that there is a new support program for them. The Eye Patch Club offers suggestions and support for dealing with the challenges posed by amblyopia. -- MARK RUTTUM, M.D., DEPARTMENT OF OPHTHALMOLOGY, MEDICAL COLLEGE OF WISCONSIN

DEAR DR. RUTTUM: I was shocked to learn that one preschooler in 20 has a vision problem that could cause permanent loss of sight if left untreated. The Eye Patch Club, sponsored by Prevent Blindness America (also known as the National Society to Prevent Blindness), is a tool that parents of children with amblyopia can use to help them strengthen their "lazy eye." Patching or covering the stronger eye forces the weaker eye to work. The patient wears the patch for a few weeks (or longer), which helps to strengthen vision.

Of course, the child must regularly visit the eye doctor to measure improvement in the amblyopic eye. And, at first, a child may feel frustrated while wearing the patch over the stronger eye. That's where the Eye Patch Club lends support.

Prevent Blindness America not only offers The Eye Patch Club, it also provides information about the warning signs of eye trouble in children, ideas on how to make a trip to the eye doctor fun and easy for children, and more detailed information about amblyopia. For free information, call 1-800-331-2020. (What an appropriate telephone number!)

DEAR ABBY: A while ago I read a letter in your column about a 17-year-old named Brandon McCoy who, every year on his birthday, has a party and asks his friends to bring gifts for charity. It inspired me to model my own attitude after Brandon's giving spirit.

I too am 17. I love parties, so last Christmas I hosted a party and requested $5 donations. It was a huge success! I raised more than $100 for a local home for abused children and had a great time doing it.

I'd like to thank Brandon for the inspiration. Society tends to have a negative view of teen-agers, but he is living proof that we're not all bad. -- MARYBETH BARTELT, ST. LOUIS

DEAR MARYBETH: I'm pleased that Brandon's story touched and inspired you. Acts of generosity, especially on the part of activist teens like you and Brandon, enhance the quality of life for all of us and deserve to be acknowledged.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, I married a 40-year-old bachelor. It was his first marriage. Abby, he has given me only $10 (yes, $10!) in all the time we have been married, and he spends nothing on my children by my first marriage. I still pay all my own expenses, as I did when I was single -- my car payments, insurance, clothing, gas, and everything we purchase for the house, such as furniture, drapes, carpeting, linens. He also expects me to pay for his clothes and all of the groceries. I do this on a minimum-wage salary! He makes good money, owns his car free and clear, and the house is also paid for. All he pays for is utilities.

He is rude and grouchy to my kids and has never bought them birthday or Christmas presents.

His mother lived with him before we were married, and he has bought her a brand-new car, paid her insurance, car payments and gas, and he lets her pick out her own presents for Mother's Day, birthdays, etc.

He will never change, and I'm not even sure I love him. Am I a fool to stay with this man? -- NO CITY, NO STATE

DEAR NO CITY: Since you raised the question, the answer is, yes, you ARE a fool to stay with this man.

DEAR ABBY: May I please add my 2 cents to "Repented in Oregon," the young woman who had been promiscuous during high school and college? I was in the same situation, but unlike "Repented," I didn't wise up at 19. I was 24 when I began to turn my life around. By that time, I had slept with more than 50 men, had contracted herpes and flunked out of college -- since I spent more time in bars drinking and picking up men than studying. Somewhere along the way, I had also managed to destroy my credit rating. My self-esteem and reputation were both in the Dumpster.

While in college, I had signed a contract with the Army Reserves and ROTC. At the time, I didn't expect to fulfill the contract since ROTC would make me an officer and the contract was just a formality. Without realizing it, I had made the best decision of my life. When I was suspended from college due to poor grades, I moved to another state. Eventually, with the help of the military, I graduated from nursing school.

I now have a wonderful career in the nursing profession, as well as a wonderful husband and two beautiful children. Yes, my husband knows about my past and my herpes. We are careful so he has never contracted it. He loves me for who I am now, not who I was at one time. My friends and co-workers know I was a "wild child" but, like my husband, they see who I am now.

Unfortunately, when I visit my parents, who still live in my hometown, there are those who still see the "wild child." They continue to ignore the 11 years of accomplishments and growth that make me who I am today. I choose to see this as their loss, not mine.

To "Repented": The choices I have made throughout my recovery may not work for you, but know that your true friends will see you for who you are becoming, not who you were. Good luck. -- BEEN THERE AND RECOVERED IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for the great letter. I'm sure that more readers than "Repented" will see it and be inspired by it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I owe you a debt of gratitude, and I'll tell you why: I'm the guy ("Tormented in Oregon") who suspected his wife of having an affair with another woman after finding a collection of love letters and poems written by her best friend, a gay woman I'll call Grace.

When I returned from work the day my letter was printed, I was confronted by my very angry wife, "Julie." I was shocked because I never dreamed you would print my letter. And just in case you did -- I had changed some details so that if it were published, she would not recognize that I wrote the letter. Boy, was I naive!

The letters and poems were actually written by Grace to an ex-lover. Julie was just holding onto them for safekeeping. I was immediately placed in the doghouse, primarily for snooping and jumping to conclusions. I had to promise to commit myself to some very intensive marriage counseling. I also had to apologize to Grace. She also felt violated that I had read something so personal without her permission.

Some of the things I have learned, and would not have, had you not printed my letter:

1. Marriage is based on mutual trust. This does not include snooping into your spouse's private papers.

2. If there are problems at home, look no further than yourself. Blaming some outside influence will get you nowhere.

3. Honest communication is essential, no matter how difficult or painful it may be.

4. Be grateful for your spouse's friends. True friendship gives everyone a fuller, happier life, and actually enriches the relationship between husband and wife.

5. Paranoia will destroy your marriage faster than anything else -- and may, in fact, drive your spouse away from you.

6. Gay women do not go around seducing straight women.

Again, Abby, thank you. We are not out of the woods yet, but thanks to you, we're getting there. By printing my letter, you made me fess up to my actions and confront my own demons. -- A GRATEFUL FRIEND IN OREGON

DEAR GRATEFUL FRIEND: Based upon the lessons you've learned in only one month, your personal growth has been phenomenal. For that I congratulate you. Letters like yours make my column rewarding. Thank you for the update and kind words.

DEAR ABBY: I am 74, and for the past three years, due to health problems, have been unable to write legibly. When e-mail came along, I got a computer. It brought me great joy to know that I could communicate with my family and friends of a lifetime. I have always been a writer and love to receive mail from people I care about, but I became frustrated when I could no longer write "thank-you" cards to them.

My question: Is it better to acknowledge my thanks via e-mail so the response is immediate, or wait for the days when I muster up the ability to write and sign a card? Personally, I prefer knowing they received my gift no matter how they let me know. -- RUTH PHILLIPS

DEAR RUTH: Those who care about you know about your difficulty with writing. If using a computer makes it easier to communicate with your family and friends, then do so. Perhaps you can also use it to design your own personalized thank-you cards.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)