DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter this morning about "Al," the lineman who works for the utility company, I had to write.

My husband worked for Southern California Edison for 31 years. I worked for a school district. We both saw the way many people use their sick leave. My husband noticed that the younger workers felt the days were theirs to use whether they were sick or well, and they always used all the sick days each year for whatever they wanted.

Companies do not give sick-leave days for that purpose. You are supposed to be sick. Poor Al appears to be honest and needs to understand that he's paying the price for the dishonesty of other employees. It's a shame it has to be that way for those who have integrity. -- LAURA JEAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LAURA JEAN: I agree. Conscientious employees should not have to pay the price for a few malingerers in the workplace. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: A visit to the doctor is not always feasible, and finding a new job may be difficult for Al the lineman. But there is something he and his co-workers can do to change the way the company treats its employees. They can join a union!

With a good union contract and a strong grievance procedure, the workers will be protected against bad health and safety practices, have job security and be treated with respect. -- MIRIAM PANGER LUDWIG, RETIRED UNION MEMBER

DEAR MIRIAM: You could be right. However, Al's wife said her husband works for one of the largest electrical utility companies in the country. It's safe to assume they are already unionized. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You are probably going to get a lot of flak about your answer to "Lineman's Worried Wife" about his sick leave. There are laws protecting employees' sick-leave rights. You should have asked a professional for advice on the question.

The lineman and his wife should first check the employee handbook (if his company has one). It will state what is expected of an employee regarding doctors' excuses, and their rights under the law. The lineman's sick leave may also be covered under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) of 1993. In addition, most states have their own family- and medical-leave acts.

Abby, answers like "There is nothing to be done except consider finding a job with a different company" set the fair work standards back about 20 years. I hope the lineman hasn't given up his job based on your advice. -- LESLIE DUNAWAY, EMPLOYEE RELATIONS REP

DEAR LESLIE: I've indeed received a bale of mail regarding that letter and my reply. Thank you for sharing your expertise. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Many companies now require employees to bring notes from their doctor when taking sick days. If employees would not abuse sick days, the companies would not be so strict. -- LISA IN NEVADA

DEAR LISA: That's an astute observation. One reader related an experience he'd had with an employee who was repeatedly out sick, but always showed up with a printed and properly filled-out physician's certificate. One of the supervisors began wondering about the repeated absences and called the county medical association to locate the doctor whose name was printed on the certificate. Lo and behold -- there was no such doctor! The innovative young man had gone to a print shop and had forms created for his own use. Guess what happened next?

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DEAR ABBY: My husband is scaring me to death. He frequently puts our two children in dangerous situations, and sometimes they get hurt. Last summer he let them "play" with an ax, and my daughter ended up with a gash in her leg that required a trip to the emergency room for stitches. My son has fallen off a roof and received a concussion because my husband allowed him to play there.

Last week, I caught my husband pulling our trampoline over to a one-story shed so our children could jump off it onto the trampoline. Abby, trampolines are dangerous enough without the added "boost."

When I voiced my opinion, he said I should not question his parenting. He always says that, and continues to place them in danger. I have no family close by to help me stand up to him, and he refuses to go for counseling. He says a walk in the park does him more good. What should I do? -- TOO MANY E.R. VISITS, ASHLAND, ORE.

DEAR TOO MANY: A parent is supposed to have common sense and mature judgment; however, your husband must have been absent when those traits were handed out. Since you have no family nearby to help you stand up to him, and he refuses counseling, I urge you to go without him. Your therapist will be your ally and help you to find the strength to do what you must.

There are laws against child endangerment. Before your husband again places the children in jeopardy, pick up the phone and call Child Protective Services. You'll find them in the phone book.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Sylvia," recently attended a housewarming hosted by one of the teachers at the middle school where she is employed. (I'll call the woman Grace.) Grace married a year ago, and she and her new husband have built a lovely new home with three bathrooms.

Grace took everyone on a tour of the house. Sylvia told me that there were camellias floating in the toilet of the master bath. Grace explained that it was a "subtle" way to discourage guests from using their bathroom instead of the guest bathrooms. Sylvia thought it was a clever idea.

Abby, I think it was rude and ridiculous. When you open your home to guests, you open all of it. How can you show someone your master bedroom and bath, and then not allow them to use it if the others are occupied?

What is your opinion on this matter? -- GRACIOUS HOSTESS IN MAINE

DEAR GRACIOUS HOSTESSS: I vote with you; the idea was all wet.

DEAR ABBY: I believe I have a positive solution to the dilemma facing "Uncertain in Florida," who thinks her mother-in-law is too old, frail and hard-of-hearing to care for the new baby.

Abby, she should hire a baby sitter and have her mother-in-law there, too. This would benefit both the grandchildren and Grandma by keeping them involved with each other. The baby sitter could supply the "muscle" and Grandma the love. -- IT WORKED FOR ME IN L.A.

DEAR WORKED FOR ME: Why didn't I think of that? Thank you for an excellent suggestion.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm being married soon. My parents are paying for the entire wedding. My fiance, "Jim," and I wanted something small, but my parents decided to go all out. Although I'm grateful, I realize this has become my parents' party as much as it is our wedding.

Jim's folks and mine shared the cost of the engagement party, but it was MY mother who insisted on a copy of the gift list because she wanted to know who gave what.

She's already asking me how much Jim makes, how much we're paying for our honeymoon, and telling us how to spend our money and on what. Mother now says she "needs" the wedding gift list so she'll know for future reference what to give the gift-givers in return. Jim and I feel she's butting into our finances already and don't want to give her the list. We both think it's inappropriate. If you agree, how can we tell her delicately? My mother will take offense and say that since she paid for the wedding she has a right to know. -- SCARED OF MOM'S WRATH IN N.J.

DEAR SCARED: Since you already know that your mother will take offense, brace yourself for a confrontation. Tell her in no uncertain terms that the fact that she and your father have paid for the wedding does not entitle her to a copy of your gift list, nor access to your personal financial information.

She appears to be very controlling, and unless you want her running your life, you must draw the line now. If you can't stand your ground alone, you and your fiance should do it together -- and the sooner, the better. Good luck. You'll need it.

DEAR ABBY: There appears to be a tragic rebirth of bigotry today, here and elsewhere. And as usual, it is based on ignorance. In an old classic movie, "South Pacific" (1958), it was expressed in the lyrics of a song by Rodgers and Hammerstein:

"You've got to be taught to hate and fear.

"You've got to be taught from year to year,

"It's got to be drummed in your dear little ear,

"You've got to be carefully taught!

"You've got to be taught to be afraid

"Of people whose eyes are oddly made,

"And people whose skin is a different shade.

"You've got to be carefully taught!

"You've got to be taught before it's too late.

"Before you are 6, or 7, or 8 --

"To hate all the people your relatives hate;

"You've got to be carefully taught!

"You've got to be carefully taught."

Abby, perhaps it's time to reprint them. -- STUART BURDICK, COOS BAY, ORE.

DEAR STUART: Long before it was made into a movie, the play "South Pacific" was a smash hit on Broadway. One of its themes, an interracial romance between an American soldier and a young Polynesian girl, was considered controversial when the play opened on April 7, 1949. The wise and insightful lyrics written by Oscar Hammerstein II ring as true today as the pre-civil rights era in which they were written. Indeed, hatred and prejudice have to be carefully taught.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)