DEAR ABBY: I'm a desk clerk at a hotel in Arizona, and I get hit on a lot. I think the reason probably is that I do not wear a traditional gold wedding band. I am not into diamonds and gold. My husband and I prefer simple silver and turquoise rings.

You would not believe how many rude comments I receive about my ring. When I pointed to my ring and told one man I was married, he said in an exasperated tone, "But that's not a wedding ring!" Says who? I wanted to sock him.

A co-worker referred to my husband as "your husband, your boyfriend -- whatever." I said, "Husband! We're married." He said, "Well, where's your wedding ring?"

Abby, women are the worst. Once I mention I am married, I see their eyes glance to see what kind of "rock" I have, and a mixed expression of revulsion, pity and disbelief washes over their faces. It makes me feel uncomfortable and angry. Sometimes I feel like hiding my hands to avoid this treatment. Why should I have to feel ashamed of my wedding ring?

I have considered trading in our silver and turquoise rings just to please the crowd. Abby, short of toting my wedding certificate around in my backpack, what can I do to fend off this rudeness? -- MARRIED (REALLY!) IN ARIZONA

DEAR MARRIED (REALLY!): There is nothing you can do to curb the rudeness and thoughtlessness of co-workers and hotel guests, but don't let their comments get to you.

I see no reason why you should replace the ring your husband placed on your finger. Nor should you have to carry around a copy of your marriage certificate. A better way to get your message across would be to keep a small, framed wedding photo nearby to present when words fail you.

DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for years but have never written. However, I felt compelled to do so after reading the letter from Donna R. Berryman, stating: "Bookstores are just what the name implies -- stores."

Abby, my husband and I own a bookstore. We do research and place special orders for our customers as well as provide many other services. We have a terrific staff consisting of teachers, math and science majors, and other college students.

Our store works hand-in-hand with a local library, and we have donated books to it as well as sent customers their way. In return, they refer people to our bookstore.

I ask that Ms. Berryman not pass judgment on bookstores. I also invite her to visit ours -- we welcome the opportunity to show her how we compare with a library. I think she would be impressed. -- SUZANNE E. LAYFIELD, LITTLE PROFESSOR BOOK CENTER, MC KINNEY, TEXAS

DEAR SUZANNE: It sounds as though you have a wonderful bookstore. Many people find it helpful to use both bookstores and libraries for their needs. Over the last 10 years, bookstores have become increasingly diverse, dynamic and customer service-oriented. However for those who cannot afford to buy books, or need help researching what they need, the library is an invaluable resource.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I read with amusement the letter from "In a Bind," who wants to name her baby, if it's a boy, after her Uncle Frank. Her cousin, 2,000 miles away, also wants to name her baby after Uncle Frank, but she's not even pregnant yet. It's quite possible neither of them will have a boy, or one of them may not even get pregnant -- which would leave Uncle Frank with no namesake.

I was named "Margaret" after my mother's beloved Aunt Madge. I have a first cousin who is a year older than me who was also named Margaret, but has always been "Madge." (Her father was my mother's brother.) My mother and my uncle were neglected by their widowed, alcoholic father. It was Aunt Madge who gave my uncle a loving home after my mother left home to attend college and later marry. For this reason she was very special to my uncle. There may have been some resentment toward my mother for giving me the same name, but if so, I never heard about it. We were called by variations of the same name, and there is no animosity.

I prefer this reason, though: Aunt Madge was so special and worthy that they decided there was enough honor to go around. -- MARGARET JOHNSTON, CINCINNATI

DEAR MARGARET: That letter struck a chord with many people. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I share my name with a first cousin. It doesn't bother me, and to my knowledge, she doesn't care either.

When I gave birth to my daughter, I discovered that I had chosen the same popular first and middle names that my supervisor had named his daughter. When I told him, he smiled and replied, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."

Abby, I think both cousins should lighten up and view it the way my supervisor did. -- B.B. IN SLIDELL, LA.

