DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away four weeks ago. Last night, I sat my three children down and read them my mother's life story from birth through 12th grade. As a graduation requirement for Ironton High School in Ironton, Ohio, in 1940, she had to write her life story.

She wrote about kindergarten, her best friends, neighbors, favorite games she played as a child, her religious testimony, her first crush, first time wearing makeup, first date, prom, and best Thanksgiving in a horse-and-buggy carriage going to my great-grandmother's farm in Kentucky. The vivid descriptions she wrote of herself as a young girl are so rich and beautifully clear in our minds today. What a gift this has been to me, my brothers and sisters and our children. Of all the possessions she left, her story is our most meaningful and precious treasure.

Abby, I'm writing this letter to suggest that high school English teachers today consider such an assignment. -- CAROL JEAN CLICK HARDISON'S DAUGHTER "SUE" IN GEORGIA

DEAR SUE: Your dear mother's writing project is a priceless memento, and the idea is certainly worth mentioning. The senior year of high school is a logical time to pause and take stock before beginning the great leap forward to adulthood. Not only would the subject be something with which the writer is intensely familiar -- it would offer many opportunities for creativity.

DEAR ABBY: You recently ran a letter about the importance of having identification. May I add a personal experience?

I had what I thought was a heart attack. I got myself to the hospital and was rushed into the emergency room. I was put on oxygen and hooked up to machines and monitored. The nurse even gave me a nitro pill. Then she asked me a question: "Is there anyone we can call for you?"

I was floored at the idea. I had ID with me; I'm never without it. But it was not current. My wife had a job that had her driving from store to store and couldn't be reached. My daughter slept days and I didn't have her telephone number. My eldest son had just moved and I didn't have his new number, either. I couldn't remember where my youngest son worked. None of my family could be reached.

At the time I was employed as a supervisor at the post office, and part of my job was to give a safety talk once a week. I used the above experience in my talk on the last day I worked. All the employees assured me that their IDs were up-to-date, but I insisted they check to make sure. I saw pencils whipped out to hurriedly erase outdated information, and one carrier piped up, "My God, I haven't been married to that witch for three years!" I know firsthand that current ID is very important. -- DEX PACKARD, AURORA, ORE.

DEAR DEX: I think you've made your point. Not only is it important to carry identification everywhere, it's equally important that the information be up-to-date. It doesn't have to be fancy -- a 3-by-5 index card tucked in a purse, a wallet or a pocket will do. And for joggers and athletes who don't want to "carry" anything, marking the information in indelible ink on the tongue of an athletic shoe will accomplish the same thing.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jack," is a wonderful companion and a caring father, but he has one hang-up that's driving me up the wall and embarrassing me in front of our friends. I've talked with him about it until I'm blue in the face, but he refuses to accept it. He has been losing his hair steadily for the last 10 years, and although nearly half of our female friends have bald husbands, Jack refuses to acknowledge the fact that he no longer has the hairline he once had. Abby, he now parts his hair behind his ear and "sweeps" it over the bald spot.

To make matters worse, his favorite sport is boating. No matter how much "goo" he uses to keep his swatch of hair anchored down, once we're out on the water, he has a foot-long "flag" of hair streaming in the breeze. When we have friends with us, they often stare at the back of his head in horrified fascination, and I'm so embarrassed that I don't know where to look. What can I do to get Jack to wake up and realize the only person he's fooling is himself? -- FRANTIC IN FORT LAUDERDALE, FLA.

DEAR FRANTIC: Balding is an issue for many people -- both male and female. Some people are more sensitive about it than others, and go to great lengths to "cover up" the problem. However, your husband's sensitivity to losing his hair has gotten to the point where it has become a case of "the emperor's new clothes."

If you can't convince your husband that bald is beautiful, you might be able to convince him that his disguise is fooling no one by taking a video camera along on your next boat trip. One look at the replay should help him see the wisdom of consulting a hairstylist who can assist him in maximizing the hair he has left -- or visiting a specialist to explore the option of a transplant or hairpiece. I wish you the best of luck. There are none so blind as they who will not see.

