DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Eileen in Port Angeles" about CPR and the people who judge the caregivers hit home. As a volunteer firefighter and emergency medical technician for 18 years, I have answered many calls where a person has died from cardiac arrest. It's hard when a stranger dies in your hands, and even harder when it's someone you know.

The evolution of CPR and defibrillation has made it possible to "save" a percentage of these people, but it's a very small percentage. Most cardiac arrests result in the patient remaining dead. Therefore it's important that anyone rendering care remember that once the heart stops, the person is clinically dead. Nothing they do is going to make that worse. If all of the resuscitation efforts fail, the care provider has not "killed" the person, nor contributed to his death, and it is NEVER the provider's fault that the person died.

If more people got involved and learned CPR and other basic first-aid skills, they would have a better understanding of life and death, and they wouldn't be so quick to criticize and look for blame that isn't there. -- BOB GAJEWSKI, WALES CENTER, N.Y.

DEAR BOB: I have a stack of mail from readers echoing your sentiments. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a 30-year veteran emergency medical services technician and current CPR instructor, I can empathize with the overwhelming feeling of guilt experienced by "Mary Helen," who performed CPR on her brother. In our society, we are conditioned to believe that anything less than "winning" is failure. But to encourage that guilt by saying someone failed or "lost" a cardiac-arrest victim is reprehensible.

Potential rescuers must have the motivation to learn CPR. Second, they must be willing to get involved and take control in an emergency. Third, they must be able to exert the physical strength and emotional stamina. These challenges must be met before the actual CPR process begins. Most individuals are not prepared to go this far. Thankfully, "Mary Helen" was. Heroes never plan to be heroic; they just unselfishly give of themselves.

"Mary Helen," please recognize that you exhibited the courage, executed the skills and performed heroically. Remember, the ultimate decision was never yours to make. That load is not yours to bear.

We are excited by the entry of new technology and improved CPR skills that will allow us to substantially increase resuscitation rates. I am referring to the introduction of the Automated External Defibrillator (AED) and newly enhanced courses offered by national training entities for the general public. In the near future this device will be readily available in stadiums, airports, shopping centers, businesses, churches and homes. The challenge is to train as many people as possible in the operation of this user-friendly medical marvel.

I encourage your readers to contact their nearest CPR training facility and inquire about the AED and the latest courses available in its application. -- BILL CARTER, CHATTANOOGA, TENN.

DEAR BILL: That's exciting news. About five years ago, I had my staff certified in a "heart-saver" course offered by the American Heart Association. Thank heavens we have never encountered an emergency, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Thank you for the reminder to call the association and ask, "What's new?"

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DEAR ABBY: I am an airline employee and have the privilege of giving my children (over age 25) discount airline passes. I am divorced, and their dad lives in Oregon. He is very wealthy.

My children have asked for passes to visit him this summer. Abby, the cost will come out of my paycheck, amounting to $300. Also, these passes are standby, which means they may or may not get on the airplane. It seems to me that if he wants to see his children and grandchildren, he should pay for the airline tickets so that they will have assured seats on whatever flight they take.

How can I communicate this to my children without any hurt feelings or animosities? I have a good relationship with them, and I'd like to keep it that way. -- IN A BIND IN TEXAS

DEAR IN A BIND: Explain your position to your children as you explained it to me. Tell them of the very real possibility that some of their party will be "bumped" if they try to fly using your passes, and that the cost of them will put you in a financial bind. Therefore, their father should be a good grandpa and spring for the tickets, since he can well afford to.

DEAR ABBY: I recently read in your column about children running wild in a restaurant. This situation is familiar to me because I am a server at a five-star resort.

Abby, I'm not against children -- I have two of my own -- but I strongly object to children running freely in a busy establishment.

Children are in real danger when they run loose in a restaurant. The trays we carry can weigh upward of 20 pounds when loaded with hot entrees, and the coffee in the pots would most definitely scald a child. Also, a server could be seriously injured were he or she to stumble over a child.

Of course, the parents would never admit the child caused the accident; servers are always made out to be the bad guys. I blame the parents for not protecting their children by insisting they sit at the table out of harm's way.

In the interest of child safety (and server safety), please print my letter. -- MIKE ALLEN, ALDERSON, W.VA.

DEAR MIKE: I'm pleased to print your letter. In the interest of everyone's safety -- including the establishment's -- I'm surprised more of them don't post a disclaimer that the restaurant refuses to accept responsibility for injuries to unaccompanied children. It might serve as a reminder to parents who bring small children and then become so engrossed in conversation that they tune their little ones out.

Wise parents make sure they are prepared in advance when taking their child to an "adult" environment. They bring along children's books, paper and crayons to keep the little ones amused, because children have short attention spans and it's unfair to expect them to sit in silence through a long meal.

Parenthood is hard work. It takes patience, diligence and sacrifice to do the job properly. Parents who allow their children to run loose in restaurants are shirking their responsibility.

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DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Confused in Richmond." I disagree with your reply. There should be no question as to which is more important, your family or your pets.

My wife and I retired from the Northwest to Nevada several years ago. We have children and grandkids still in the Northwest. We visit them at least once a year, and yes, we have a dog. We think the world of our dog, and she's our constant companion, but there is no way we would even consider taking her with us when we go to visit the kids. There is also no way we would ever allow anyone to share with us the cost of a motel just because we feel we should have our pet with us.

When we visit the kids, we hire a house sitter to watch the house as well as our dog. Perhaps the reason the dog in question is having "accidents" is because it is stressed from being away from familiar surroundings. It's possible that "Confused in Richmond's" parents don't realize they are doing more harm than good to their pets.

"Confused" should talk to her parents and tell them she loves to have them visit, but the pets are just too much of a problem. If her parents are like a lot of us grandparents, she'll find out that those visits with the kids and grandkids are far more important than our pets. If her parents continue to insist that the pets are more important, I feel sorry for them, and they are the losers. -- HAPPY IN NEVADA

DEAR HAPPY: If "Confused's" parents were as considerate and reasonable as you, she wouldn't have needed to write to me. I suggested a motel that caters to pets as a possible solution because I was unsure whether her parents would consent to be apart from their pets. However, your comment that the animals might be having "accidents" because they were in unfamiliar surroundings is worth considering -- and your suggestion of a pet sitter is a good one. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Confused in Richmond" wrote that her parents insist on bringing their cat and dog when they come to visit because they don't want to put their "babies" in a kennel.

I am a 78-year-old senior citizen and I supplement my income by pet sitting. I stay in the pet owners' home while they are gone. The demand is so great I often have to refer jobs to other senior citizens who also do this kind of work. It's a great job. The pets are happy to be in their own home. The owners are happy, the people they visit are happy and I am happy.

Those parents should check with their church, senior center and/or other pet owners to find a reliable sitter. -- LOVES DOGS AND CATS

DEAR LOVES DOGS AND CATS: If you are happy, the owners are happy and the pets are happy -- then I am happy for ALL of you, and I won't pick a bone with you.

However, some people are uneasy at the thought of a "stranger" staying in their house. For pet owners who suffer from separation anxiety, a motel that caters to pets is the ideal situation.

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