DEAR ABBY: This is for "Pestered Wife in Phoenix," whose 68-year-old husband had a penile implant and now wants sex four or five times a week, when once a week is all she can handle.

I was a "pestered" wife for many years, until it occurred to me to turn my head around and temporarily become an insatiable sex kitten. I became the one to make the first move as soon as the lights went out. If I awoke in the middle of the night, I made a move that produced the desired effect while he slept -- and made insistent demands against his sleepy protests.

Please assure "Pestered" that it will take only about two weeks before her aging stud starts feigning sleep before the lights go out. It worked for me. -- ANOTHER WIFE IN PHOENIX

DEAR WIFE: I hope "Pestered" sees your remedy and finds it helpful. (It may require her to start napping in the afternoon, but she has nothing to lose.) It would be terrific if the couple could work out a compromise other than sending him to visit the widow next door, which I'm convinced would be the beginning of the end of her marriage. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for "Pestered," who was willing to let her friend have sex with her husband because he wanted more than she wanted to give, and her friend was a widow in need. She said she wasn't afraid of losing her husband because her friend wasn't very good-looking and was a terrible cook.

You advised her that if she allowed her husband and friend to start "cooking in the bedroom," she might be surprised to find he'd be less preoccupied with what was coming out of the kitchen. You also reminded her that Benjamin Franklin said, "All cats are gray in the dark."

Your advice was right on the money. For a woman who has lived 65 years, "Pestered" is very naive. I'm finally divorcing my spouse after 25 years of marriage because of his countless affairs. Beauty was not a priority to him. His only criteria for cheating was a ready and willing partner. Their talent in the kitchen had nothing to do with it, and he was getting plenty of sex at home.

Sign me, soon to be ... FREE AT LAST

DEAR FREE AT LAST: It takes courage to end a marriage after 25 years, even if the spouse is a compulsive cheater or a sex addict, as your husband obviously was. Permit me to offer you my good wishes; I predict your self-esteem will skyrocket.

DEAR ABBY: I recently met the woman of my dreams. She replied to a personal ad that I placed on AOL. She's everything I ever wanted in a woman and more. We've been discussing marriage in the year 2000, and I am probably going to have my dad as my best man. He's been there for me when I needed him, and he's never really acted like a "dad."

Is it a good idea that I have my father as my best man at my wedding? -- CHAD IN LAKE ST. LOUIS, MO.

DEAR CHAD: I wouldn't call it a "good" idea -- I'd call it a GREAT idea. I'm sure he'll be thrilled when you ask him because it's high praise indeed.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 12 years and am very unhappy. My husband refuses counseling because he feels nothing is wrong. I do all the parenting, cooking, most of the cleaning, etc. He does work, but refuses to leave a "cushy" job for one that's better paying.

I have sacrificed my safety to work at a school that is known for violence, but he doesn't seem to care other than to say that he will buy me a bulletproof vest. Being back in the dating world would be more fun than this so-called marriage. We are both 34, and a friend says I am going through the "itch."

I am very confused. Help! -- K.D.P. IN S.C.

DEAR K.D.P.: Don't scratch your "itch" -- it will only cause further irritation on what is already a sore spot. The dating world has its share of problems, too. If your husband refuses to seek counseling, go without him. It may give you some insight into your feelings and why you have tolerated this kind of marriage for 12 years.

DEAR ABBY: After seeing the letters about the importance of carrying identification, I felt compelled to relate a story about a friend's daughter who had identification at the time of an accident.

She was walking home one night and was hit by a drunk driver. She was rushed to the hospital where, at the time, my husband was working in the emergency room. Her body and face were so badly mangled that he didn't recognize her. She was rushed to surgery where the doctors tried unsuccessfully to save her life.

After finding the identification, a hospital representative phoned the family with the news of the accident. Upon arriving at the hospital, the family was told that she had not survived. When they were taken to identify the body, imagine their shock when the girl they were shown was not theirs! Our friend's daughter had been carrying her girlfriend's identification at the time of the accident! -- P.K., WATERFORD, MICH.

DEAR P.K.: What a nightmare! I'm sharing your warning for the benefit of anyone who might be tempted to carry fake ID or someone else's.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15, and I'll make this brief. I would like to know the top 10 mistakes to avoid on the first date. -- TIFFANY IN VANCOUVER, B.C.

DEAR TIFFANY: How's this:

1. Be late when he comes to pick you up.

2. Fail to introduce him to your parents.

3. Talk and laugh loudly and draw attention to yourself.

4. Look at other boys when he's talking to you.

5. Discuss your past boyfriends.

6. Order the most expensive dish on the menu.

7. Gossip about the latest nasty rumor you heard.

8. Turn the restaurant table into a beauty parlor -- combing your hair and applying makeup.

9. "Put out" because you think it's expected.

10. Ride with someone who's been drinking.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Twenty years ago, when I was a teen-ager, I was inspired by a letter in your column. A woman had written about a recent tragedy in her life, having lost a parent due to a terrible accident. The writer appealed to your readers to make amends with family and friends as soon as possible, for her tragedy was compounded by having quarreled with her dad and not having "made up" before he died. You recommended that people live their lives to the fullest every day, and not to take family and friends for granted.

Well, even at 17, I recognized good advice when I saw it. I live each day to the fullest to the best of my ability and I have not taken my family for granted.

My dad recently passed away -- suddenly, without warning, from a heart attack. He was 62. The thought that has comforted me in the loss of my father was knowing that he and I had no "shoulda, coulda, woulda's." I long ago confronted him about things in our relationship that we needed to work out, and because of that our father/daughter relationship turned into a friendship. The same is true of my relationship with my mother and brother. During the last few years, my parents and I had even taken mini-vacations together.

So, while I miss my dad terribly and wish he were still with us, I know we had the best relationship possible. I have no regrets and I know he didn't either. Thank you for the advice, Abby. I am grateful. -- ALISON GAULDEN, RENO, NEV.

DEAR ALISON: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved father. I'm touched that something you read in my column inspired you to make the most of every precious moment you had with him. Years ago, a reader sent me this wonderful poem that says it very well:

If you are ever going to love me,

Love me now, while I can know

The sweet and tender feelings

Which from true affection flow.

Love me now

While I am living.

Do not wait until I'm gone

And then have it chiseled in marble,

Sweet words on ice-cold stone.

If you have tender thoughts of me,

Please tell me now.

If you wait until I'm sleeping,

Never to awaken,

There will be death between us,

And I won't hear you then.

So if you love me, even a little bit,

Let me know it while I'm living

So I can treasure it.

DEAR ABBY: I am invited to a "black-tie" evening wedding this month, so please answer this ASAP. What exactly is black-tie wear for men and women? Is there a difference between "formal" and "black tie"? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN SANDPOINT, IDAHO

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: There is no difference between "formal" and "black tie." It means the men should wear tuxedos, and the women should wear long dresses or dressy cocktail attire.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)