DEAR ABBY: My message to "Sick of Scraps," the woman who wrote you to complain about receiving letters from her longtime friend, "Ellen," on odd pieces of paper is: Guess what! Your friend Ellen has become a "green senior" -– an older environmentalist. By recycling odd pieces of paper, she's doing her part to conserve forests and her own resources. Go through your junk mail, select a letter with a clean side, and write her back! -- ANOTHER GREEN SENIOR, HELENA, MONT.

DEAR GREEN SENIOR: The responses to "Sick of Scraps'" letter have been varied and interesting. Some readers thought she was petty and mean-spirited. Others read more into it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Sick of Scraps" said she and her friend were both in their 70s, and it really struck a chord with me, as I, too, am in my 70s.

I can identify with "Ellen." We were Depression babies, and if she was raised as I was, we were taught to "waste not, want not." I, too, use odds and ends of paper to write notes –- even though I have pretty stationery. I recycle wrapping paper, pressing it with an iron to use it again. (My children and grandchildren tease me about it.) I also drape paper towels on a rack to reuse if they've been used only to wipe up water.

Like so many people, we were very poor during those years, and the lessons learned then I shall take to my grave. One of the things that really bothers me today is the waste, not only of materials, but of food.

I'm always delighted to hear from a friend, regardless of what the message is written on. "Sick of Scraps" is fortunate to have had such a cherished friendship for 36 years. -– "NANNY" FROM NEWPORT NEWS, VA.

DEAR NANNY: I applaud your sense of priorities, not only about the value of friendship but also the importance of preserving your assets. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As the publisher of a frugality newsletter, I see a lot of scrap-paper correspondence. For most who do this, it's a harmless little penny-pinching habit, but for others, it is a signal that all is not well either mentally or financially. I'd recommend that your reader gently comment on her friend's scrap-paper letters and see what kind of response she receives.

Intense frugality at this stage of life may signal several distressing possibilities: The woman may have real financial problems or imagined fears of outliving her money. Either situation could cause an obsessive type of scrimping. Or, if this is an abrupt change in personality -– apparently she has enjoyed nice stationery in the past -– it may be a warning sign of a mental deterioration that should be investigated.

Thrift is certainly commendable and we encourage it, but its sudden appearance in an extreme form in someone of this age needs further looking into. –- EDITH FLOWERS KILGO, "CREATIVE DOWNSCALING," JONESBORO, GA.

DEAR EDITH: Thank you for pointing this out, and also for the suggestion that Ellen's friend "gently comment" about the scrap-paper letters to see how her friend responds. It certainly couldn't hurt. You have added some valuable insight.

READERS: Stay tuned; more on this subject tomorrow.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Bob," is high-strung. Even my mother-in-law forewarned me about his rowdy, rough-and-tumble behavior. Bob is a sports nut whose favorite athletic activities are football, hockey and pro-wrestling.

Bob gets excited over any sport, and usually I can, too -– especially hockey. What I don't like is his need to "act out" the rough stuff he's previously viewed on television. For some reason that only he can understand, Bob seems to enjoy coming after me, scooping me up by my limbs and pinning me to the wall or the floor. I have repeatedly asked him to stop during the six years we have been married, but to no avail.

Some nights before we go to sleep he gets so restless and into what he calls "playing" that I have to literally defend myself against his sparring, poking and jabbing. Recently I have had to kick, scratch and bite him just to get him to stop. Even our beloved cat runs away from him.

Abby, please don't suggest counseling. I'm willing to go, but I know Bob won't. He'd say nothing is wrong, and in the presence of others, deny everything. He's polite around other people, but when we're alone, he's suddenly crude and obnoxious. It's as if it's something he's proud of.

Except for his obviously boorish, abusive behavior, everything else is fine. Is there a constructive way to get Bob to stop his rough "playing," or is it time to call this marriage quits? -- NOT A CRASH-TEST DUMMY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NOT A DUMMY: Wake up. Your husband's behavior is not "high-strung"; it's physically abusive and sadistic, and it could cause you a serious injury. For your own safety you must draw the line. Something is wrong with Bob. It's all right to be a sports fan, but what he's doing is not normal behavior.

