DEAR ABBY: My best friend is being married this summer, and she has asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. We have been friends since the third grade. My parents have always treated her like one of their own children. We see her only a couple of times a year now, because she moved 800 miles away.

Abby, I recently learned that my parents are not invited to the wedding. Am I wrong to feel hurt that they are excluded? If she had to limit the number of guests, why didn't she just omit my sisters and make room for my parents, who have always been so good to her?

I always thought that proper etiquette requires the parents of wedding attendants to be invited to the wedding. Am I wrong? -- NETTLED IN NANTUCKET

DEAR NETTLED: Although most etiquette experts say the parents of attendants should be invited to the wedding, Emily Post explains that it is a nice gesture when feasible, but not necessary. It's possible that budget constraints caused your friend to limit her guest list. Please give her the benefit of the doubt. Don't take this personally or allow it to sour a lifelong friendship.

DEAR ABBY: Enclosed is a poem my late father wrote in 1951 for Mother's Day. I thought you might like to print it. -- PAT KIRKLAND, RENTON, WASH.

DEAR PAT: Absolutely! Your father's poem carries a strong message for children who live at a distance from their mothers. If the message is taken to heart, it should brighten Mother's Day for many a mother. Read on:

THOUGHT FOR MOTHER'S DAY

If you have a gray-haired mother

In the old home, far away,

Sit down and write the letter

You've put off from day to day.

Don't wait until your weary steps

Have reached the pearly gate,

But let her know you think of her

Before it is too late.

If you have a tender message --

A loving word to say --

Don't wait till you forget it,

But whisper it today.

Who knows what bitter memories

May haunt you if you wait;

So make your loved ones happy

Before it is too late.

The tender words unspoken,

The letters never sent,

The long forgotten messages,

The wealth of love unspent --

For those, some hearts are breaking.

For those, some loved ones wait --

So make your mother happy

Before it is too late.

-- A. ROBERTSON, SOUTH BURNABY, B.C., CANADA

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Every time I pick up a newspaper, or see on the evening news a story about "road rage," I can't help but fear that my husband could be the next victim. "Alex" is an otherwise intelligent, caring individual who becomes the terror of the highway whenever he gets behind the wheel. He is somehow convinced that he's the only person who understands the rules of the road, and it has become his mission in life to educate other drivers.

His aggressive behavior includes slamming on his brakes -- even on the interstate -- when he thinks the car behind is tailgating. When he feels cars in the fast lane are going too slow, he cuts in on them and gives them the finger. Anyone who doesn't "step on it" at an intersection is in for a long blast on the horn to "wake them up." I'm afraid when our 15-year-old son gets his license, he'll think he can drive the same way.

I've tried to point out to him that this type of behavior could get us killed, but when he's behind the wheel, he's like a maniac. When Alex gets home and calms down he always apologizes for getting carried away, but it's the same story all over again the next time we're in the car.

Abby, I can't avoid riding with him because we have only one car. What can I do to convince Alex how stupid and dangerous this really is? -- A ROAD WARRIOR'S WIFE IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR WIFE: The next time "Alex" begins apologizing, let him know in no uncertain terms that you are taking over as the designated driver for the family until he takes a defensive driving course and seeks counseling to rechannel his anger.

Since your son is nearing the age when he too will get behind the wheel, the three of you could sign up for defensive driving classes as a family. In addition to driving schools, which are listed in the telephone directory, defensive driving classes are often available at community colleges and through your local automobile club. Please write again and let me know what impact this has on Alex's driver attitude. I care.

DEAR ABBY: I just celebrated 10 years of sobriety. I hope the enclosed item will motivate anyone who has a drinking problem to RUN, not walk, to AA before it's too late. I can testify that life is better without the bottle. It doesn't matter if people come from Yale or jail -- we in AA want them to join us. Their life will get better. I promise. -- "MUMPS" MOM

DEAR "MUMPS" MOM: Congratulations on your 10 years of sobriety. May you be able to celebrate every single year.

I hope the item you sent will inspire those with an addiction to alcohol to join you in recovery through AA. Read on:

"I drank for happiness and became unhappy.

"I drank for joy and became miserable.

"I drank for sociability and became argumentative.

"I drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.

"I drank for friendship and made enemies.

"I drank for sleep and woke up tired.

"I drank for strength and felt weak.

"I drank for relaxation and got the shakes.

"I drank for courage and became afraid.

"I drank for confidence and became doubtful.

"I drank to make conversation and it slurred my speech.

"I drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell." -- ANONYMOUS

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend, I called an old college friend and invited him and his wife -- I'll call them Carl and Sheila -- over for dinner. I was flabbergasted when he refused to accept my invitation before hearing what was on the menu and checking with Sheila!

To make matters worse, when he called back, he had "suggestions" on how to prepare each item I was planning to serve, as well as his wife's preferences for salad ingredients and dressing. I was floored! I told him I thought he and Sheila were extremely rude to dictate what I should serve in my own home.

My parents brought me up to believe that if you ask what's being served, it implies you're more interested in the food than the company. Carl says it would be more rude if they came to dinner and didn't eat what was served.

Abby, am I wrong, or do Carl and Sheila need a lesson in manners? -- STEAMED IN SALEM, MASS.

DEAR STEAMED: I can think of two reasons to justify asking you what you were planning to serve at your dinner party. The first would be if Carl or Sheila had food allergies; the second if they planned to bring the wine.

However, either one of those reasons should have been explained to you before Carl asked what you were planning to serve, and neither reason justifies telling you how they prefer their food prepared. Carl and Sheila were extremely rude, and if you wish to continue the friendship, in the future, meet them in restaurants.

DEAR ABBY: "Interested in Illinois" is unable to accept a man's reason, that she is "too young," for not wanting to see her again. She's only one of millions who fail to realize that a member of the opposite sex who gives a weak reason for not continuing a relationship is often being kind -- sparing the feelings with a white lie instead of the brutal truth. The rejected party should move on. -- ROBERT H. BICKMEYER, TROY, MICH.

DEAR ROBERT: I'm printing your letter because that's a good rule of thumb to follow in the dating world. You aren't the only reader who responded to "Interested's" letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a first-time writer, but a longtime reader. "Interested in Illinois" got my pen hand shaking and my 52-year-old wheels turning.

She said "Jim" was in the process of getting a divorce, and he told her she was "too young." That young lady should butt out! Jim has enough problems without her adding her pheromones.

Abby, please give her my address and phone number. I've been looking for "Miss Right" since my third divorce, in 1986. -- FREEZING IN BEMIDJI, MINN.

DEAR FREEZING: You're right and you're wrong. I agree that Jim has enough problems without the young woman's pheromones addling his thinking. However, you're wrong about the purpose of my column. I make it a practice never to makes matches unless I know both parties very well and can vouch for the fact that they are what they're representing themselves to be. Sorry.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)