DEAR ABBY: I am in my 50s and have been a widow for several years. Two years ago, I met a man at church (I'll call him Bob) with whom I fell in love. We were very close and enjoyed each other's company. After almost two years, Bob called it quits, saying the relationship wasn't going anywhere. He wanted marriage, but I was in no hurry. I was financially set after my husband's death, and I liked the freedom that came from not being married.

After the breakup, my friends and relatives came out of the woodwork. One of them knew him professionally and said he had a very poor reputation in the community and was not respected by his peers. She also said he was known to date only women with money. It seems everyone in the family knew this except me. I asked why no one had said anything before, and they said they thought I wouldn't believe them because I seemed so in love. However, they also said that if Bob and I had announced marriage plans, they would have stepped in.

I have mixed feelings about their knowing all this and discussing it behind my back, but I'm thankful they were ready to jump in to keep me from making a mistake.

I just want your readers to know that if they find themselves in a situation similar to mine, they should listen with an open mind to people who love them. It could save them from making a terrible mistake. -- LUCKY TO BE SO LOVED

DEAR LUCKY: Your friends and relatives managed the situation wisely. They were ready to unfurl the safety net if need be, but unless and until you were about to make a serious mistake, they didn't interfere. You are fortunate, indeed, to be so loved.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the man in Fort Lauderdale who sweeps his hair over his bald spot and embarrasses his wife with his foot-long "flag" of hair streaming in the breeze when they go boating.

I can't believe your answer about consulting a hair stylist or visiting a specialist about a hair transplant operation or getting a hairpiece.

Did it occur to either of you that the simple solution is to buy him a sporty yachting cap -- you know the kind, with the gold braid? It will work. Trust me. -- ROBERT DOYLE, LAS VEGAS, NEV.

DEAR ROBERT: Hats off to you -- and to other readers who suggested that the writer simply buy her husband a hat. However, the wife was not complaining only about her husband's hair on the boat. She was complaining because he insisted on living in a state of denial. Wearing a hat is a temporary solution at best because hats are not acceptable in all situations. Facing the problem head on and dealing with it is a better solution.

DEAR ABBY: I heard a good one recently that I thought you might like to pass along in the name of good clean fun:

A 6-year-old visited a retirement home with her Brownie troop and was recounting her adventure to her mother. "I saw a 103-year-old man with a cat, and a woman who was 104!" said the child. "I even talked to a woman who was 108!" Amazed, the mother asked her how she knew their ages. Her daughter replied, in a tone that made it clear the answer should have been obvious even to an adult, "Mommy, it was written on their doors." -- JACK THE JOKER

DEAR JACK: Thanks for the laugh. One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 65-year-old woman. My husband is 68. For the past seven years my husband (I'll call him Earl) hasn't been able to perform in the bedroom. To be honest, that didn't bother me one bit. Six months ago he decided to have an implant. Now he thinks he's a young stud again. He pesters me to death and wants sex four or five times a week, when once a week is more than I can handle.

My best friend, "Mildred," has been widowed for more than a year. She keeps telling me to send Earl over to her house as she has been starving since her husband died. I know she's very clean and free of any disease. I told her that I would write to you, and if you gave your approval, I would agree.

I'm not afraid of losing Earl, as Mildred isn't good-looking at all and she's a terrible cook. (My husband enjoys eating.)

Please answer this in your column because Earl picks up the mail, but neither he nor Mildred reads your column. -- PESTERED WIFE IN PHOENIX

DEAR PESTERED: Don't agree to the arrangement. If Earl and Mildred are "cooking on all burners" in the bedroom, you might be surprised to find he's less preoccupied with what's coming out of the kitchen. And as for having nothing to fear because Mildred isn't at all good-looking -- let me remind you what Benjamin Franklin said: "All cats are gray in the dark." I urge you to keep the home fires burning, and if Mildred says she's "starving," tell her to order take-out.

DEAR ABBY: Last year when I graduated from high school, my Aunt Loraine, who lives across the country from me and couldn't attend the ceremony, sent me a lovely congratulations card, a generous check, and a copy of your "Keepers" booklet. It was terrific.

I have begun receiving announcements from my friends who were a grade behind me. I'm in college and money is tight, but I'd like to give them a little remembrance, and I thought about your booklet since I enjoyed it so much.

Abby, I loaned my booklet to a girlfriend who's attending college in Berkeley, so I don't have the address to order them. Would you please print the address again? Not just for me, but also for others who would like to send the booklets to graduates. Thanks. -- ANITA IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ANITA: I'm pleased to do it. Many people have discovered that mini-books and pamphlets make terrific add-ons to other gifts. As a matter of fact, yesterday I received a request from a woman who wanted to send the booklets to several of her grandnieces and grandnephews who are graduating from college. She said she was living on a limited income, and the booklets were great value for the dollar and so inspiring that she would be proud to send them. So for both you and the thoughtful aunty, the information is as follows:

To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our 18-year-old daughter is a freshman in college. One morning we received a call from her roommate's mother, who is a friend of ours, letting us know that her daughter visited a tattoo parlor near the college and had gotten a tattoo on her back.

Worried and shocked, we called our daughter and discovered that she had gone too, and also had one! We discussed it with her and explained that in our country, people with tattoos are usually individuals who have been or still are in prison, and that tattoos are not reflective of our cultural background.

We love our daughter and respect most of her decisions. She has been a role model for her younger sister and brother.

Our daughter agreed to go to a dermatologist and have the tattoo removed, but we are concerned that being away at school and having so much freedom, she may make other decisions that are against our principles. Your opinion, please. -- WORRIED PARENTS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WORRIED PARENTS: Although I would never consider having a tattoo, many popular American music stars, actors and sports figures now do. However, in your daughter's case, getting a tattoo was done on an impulse, which is probably why she so quickly agreed to have it removed at your request. As a young adult, she will -- and should -- make decisions on her own. Although you, as her parents, may not agree with all of them, they are hers to make.

As for the tattoo fad, I predict that as middle age and the force of gravity converge, laser surgeons will do a booming business.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Royally Speaking," who stated that Henry VII and Henry VIII were not related to Kings Henry I through VI. This is not so!

All monarchs of England can trace their ancestry directly back to Egbert, who is considered the first king of all England and reigned from 802 to 839. Of course, not all monarchs have the same lineage.

Another interesting fact about the numbering of these monarchs before 1066 is that they were given names to tell them apart. Thus, there was Alfred the Great, Edward the Elder, Edgar the Peaceful, Ethelred the Unready and Edward the Confessor, to name a few.

William the Conqueror, in 1066, started the numbering process by being William I. He didn't like the title "The Conqueror" because he maintained he did not "conquer," but only took what was rightfully his. Since he was illegitimate, he was also known as William the Bastard. I'm sure he did not like that title either. -- ROBERT G.D. WILLIAMS, NEW ORLEANS

DEAR ROBERT THE HISTORIAN (OR ROBERT THE WISE): Several readers (including one who claimed to be a direct descendant of Oliver Cromwell, the Lord Protector of England) wrote to tell me that "Royally Speaking" had his facts wrong. Thank you for straightening out the lineage of England's eight kings named Henry.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "APPRECIATIVE IN ALBANY": The best way to repay the kindness of others is to follow John Wesley's Rule:

Do all the good you can,

By all the means you can,

In all the ways you can,

At all the times you can,

To all the people you can,

As long as ever you can.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)