Although you don't want to hear this, I think counseling would do you a world of good. If Bob refuses to go, go without him. It will give you valuable insight not only into why he's behaving the way he does, but also why you have tolerated this for six years. Please don't delay. And you'd be wise to consider separating until Bob is willing to modify his behavior.

DEAR ABBY: "Waiting in Arlington, Texas," works in a hospital and has a crush on a repair man. She said she wrote him a note but he didn't respond, so she summoned the courage to hand him a second note. When he failed to acknowledge it, she asked him if he had read it. His reply: "Nice penmanship."

She asked you what she should do to get a more direct response, and you advised her that she'd already received a response –- he wasn't interested.

Abby, you may not have considered all of the possibilities. For example, the man may not be able to read the note. The response he gave was certainly evasive –- but was he trying to avoid giving her a straight answer or the fact that he's illiterate? There may be more to this than a simple rejection. -– MYSTIFIED IN MISSOURI

DEAR MYSTIFIED: It's true that some people who are illiterate are so ashamed of it that they will do almost anything to hide it. However, "Waiting" also disclosed that, "Rumor has it that he's seeing someone." Therefore, it's also possible that the man felt his personal life was none of her business.

However, since every player is entitled to three strikes, I'm printing your letter. If "Waiting" sees it, I'm sure she'll step up to the plate again.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Lucy," my friend for more than 10 years, got married last July. She announced her engagement a year before, then lost touch with me and didn't call for almost a year. This was typical of the relationship we had -– she'd keep in touch and then just disappear. I'd hear from her when she got lonely.

One month before the wedding, I received a call from Lucy asking for my address so she could send me an invitation. I was a little insulted that she had waited this long, but attended the wedding regardless. Lucy mentioned that she had registered at a fine department store. However, when I checked out the items on the wish list, I found they far exceeded my budget, so my husband and I bought her a set of nice cookware from another store.

It has been eight months, and I have never received a thank-you for the gift. However, since the wedding, all Lucy has talked about is how busy she and her husband have been getting all those thank-you cards out. I heard through the grapevine that Lucy chose to send thank-you cards only to those who bought her the items she had asked for –- and chose not to acknowledge the others. I'm personally surprised and a little hurt by this.

What would be a tactful way of telling her that this is unheard of without starting a battle? -- HURT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR HURT: If what you heard through the grapevine is true, I hope your gift included cake pans -– because the bride's excuse for not sending certain thank-you notes takes the cake!

The surest way to find out why your gift has not been acknowledged would be to ask Lucy if the gift was received. It's possible that a thank-you note was sent but went astray. However, if the answer is she hasn't gotten around to sending one, perhaps you should send Lucy an etiquette book for her first anniversary. She could certainly use one.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Old-Fashioned Southern Lady" and to others who say they don't like prenuptial agreements: I would like them to consider the truth about marriage. Anyone getting married in a "Christian marriage" (and other religious or public weddings) realizes that the church wedding and the marriage license are two separate and different entities.

The marriage license must be signed by both parties and recorded by the state before the marriage is legally recognized by the state (except in common-law marriages). Therefore, by definition, this, too, is a "prenuptial agreement" in which you give the state in which you reside the power to determine how marital assets will be divided in case of death or divorce. Like it or not, a marriage is a legal arrangement and should not be left in the hands of an arbitrary document that leaves the state with all the rights.

So, instead of trusting the assets of their marriage to the state government, intelligent adults should discuss and write down their common beliefs as to what would be fair if the unthinkable happens. That's why we buy life insurance. We may not like the idea of having to prepare for tragic circumstances, but a wise couple prepares their marriage for all possible outcomes. -– BRADY L. CROM, PSYCHOLOGIST, HAWTHORNE, CALIF.

DEAR BRADY: You have explained it very well. I have always urged couples contemplating marriage, particularly those who have been married before and have children, to have a prenuptial agreement. In the event of death or divorce, it can prevent grief, heartache and misunderstanding. It brings to mind the Boy Scout motto, "Be Prepared."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)