DEAR B.B.: Your supervisor is a wise man. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In Italian families, it is customary to name the first-born male after the paternal grandfather, the first-born female after the paternal grandmother -- then follow suit with the maternal grandparents.

My dad came from a family of nine; consequently the family consisted of many "Rosies" and "Bens." At all family gatherings, someone would call "Rosie" or "Ben," and many heads would turn in response. We considered it a privilege to have been named for our grandparents.

Those cousins can live with at least two Franks in the family. Honor your uncle! -- ONE OF A DOZEN ROSES (MY MOTHER'S TERM FOR ME)

DEAR ROSE: I'll resist the temptation to add, "... with mustard and relish." Italians are not the only ethnic group who honor relatives by naming their children after them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my Danish immigrant forebears scattered from Minnesota throughout the West, many wished to remember a beloved relative, William Hansen. Children and grandchildren were named after him.

In the late 1950s, we had a family reunion at Uncle Bill's farm near Brainerd, Minn. After a big midday farm dinner, my Great-Aunt Jessie called from the back porch, "Bill Hansen come here now!"

Abby, six males aged 5 to 65 came running. It was a hoot -- and I'll never forget it. To "In a Bind," I say, "It's a family name -- share." -- KATHRYN HANSEN, WILLIAMSBURG, VA.

DEAR KATHRYN: There's wisdom in those words. I second the motion.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a beautiful, sweet grandmother who has been going to the same beauty shop for 40 years. Her stylist, "Sue," teases and lacquers her hair until it's stiff as a board, and also gives her those frizzy perms that make her hair look like Brillo. She sleeps with her hair wrapped in toilet tissue.

For my wedding, I offered to send her to my stylist and pay for it, but she said she would feel so disloyal to Sue that she could never look her in the face again.

Abby, my beautiful grandmother showed up at my wedding looking like an apricot poodle! When I got the pictures back it almost broke my heart. What can I do to convince her that it's time for a change? -- LOVING GRANDDAUGHTER IN WICHITA, KAN.

DEAR GRANDDAUGHTER: Your grandmother sleeps with her hair wrapped in toilet tissue because she wants her "set" to last between shampoos. As much as you would like to see her adopt a softer and more contemporary style, she is satisfied with her hairstyle and comfortable with how she looks, so you should accept it. Had your grandmother been interested in changing her image, she would have accepted your offer to have her hair styled for your wedding.

DEAR ABBY: What is the proper etiquette when it comes to baby showers? I have a friend who wants a shower for her second child. Her first child is only 4. She has hinted around to me about how she wants "someone" to throw her another baby shower, and she has even registered at local stores!

Abby, I don't feel comfortable giving her another shower, but she's my best friend, and I haven't heard of anyone else doing so. I always thought that you have baby showers for the first child only. Am I wrong, or is this something that's changing because of the times? -- WONDERING IN SUPERIOR, WIS.

DEAR WONDERING: In my opinion, it's improper to do it this soon. Be honest with your friend and explain why you're uncomfortable about hosting another baby shower. It's generally assumed that if the children are spaced relatively close together, the mother will save the baby items and reuse them.

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "In a Bind," whose cousin didn't want her to name her baby after their uncle, reminded me of a joke one of my co-workers shared with me.

A young couple were having their first child, a girl. The wife began searching through baby books, looking for just the right name for their daughter. After several months of "research" she finally decided the perfect name was "Calliope."

Her husband disliked the name, but he was a skilled negotiator. Instead of arguing with her, he said with a broad grin: "That's a great idea! When I was in high school I dated a beautiful blonde named Calliope. Gosh! The memories that name brings back ..."

The next day, his wife informed him that she'd changed her mind. They named their daughter Caroline Alice, after both of their mothers! -- WHAT'S IN A NAME IN NEBRASKA

DEAR NAME: That's a hoot! The husband must have majored in psychology.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)