DEAR ABBY: When I saw the letter from "PDX Traveler, Tigard, Ore.," I had to write. The seating problem he described has been created by the airlines. They moved the seats closer together to increase revenue, and they profit at the expense of their customers. Passengers should be able to use the seats they have paid for, the way they were designed to be used, without having to ask permission from the person seated behind them. And if they cannot, they should be compensated! -- 6 FOOT 4 TED FROM NEW JERSEY

DEAR TED: When I printed the letter from "PDX Traveler" I had no idea it would hit such a sore spot with frequent airline travelers. When I recommended asking for bulkhead seating, I was unaware that even though people may request it months ahead, there's no guarantee they will get it. From the tone of my mail -- and I received a bushel -- I'm surprised there aren't more incidents of "airplane rage" than we read about, because the situation is combustible:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 6-foot-tall woman who has also experienced the smashed knee, pinned-in-place-for-the-duration-of-the-flight situation that your reader wrote about. As you suggested, I have tried to get bulkhead seating, but it goes fast. You usually have to take regular seating.

On a trip to Chicago this past spring, I was pinned in place, unable to move the entire flight. We changed planes in Detroit, and I vowed to my companion that I wouldn't suffer any more. When we boarded the next flight for the hop over Lake Michigan, a man took the seat in front of me, and proceeded to recline it. I braced my knees and he couldn't move. He pushed and I pushed. He turned around and angrily said, "Is there a suitcase behind my seat?" I just as angrily replied, "No, it's my knees!" His jaw dropped.

I was feeling a little guilty. Thinking he was probably traveling all the way to L.A. on the continuation of the flight, I reasoned that he could recline after I disembarked from the 20-minute flight to Chicago. When we landed, I stood to leave, and Mr. Recliner stood to disembark as well. He gave me a nasty look, and I said, "You got a problem, Bud?" Since I was a head taller than he was, he said, "No."

I admit, I may have been rude, but how rude was he? I'm tired of being physically crushed by inconsiderate people. If that means I must be inconsiderate, too, so be it. Nonsmokers have rights. Handicapped people have rights. Obese people have rights. Even short people have rights. I say, it's time tall people had rights, too. -- TALL IN FLORIDA

DEAR TALL: I realize that many travelers are fed up with being crammed into aircraft like sardines. The most effective way to resolve the problem would be to write the president of the airline, vent your feelings and request something be done about it at the corporate level. Since Americans are growing taller and bigger with each passing decade, something must be done to accommodate reality. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You and your readers might like to know that airplane seats are uncomfortable because they were designed when fewer people traveled and air travel was more of a luxury. The basic airframe hasn't changed since the 707. Engineers say that the airlines are unwilling to pay for design changes necessary to produce the comfort customers want. If Boeing doesn't do it -- maybe Airbus will -- which will be to their gain! -- STEPHEN L. RENNACKER, BERKELEY, CALIF.

DEAR STEPHEN: Clearly, this is a problem that will not be resolved without cooperation from the airline industry. If anyone from the airlines would like to reassure the millions of people who fly every year and who read this column -- I'm sure it would clear the air.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to "Wants to Be Loved in Pennsylvania," whose fiance refused to set a date because he said she "loved him too much." There is one strong, practical, inescapable truth. Almost NO single man, including her fiance, thinks that marriage is a good idea. He associates it with getting old, becoming settled and being tied down. Almost ALL fiances need a strong jolt to upset their satisfied complacency and to make them realize how important and necessary their woman is to them.

She should make herself unavailable to him. No ultimatums, no blame-placing, no arguments. Just a clear announcement that he obviously has different future goals than she, and that she is immediately separating toward hers. And stick to it! If it's meant to be, he will quickly realize that she is essential to his happiness, and he'll discover (as have millions of other married men) how happy and fulfilling the dreaded marital life really is.

