DEAR ABBY: I felt compelled to write and offer my advice to "Sweet 16 in Seattle," who is often mistaken to be her baby brother's teen-age mother.

When I was 16, my mother had my little brother and shortly after, was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy. I happily carried my brother because my mother physically could not. I heard the "tut-tuts" from people in public, was stared at endlessly in restaurants and had people refuse to serve me in stores.

My advice to "Sweet 16" is to hold your head high. You have done nothing wrong -- you do not owe anyone an explanation.

Second, and more important, take a lesson from it: Do not judge people or situations from what they "seem" to be on the outside. There are always two sides to a story.

And last, don't let it bother you so much. Enjoy your brother as much as I did mine. Seven years later we still have a special bond that I would not trade for anything -- not even the approval of an often-too-quick-to-judge public. -- PROUD SISTER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR PROUD SISTER: That's sage advice. I hope "Sweet 16" reads and heeds it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was about 13 during the mid-'50s in San Diego -- pushing my infant twin nieces around a department store while my 27-year-old sister was upstairs paying a bill. A woman stopped me and began asking me about the twins. How old? Boys or girls? About the time she got around to "Are they yours?" my sister emerged from the elevator behind me and said, "Yes. And I'm their grandmother!"

I still remember the expression on the woman's face. She never said another word as we went about our business.

I thought "Sweet 16" might get a laugh out of the story, just as I still do. -- BEEN THERE IN APPLE VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR BEEN THERE: I'm sure she will relate to it -- as will many others. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am now 21, but I used to baby-sit often. If I took the kids to carnivals, libraries, etc., I would be subjected to those same stares and whispers. I talked to some of the parents, and they surprised me with an adorable T-shirt that said, "Best Baby Sitter." It had the kids' handprints and names on it. Maybe "Sweet 16" could wear one that says, "No. 1 Sister," or have one made for the baby that says, "He's not heavy, he's my brother."

Anything cute would help relieve the situation, although nothing will eliminate all the stares or change the minds of some people. -- BEEN THERE, TRY THIS, GOLDEN VALLEY, MINN.

DEAR TRY THIS: Good suggestions, and I agree with your conclusion. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Sweet 16's" dilemma is not a new one. As a 14-year-old back in 1944, I often cared for a neighbor's infant. One brisk winter day I bundled both of us up and took her out in her buggy. A woman I had never seen before stopped us and lectured me about having a baby when I was so young. When she finally stopped for breath, I managed to tell her I was the baby sitter, not the mother. She "humphed" several times and left without apologizing.

The only way to handle things like this is with a sense of humor. Maybe the 16-year-old and her 13-year-old sister could get T-shirts that say, "I am my brother's keeper." -- JOAN IN FRESNO, CALIF.

DEAR JOAN: That's a terrific idea. And just what the Good Book preaches. After all, in a sense, we are all our brother's keepers.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In your column of July 5, you responded to a writer struggling with accommodating her widowed, elderly father who suffers from the eye condition called age-related macular degeneration (AMD), and therefore has trouble reading small print. On behalf of the AMD Alliance International, thank you for printing that letter. Just seven years ago I was diagnosed with AMD, and I now chair the AMD Alliance.

AMD is an eye condition that causes loss of central vision and is the leading cause of legal blindness to individuals over the age of 50 in the Western world. Approximately 25 million to 30 million people are affected worldwide by some form of AMD, but awareness and understanding are still very low. In a recent international survey commissioned by us in May 1999, only 2 percent of adults surveyed think AMD is the leading cause of severe sight loss among adults 50 and older.

While there is currently no cure for AMD, there are ways for those diagnosed with it to gain hope and maintain independent lifestyles through treatment and rehabilitation options, low-vision aids and support services.

Early detection is the key to making the greatest possible impact, so please encourage regular eye exams.

Abby, thank you for sharing this message of hope for others like me who must now learn to adjust to a new way of daily living. -- DR. BOB THOMPSON, CHAIRMAN, AMD ALLIANCE INTERNATIONAL

DEAR DR. THOMPSON: After reading your letter, I'm sure many people will be interested in learning more about age-related macular degeneration. I first learned about this eye condition when it affected my trusted secretary of many years, Sylvia Singer.

