DEAR ABBY: I am absolutely outraged. I am a young woman of 23 who was brought up by parents who knew my whereabouts every minute of the day until I was married. Now, as the manager of a suburban fast-food restaurant, I am the supervisor and confidante to a number of fine teen-agers.

These kids come from well-to-do homes, but their parents are totally irresponsible. My current pique stems from a robbery 10 days ago. I and two workers, both 17-year-old girls, were closing up late Friday night when we were confronted by several armed men. The rules are strict: Don't resist. We didn't. The three of us were taken into the back room, bound hand and foot with duct tape, gagged and left hog-tied on the floor. When the men left, we struggled but it was evident that we wouldn't be able to break loose or go for help.

My husband was working night shift and would not miss me -- but surely, I thought, the girls' parents would come looking for them. As we huddled together, unable to do much more than mumble through the tape on our mouths, I listened for the sound of cars and the girls' worried parents. I figured it would be an hour at worst. Abby, THEY NEVER CAME! The phone never even rang. Workers arriving at 6 a.m. found us still bound and huddling. We had spent the entire night tied up on the floor, and the girls were apparently not missed.

At this point, I actually feel more anger toward the parents of these girls than for the men who robbed us. We were not hurt, and I can understand why it was necessary to tie us up. But what kind of parents are unaware when their teen-aged daughters are gone all night? I am ... BOUND AND BOILING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BOUND AND BOILING: You have written a letter that is sure to generate comments, and I don't blame you for being outraged. As long as children live under their parents' roof, they are the responsibility of the parent. Because children come from well-to-do homes does not automatically guarantee that they have caring, involved, concerned parents. In this case, I would say that the parents weren't doing an adequate job -- and that everyone concerned is fortunate this episode didn't end in a tragedy.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for your recent acknowledgment of jurors. I, too, have been called for jury duty, and I griped and grumbled during the process. I will never gripe again.

Last year my father was murdered. The perpetrator was tried in April. The jury did an incredible job of deliberating for 14 hours after a three-day trial. They are to be commended for doing one of the hardest things a human being has to do -- to sit in judgment of another person.

I would like to thank the men and women who are willing to go through such an ordeal. -- ELIZABETH IN WINTER PARK, FLA.

DEAR ELIZABETH: I would like to thank them, too. As your traumatic experience illustrates, it's vital that our juries be composed of dedicated and conscientious citizens who are willing to make the sacrifice and do their duty.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a 21-year-old daughter who has three semesters left in college and a well-paying, part-time co-op job. She still lives at home with us. All that we ask of her is that she come home at night, take turns with her sisters doing the dishes and one chore a week.

My husband works 45-plus hours a week at his job and 15-plus hours a week on our small business. I am disabled and unable to do much around the house. My daughter doesn't always come home at night, and while she has time to sleep until 2 p.m. on weekends and time for her boyfriend, she does not make time to do her chores.

I do not want to kick her out and possibly jeopardize her college education, but she's too old to ground. I'm thinking of having her pay $100 a month for rent (this would be no hardship for her), as it seems she uses our home like a hotel and disregards our wishes. Your thoughts, please. -- OUT OF OPTIONS

DEAR OUT OF OPTIONS: I see nothing wrong with the idea. Since your daughter feels she's old enough to disregard the rules of the house, and giving you $100 a month would not be a financial hardship, that's what she should do.

DEAR ABBY: Friends of ours -- not too close, not too distant -- have a son who is being married for the second time. The wedding will be held 3,000 miles from where we live.

I have just found out that we will be receiving an invitation anyway, because we lived there 30 years ago. They know that we would not fly out for the wedding.

When this man was married the first time, we gave them a nice wedding gift. We also sent one when he graduated from high school and from college.

Must I send them a gift when the invitation arrives? I think these folks are just out for the gifts. My husband said he plans to throw the invitation in the trash as soon as he sees it. Please advise. -- AT A LOSS IN RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR AT A LOSS: Guests who are unable to attend a wedding need not send a gift. When the invitation arrives, send your regrets and a warm note congratulating the couple and wishing them every happiness. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I feel that I must respond to the 31-year-old woman whose "live-in" wants to be married secretly. I know the results of what has ensued in a similar situation.

The man had been married before and had a daughter. Although he had been separated from his wife for many years, they had never been divorced. The latter "wife" only discovered this when the man became seriously ill and his daughter was contacted.

You once printed something that I have never forgotten: "O what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive." -- A GRATEFUL READER WHOM YOU ONCE HELPED

DEAR GRATEFUL READER: I agree that the proposal of a secret marriage should not only raise a few eyebrows, but some suspicions as well. And I cannot take credit for that quote. It came from Sir Walter Scott (1771-1832) -- and it's certainly appropriate.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old divorcee who is soon to be remarried, and already I am having trouble with the "in-laws." I have never encountered people so rude in all my life. They refuse to have anything to do with me.

My fiance's parents were cordial and friendly to me until I began dating their son. Then came the dirty looks and rude behavior. Abby, I have never done anything to offend these people. Even my fiance agrees that I have done nothing wrong.

His mother said point-blank to me, "You wait until someone steals YOUR son and see how it feels!" I realize that there might be some sadness that her "baby" has decided to leave the nest, but for heaven's sake, the baby is 26 years old and has a mind of his own. This is nature taking its natural course.

It has been a year and a half, and they still will have nothing to do with me. However, they expect their son to come home and visit, and he does. I am angry that he goes there knowing full well how they feel about me. What should I do? -- HURT IN ADAMS CENTER, N.Y.

DEAR HURT: Your fiance's mother is still attached to her son by an emotional umbilical cord, and the only person who can successfully cut it is your fiance. The situation won't improve until your fiance makes it clear that he expects his future wife to be treated with courtesy and respect, or they won't be seeing much of either of you.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to point out something you seem to have missed in your response to "Itching on the East Coast." She was upset with her sister-in-law, who is a hypochondriac and always knows how everyone feels. Unfortunately, I truly DO know how "Itching" feels; my father died last Christmas after an eight-month battle with pancreatic cancer. I, too, spent many sleepless nights caring for or worrying about him. Other people, including my husband and children, got on my nerves -- especially those who were trying to make me feel better.

Luckily, I had to see my family doctor to get an expired prescription refilled. The short story is, I broke down in her office. I told her that my father was dying, that I wasn't sleeping well, and that people were getting on my nerves so much that I wanted to scream at them. She diagnosed me with reactive depression and prescribed medication to help me through that difficult time.

If "Itching" has put up with her sister-in-law for 13 years, I'm willing to bet that the sister-in-law's personality is not the real problem here. Please urge her to see a doctor and describe what is going on in her life. It's extremely difficult to watch a loved one die under any circumstances. When you are one of the primary caretakers in such a situation, the emotional strain can be overwhelming.

Depression can be terribly debilitating, but with the medications available today, it can also be controlled. Sign me ... REALLY HAVE BEEN THERE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR REALLY: Thank you for sharing your insight. When the writer complained about her sister-in-law's actions over a period of many years, it did not occur to me that the real problem might be that the stress of her present situation was coloring her reactions. I agree with you that a visit to her physician could be in order. Thank you for pointing it out.

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