Take it from this 79-year-old married man who faced and made that fortunate decision as a 40-year-old bachelor. Believe me, almost all men need that strong kick in the pants to awaken them to what life is really all about. She should stop kicking herself and direct it where it will do some good. -- JOHN H. STEINEMANN, SAN DIEGO

DEAR JOHN: You may speak for a percentage of men of your generation, but you don't speak for all of them. Many men want to be married -- and they want it more than some women do. That's when they write to me. Readers, something tells me this letter will generate some interesting comments from many of you.

DEAR ABBY: You have printed stories in your column about the kindness of strangers. Well, I have a story to tell:

In 1978, my sister and I were traveling together. We visited the London Bridge in Lake Havasu, Ariz. We had some car trouble near Parker, Ariz., and had to be towed to a motel.

After the car was fixed the next day, we toured the Joshua Tree National Monument. At about 2 p.m. we decided we were hungry, so we stopped at a restaurant, only to discover when we entered that they were closed until 4:30 p.m. We asked one of the men sitting at the counter where we could find a restaurant that would be open, since we were traveling and were very hungry. He jumped up and said, "Come on in!"

Abby, the cook was stretched out on the floor napping, but the man got him up to prepare a meal for us. We had pot roast, creamed potatoes, vegetables, biscuits and honey and fresh coffee. We felt like royalty being served in a "closed" restaurant. It was one of the highlights of our trip.

As we were leaving, we took a snapshot of that little restaurant to remind us in years to come how kind they were to total strangers. It was called the Stardust. -- RUTH RANSHAW, HARRISBURG, PA.

P.S. At the time, I was 62 and my sister was 73.

DEAR RUTH: We are bombarded daily with bad news, so it's refreshing to hear stories about acts of kindness. It reaffirms the basic goodness of people.

With a customer service policy like the Stardust's, I hope they're still in business and thriving. Thank you for writing.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I went to Europe on vacation, we asked our next-door neighbor to keep an eye on our house. My husband's parents had volunteered to do it. However, although I have a close and cordial relationship with my in-laws, I felt more comfortable leaving the key with neighbors who are members of our local neighborhood watch group. They could keep a closer eye on things while we were away.

Months later, at Christmas, I discovered my mother-in-law had been in our house several times in our absence "looking for gift ideas." When they gave us a set of pots and pans, she admitted to having gone through the linen closet and our kitchen cupboards. I was shocked, and asked when she had done this. She then disclosed that they had made a duplicate of our hide-a-key and had stopped by on several occasions when our neighbor was at work, just to check our house, "which is so much better than leaving it to a stranger."

My husband and I discussed it and decided not to ruin the holidays by confronting his mom and dad and asking them to return the key.

We are now moving to a new house in a town farther away. I'm sure his folks will want to stay with us when they come to visit, and we will be happy to have them.

We feel that our privacy has been violated. However, we don't want to cause a rift in the family. How can my husband and I prevent them from having the key to our new home duplicated? -- LOOKING FOR PRIVACY, NO CITY, PLEASE

DEAR LOOKING: I understand your desire not to spoil the holidays; however, I sense that you are looking for a solution that will avoid confrontation.

Invest in a keyless entry system for your new home, and change the entry code the day after your in-laws depart. If that isn't feasible, I suggest a heart-to-heart discussion about your privacy, or re-key the locks after they leave.

DEAR ABBY: I'm about to be married for the third time, to a woman who is also twice divorced. I love her dearly and I know she loves me, but there's a problem:

"Crissy" wants to keep her last married name for the sake of her daughter so that she and her daughter will have the same last name. The daughter, "Janie," is 9, and Crissy is worried that Janie will feel abandoned if her mother has a different last name. She also says it's easier if school records and medical records show her mother having the same last name.

I feel she should drop her former husband's last name and adopt mine. For her not to do so would be a sign that she isn't going into this marriage with 100 percent commitment. Am I being petty, or do I have a legitimate gripe? -- MY NAME OR HIS?

DEAR MY NAME: Multiple marriages and blended families are so common these days that your wife is worrying needlessly about her daughter's school and medical records. However, if she's afraid Janie would feel "abandoned" if she's the only person in the household with the former name, a compromise might be to hyphenate her present name with yours. It's a popular practice among professional women.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)