DEAR ABBY: After I read the letter from the young woman who had been date-raped at 21, I felt compelled to write. She was wondering if she should tell her boyfriend about it.

When I was 16 and a virgin, I was date-raped. For many years, I didn't know why it had happened. It took a long time to slowly heal from the incident.

Finally, I met a wonderful man with whom I started to cultivate a relationship -- first on the telephone, even though we both lived in the same small town. On our first date, I told him about what had happened to me 10 years earlier. I cried and he held me, letting me know that he was sorry that it had happened.

That wonderful man and I have been happily married for more than a year. He's my best friend, and I don't regret telling him. In fact, he helped me to let go of so many bad memories and to focus on our future. A truly understanding man will be your comfort if you are truthful. -- NO PRISONER TO THE PAST

DEAR N.P.: Your supportive letter is well worth space in this column. I'm pleased your story has such a happy ending.

One of the main reasons why the vast majority of rapes are never reported is the feeling of shame on the part of the victim. Rape is never the victim's fault.

Crisis counseling is enormously helpful for victims of sexual assault, and it's as easy to find as picking up the telephone and asking information for the number of the local rape hotline. It can help to heal psychological wounds even years after the assault, and that's why I recommend it so strongly.

DEAR ABBY: Your readers have been wonderful in years past to rescue dogs from animal shelters during October, National Adopt-a-Dog Month, and we at North Shore Animal League would like to encourage them once again to visit their shelters and take home one or more of the thousands of homeless dogs and puppies. These animals have years of unconditional love to give to kind and caring animal lovers.

Abby, people can adopt from shelters any time, but October is dedicated to making it a better world for man's (and woman's) best friend -- a canine pet. This visit to a shelter during Adopt-a-Dog Month will not only save a life, but will also bring a lifetime of love and happiness to both the needy animal orphan and the kind individual who takes a pet home.

Thank you, Abby, for your compassion and love of animals. -- MARGE STEIN, NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE

DEAR MARGE: Thank you for the timely reminder. For individuals and families interested in acquiring some canine companionship, I can't think of a more opportune time than National Adopt-a-Dog Month. Arf arf!

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 37 years. My wife likes to go out every day, seven days a week. I like to go out two to three days a week, and would to compromise and try the "middle" -- about four times a week.

My wife is very energetic and will not meet me in the middle. What do you recommend? -- BOB IN PLANTSVILLE, CONN.

DEAR BOB: How about this for a compromise: Tell your wife that she's welcome to go out by herself or with friends a few days a week, and that you will join her for the other three or four days. That way, she gets seven days out and you get three or four.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Natalie" recently called to ask me to be in her wedding. I agreed, of course.

Abby, Natalie is making a huge mistake. They have nothing in common. He drinks a lot and smokes. She doesn't. He puts her down about her weight. She loves children. He doesn't. I could go on and on. She's the nicest person I have ever met, and I think she deserves a lot better.

I think she feels that he's the only man who will marry her. I want her to open her eyes and see this jerk for who he really is, and I don't want her hurt any more, but I'm afraid that if I say anything, it will destroy our friendship.

Abby, Natalie's mother doesn't like her fiance either, but her mother hates Natalie, too. (Her mother has even threatened her life.)

I don't want to be in this wedding because I know the marriage will not last. What can be done to stop Natalie from making the biggest mistake of her life? -- WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND

DEAR WORRIED: If Natalie is making serious wedding plans, it's unlikely that she'll listen to what you have to say. Some people have to learn the hard way, and Natalie may be one of them. Be there for her on her big day -- and be around later in case you have to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. That's what friends are for.

DEAR ABBY: Speaking as a visually impaired employee of the LightHouse for the Blind in San Francisco, I was pleased to read the recent letter from the woman who offered helpful suggestions for how one should "behave normally around blind people." The gist of her letter was to treat blind people like everyone else.

