DEAR ABBY: May I give you an "upper" for the day and offer some advice for newlyweds? Make love every day!

We're in our 60s, married nearly 50 years, and we still make love every day. Our children can attest to it.

What is making love? It's a smile across a room, a hug, a kiss, a pat on the behind, a "special look." Oh, yes, it's also having sex -- but it's so much more. As you get older, the sex and passion may diminish, but the rest won't as long as you remember what your love is all about.

True, we've had arguments and serious disagreements through the years. Who hasn't? I even asked -- no, I TOLD him once in a fit of anger that I wanted a divorce. Know what he did? He gave me "that look," didn't say a word. All I needed was "that look" that says it all. "We're in this for better or for worse, for a lifetime, and most of all," it says, "I love you."

So, young people, if you make love every day and welcome God into your marriage, it will last. -- STILL LOVING AND ENJOYING IT, HOT SPRINGS, ARK.

DEAR STILL LOVING: After nearly 50 years of happy marriage, I'd say you were quite an expert. I have been married for more than 60 years, and I adhere to your philosophy. Your letter is a day-brightener, and I thank you for sending it.

DEAR ABBY: I have many friends and relatives in their 40s and older who find themselves alone and still wanting to enjoy dining out. They sit alone in crowded restaurants and feel out of place.

What would it take for the restaurant to have a table for six with "one, please" dining together? It would make it a lot more fun and increase business.

This evening, I saw a dear friend feel uncomfortable entering a restaurant alone. She has lived in this town 12 years and her husband died recently. I also saw this happen 30 years ago when my uncle passed away and my aunt tried to keep up their weekly routine. Dining alone took all the fun out of the adventure.

Abby, please ask restaurants to consider this. It will make these people feel special again. -- KATHLEEN IN SEDONA, ARIZ.

DEAR KATHLEEN: That's a great idea; however, it's not a new one. I'm told it's traditional in Germany, Austria and northern Italy. It provides a gathering place for people who prefer to meet and converse in some place other than a bar. The owners of Rockenwagner, a restaurant in Santa Monica, Calif., have found their "community table" (a Tuesday night event with a special menu) so successful they're replicating it in their second location. More restaurants should follow suit.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to offer another solution to the woman whose neighbor uses her hose and water to water his lawn and shrubs.

Install a turn-off valve on the water line inside the house. She can then shut off the outside water unless SHE wants to use it. It's a good idea, anyway, to shut off this water in extremely cold weather. -- DONNA F., WEST CHESTER, OHIO

DEAR DONNA F.: I heard from several readers who told me that inside shut-off valves are usually located in the basement, and that turning it off is a simple procedure. However, I live in California and do not have a basement -- so I called my plumber. He informed me that this is not usually inside a house, so it may be necessary to have one installed. I'm sure it would pay for itself over time in the form of reduced water bills.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Shaking in Harrisburg, Pa." hit close to home. She said her son was being married in a few weeks, and was insisting that she dance with her abusive former husband at the wedding.

My daughter married a year ago, and she was kind enough to realize that asking me to dance with my ex at her wedding was like asking me to dance with the devil himself. She told me she would never put me through it, knowing how hard the divorce was on me.

Abby, I, too, am engaged to a wonderful man now. I never thought life could be so beautiful. At the wedding reception, I stood looking at the man who had hurt me so deeply and took a real hard look at him. I asked myself why I was still so fearful of him even though I had put my life back together. I realized at that moment that I really wouldn't completely put my life back together unless I faced my fear of him.

My children were stunned when I walked over and asked him to dance. I held my head up and looked him straight in the face. He couldn't even look me in the eye. It wasn't long before I realized the man was nothing more than a "weasel," and I actually began to smile. By the time the dance was over, I realized I could put the past behind me. All my fears were gone.

Weeks later, my daughter asked me why I had danced with her father when she knew it was the last thing on earth I wanted to do. I told her the truth -- that I hadn't done it for HER. I did it for ME. She knows the past is finally behind me, and she is proud of me.

Please tell "Shaking" that she needs to face her past fears to really get on with her life and be happy. -- IN CONTROL AT LAST IN MINNESOTA

DEAR IN CONTROL: I applaud you for conquering your fears and going on with your life. However, unless someone is ready to do that, I would never push her. You are not the only reader who identified with "Shaking in Harrisburg" and wanted to offer encouragement. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I danced with my ex-husband at my son's wedding this summer. I can understand why "Shaking" is unhappy, but she might want to give this some consideration:

I view my ex as an emotionally handicapped person and more like a nonfavorite cousin. Because we have children, I feel we will always be "related." I no longer focus on the difficulty of our divorce eight years ago. If her ex still has her shaking, then she's letting him live rent-free in her head. Surely he's not worth it. She should focus on him instead as the man she loved when her son was conceived and born (if that was the case) and how wonderful it was that they produced something so good.

Our 26-year-old daughter was surprised we danced so well together. I reminded her that there were many things we did well together, which is why we married in the first place -- even if it didn't last. -- WISER NOW

DEAR WISER NOW: I congratulate you for your tact, and for handling the situation with humor as well as grace. You're fast on your feet in more ways than one.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old woman with a college degree. I am intelligent, friendly, drink moderately and have never touched drugs. You would think my mother would be satisfied to have a daughter with these attributes; however, she is not. I am single, and that isn't good enough for her.

Mother is constantly mentioning to me about this guy or that guy she met at the grocery store, or a nephew of someone she works with or met at a wedding. She goes on and on, even though I have no interest (and tell her so). Recently I went to a store and a young salesman knew my name. My mother had been in and told him all about me and even showed him my picture. I have told her repeatedly that I do not want her to set me up or talk to men about me, but she continues to do so.

A month ago, she placed an ad in a singles magazine with my information. Doing this required her to forge my signature. I was mystified when I began receiving biographies of "interested" men in the mail. Although I was extremely upset, I haven't confronted her about it. I'm not sure what to say because nothing has ever gotten through to her before.

She has no respect for my privacy or my right to live my own life. She obviously thinks it's necessary for me to land a man, but I live at home and haven't completed my education, so I'm in no hurry to do that. How can I make it clear to my mother that this is not her business? -- AT MY WIT'S END IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR WIT'S END: Showing your picture to strangers and placing an ad in a singles magazine without your knowledge are beyond the realm of normal parental concern, and could actually be dangerous. However, since you have talked to her in the past and asked her to stop, and it hasn't helped, there is nothing you can do to stop your obsessive parent.

My advice: Grit your teeth, complete your education, and then move as far away from her as you can. It's the only way you'll be able to live your own life.

DEAR ABBY: One of my best and oldest friends became engaged to be married five months ago. "Sarah" has put a deposit down on a location, bought her gown and picked out dresses for her three bridesmaids, including me. The problem is that Sarah has yet to pick a maid of honor or even to say she doesn't want one at all.

Whenever anyone asks her who the maid of honor is going to be, she shrugs off the question by saying something like, "I haven't even gone there yet."

Abby, I'm trying to be there for her because I'm her friend, but it seems as if she's trying to avoid the issue, possibly to avoid picking one friend over another. I would like to host a bridal shower for her, but isn't that the responsibility of the maid of honor? I wouldn't be offended if she didn't choose me, but it's difficult to assess my role without knowing for certain what it is. -- JUST A BRIDESMAID?

DEAR JUST A BRIDESMAID: You are a wonderfully supportive friend, but this is a decision the bride must make, and she must make it in her own time. Entertaining for the bride is not solely a privilege of the maid of honor. Bridesmaids may entertain for the bride singly, or as a group.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)