Readers, the AMD Alliance International is a nonprofit alliance of vision and seniors organizations. For more information about AMD, early detection and global resources, visit the Web site at www.amdalliance.org. You can also use the toll-free hotline: (877) 263-7171.

DEAR ABBY: Get a load of this pre-wedding announcement. It was delivered via my mailbox at work. I thought I had seen it all, but this takes the cake. With a former co-worker like this, I'm happy I didn't win their lottery.

If you print this, please delete all names and addresses. I still work with friends of this couple. -- HAPPY TO LOSE THE LOTTERY

DEAR HAPPY: Your enclosure is a first, and I must admit I have never seen anything quite like it. Read on:

"Dear Friends of 'Elmer' and 'Gladys': Our wedding will be a small but poignant affair held at a log home in the woods in beautiful southern Wisconsin. Due to the physical nature of the wedding area, there will not be enough space for all the friends and relatives we would dearly love to invite.

"After pondering a number of alternatives, we decided that a lottery would be the most equitable manner of dealing with the space/disappointment problem. We have, indeed, already held this lottery with your name included, but alas, it is our sad duty to inform you that your name does not appear on the winners list. Nevertheless, our good wishes go out to you, and when our gift from you arrives at the address below, we will thank you in absentia.

"With regrets and respect, ELMER SMITH AND GLADYS JONES"

READERS: Care to comment?

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Hurt in Connecticut," who was bothered that family members didn't attend her choir concert, was a very good one. Family solidarity should be valued; however, it may be expressed in many ways.

I, too, am a "singing grandmother" who was disappointed when none of my children or grandchildren attended a particular performance of the chorale in which my husband and I both sing. May I share the following thought process that helped us soften the disappointment?

1. Consider the many other ways your sons, daughters and grandchildren demonstrate their love and respect throughout the year.

2. Remember that they all have their own activities, goals and commitments, their own social needs and responsibilities.

3. Remember how you felt at their ages. Would you have had time to attend? Would you have changed or abandoned your previous plans?

4. If you do not wish to accept an invitation to a sports event, glee club performance, etc., it's OK to politely decline.

5. Finally, how would you feel if you were not invited to any of those "boring" events?

I am honored when I'm invited to an awards banquet or graduation. (Attendance is limited, you know.) Singing in the chorale is a personal pleasure, which is enhanced whenever my family and/or friends are able to attend the performance. When they cannot, it is not a rejection. In other words, dear "Hurt," count your blessings. I'm sure you'll feel much better. -- CALIFORNIA GRANDMA

DEAR CALIFORNIA GRANDMA: You're singing my song -- as far as I'm concerned you can repeat another chorus.

DEAR ABBY: My son is 11 years old. He has no contact with the family of his biological father. His grandfather (my father) passed away when my son was 2 weeks old. This was a great loss -- a loving, generous father and grandfather who accepted all his family, blood ties or not. My son has a grandma (my side) who also loves him dearly.

I have recently remarried and am now expecting a baby. I am sure this new baby will be expected to call my husband's parents "Grandma" and "Grandpa," although they insist my 11-year-old son call them "Mr. and Mrs. Last-name." My husband was adopted, and I think, of all people, his parents and family should understand the importance of being accepted into a family unconditionally. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I am not fond of my husband's parents, but am trying to get along.

I wonder how my 11-year-old will feel when this new baby calls them "Grandma" and "Grandpa" while he is not allowed to. I want to do everything possible to make my son feel good about himself. What should I do about this situation? -- MOM

DEAR MOM: Tell your husband's parents that you want both of your children to use the same names for them -- and let his parents decide what those names should be.

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the man who wondered how to date his tombstone if he lives into the year 2000 and your reply to use a little humor, reminded me of a man's headstone we came across while searching for the gravesite of a friend.

The stone listed the man's name, etc., and then, "Thanks for stopping by." I confess I almost laughed out loud in that solemn place. -- WISH I HAD KNOWN HIM IN CINCY

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)