I would like to add a simple guideline: If you meet a blind person and you are nervous, pretend you are speaking to him or her on the telephone. When you talk to someone by phone, you don't know if that person is sighted or blind -- green or purple, for that matter -- unless he or she tells you.

Abby, it is truly refreshing when people like you use mainstream media to dispel rather than perpetuate misleading stereotypes about blindness. Thank you. -- DAMIAN PICKERING, DIRECTOR OF COMMUNICATIONS

DEAR DAMIAN: Thank you for the helpful suggestion. It makes sense to me.

DEAR ABBY: I laughed about the woman who tweezed the hairs on her chin in a restaurant. However, I broke into hysterical laughter about the man who whipped out his dentures and swished them in his water goblet, while his companion watched the waves on the shore.

It reminded me of my late, great dad, who had poorly fitting dentures that hurt him when he ate. He finally became so desperate that he took them out in the middle of a meal, laid them on the table and told us, "YOU eat with them, if you can!"

Thanks, Abby, for publishing human stories. It's good to laugh when one is all alone. I appreciate it so much. -- EVELYNE IN HAZEL GREEN, ALA.

DEAR EVELYNE: Your letter reminds me of that old line, "He probably wanted to keep from biting off more than he could chew."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In reference to the letter from the Los Angeles plastic surgeon regarding facial disfigurement of children who are allowed to stand in a moving car, may I add my 2 cents' worth?

I am a flight attendant for a major airline, and while the captain does not usually "jam on the brakes," we DO hit unexpected turbulence. Planes can drop 500 feet in a matter of seconds. Guess where a small child who's not in a seatbelt goes? To the ceiling!

I write this out of sheer frustration with uneducated -- or perhaps lazy -- parents. The FAA does not mandate that a child UNDER the age of 2 be in his or her own seat. This is shameful and absurd. We, the flight crew, are required to ensure that all carry-on luggage is safely stowed, yet our most precious cargo, these little human beings, can be on an adult's lap. I applaud parents who pay the extra money and purchase a seat for the child, and extra kudos when they bring along a car seat. If there is an extra seat available, I ALWAYS move other passengers so "lap baby" can have his or her own seat, explaining to parents that it is safer. Guess what? They give me a blank stare and say: "Oh, she won't sit still in her own seat. She'll cry. I'll just hold her."

Let me offer this graphic thought: Parents, if the plane DOES crash and your baby is on your lap, the baby becomes a human air bag for you. Your baby will die instantly. I had a passenger tearfully tell me that this happened to her. She is now crippled, and her only child (who would be 9 now) was killed.

I urge all parents and grandparents to write to Congress and insist that every passenger -- even babies -- be in a seat. The FAA's argument that families will not pay for the extra seat because the cost is prohibitive is unfounded. Most airlines offer a lower rate for children. The FAA says that people will turn to driving, which will cause more road accidents. This is conjecture.

I know this letter is long, but please pass along this important message. Believe me, it will be clipped by thousands of airline crews and shown to passengers. -- A CONCERNED FLIGHT ATTENDANT

DEAR CONCERNED: You have issued a chilling warning to the parents of small children, and I sincerely hope it's one that will be heeded. A plane hitting an air pocket and suddenly losing altitude is not something we hear about every day. However, I recall that it happened to Air Force One a year or so ago, and to a commercial flight just this month -- so it's something that should be taken very seriously. ALL passengers should stay buckled up while they are in their seats.

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a nice gentleman for more than a year now. I'm a single parent and own my own home.

My problem is that he still lives with his ex-wife and children. He says that because of the child-support payments he has been unable to get a place of his own. I love him very much and suggested he move in with me -- but he never responded. This has stressed our relationship.

Abby, should I continue to wait for him, or should I cut the ties? He's told me for more than a year that he's been looking for a place of his own, but his pride won't let him move "just anywhere." He says, "Be patient -- good things come to those who wait." -- J.Y.V., TAMPA, FLA.

DEAR J.Y.V.: Perhaps, but not always. I vote to cut the ties. I strongly suspect that the "nice gentleman" you are involved with is still married.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)