DEAR ABBY: My husband (I'll call him Nick) fathered a daughter out of wedlock 23 years ago. Nick and the mother were both very young and marriage was not an option. The child, "Sherry," was placed for adoption.

Sherry located her birth parents about six months ago. Only a few people (mostly relatives) know about this young woman. Nick and I have been married 18 years and have two children, 16 and 12. He and Sherry have a close relationship, and she has met our children.

Abby, we're unsure how we should explain this to people. Nick would like to have a large party and introduce her to our friends and family. I'm not certain that a large "coming out" party is the best way to go.

We have read your column for years and would appreciate your opinion. What would you do in our situation? -- NICK'S WIFE

DEAR WIFE: I commend you for your mature, healthy attitude. Since Sherry and her father now have a close relationship, your friends and relatives are sure to find out about her one way or another. Rather than giving Sherry a "coming out" party, a diplomatic way to introduce her might be to host a party during one of the holidays, when friends and family usually gather anyway. As the invitations are extended and accepted, all prospective guests should be told exactly who Sherry is to avoid any surprised reactions that could make her feel uncomfortable or unwelcome.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for 21 years. A couple of weeks ago, he surprised me with the news that we're going on an all-expense paid trip to France and the Cote d'Azur courtesy of his company. It will be our first trip to Europe together, and I'm very excited. I see this as kind of a second honeymoon.

Now, here's the rub: Five years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had a mastectomy, underwent six months of chemotherapy and had some reconstructive surgery. Though breast cancer is never cured, I was given an optimistic prognosis. I have done my best to regain my life and live each day. It took a while to not think about dying all the time, and I think I have gotten to the point where I look toward living the future.

We have been making plans for our trip and, much to my surprise, my husband said he would like us to go to some of the nude beaches when we're on the Riviera. I have been on nude beaches before and I'm certainly no prude, but I'm very uncomfortable about being seen in public with my "deformity."

I am very physically fit -– but I feel like a freak with only one breast. My husband was surprised when I said I'm uncomfortable about going topless, and though I know he would never make me do anything I feel uncomfortable about, I could tell he thought that I have a problem. Now I'm wondering if I DO have a problem. -- SURVIVOR IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SURVIVOR: You are understandably self-conscious because you feel you look "different." Your husband probably reacted the way he did because he still regards you as a beautiful woman, and he no longer "sees" your mastectomy scars.

As you already know, you see everything on the nude beaches in Europe -– old, young, fat, thin, and everything in between. This includes people who have had various surgeries, scars and all, so please don't be concerned about being viewed as a curiosity. If you prefer to remain covered, go with your feelings. There's no law that obligates you to undress.

However, before you make a final decision, please discuss the idea of a day at the beach with your physician. Because scar tissue does not tan, you might be advised to take special precautions to protect your skin.

DEAR ABBY: I have a very close-knit family -– four grown children and nine grandchildren. My daughter "Kay" lives in a neighboring town and brings her two children for Sunday dinner with me once a month. My other children live locally and come for dinner every Sunday. My son "Tom" always brings his dog.

The dog is very playful. However, the last time Kay was here with her children, the dog snapped at the baby. My grandson is 19 months old, not yet steady on his feet, and he almost fell over. Kay says she won't come here anymore if Tom brings the dog -– and Tom says he won't come if he can't!

Abby, Kay thinks the dog is more important to me than my grandson. I just want everything to stay as it was. What can I do? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE IN N.J.

DEAR CAUGHT: Tell Tom it's time to grow up and reorganize his priorities. A snapping dog who is unpredictable around small children is not "playful"; it's a dog bite waiting to happen. For the child's safety, the dog must be kept away from the baby. If Tom chooses to exclude himself from one family dinner a month -– then so be it.

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