DEAR ABBY: I am a single father with a 14-year-old son. I am not married, but I have a girlfriend.

My problem is my girlfriend likes to run around very scantily clad. I have no problem with this, except she does it in front of my son, or, when he's in the next room she'll run out, naked or half-naked, into the hallway, just barely out of his sight.

I have asked her to stop, but I don't feel I should have to keep asking her that. We are both in our early 30s. She also darts in and out of rooms naked or nearly naked when we are at the homes of relatives. I do not understand why she does this. -- RATTLED IN REDWOOD CITY

DEAR RATTLED: Your girlfriend may have a different standard of modesty than the one with which you were raised, or she could be a bit of an exhibitionist. Your son is a young man now, and whether or not it's intended that way, her nudity could be interpreted by him as seductive.

You should not have to keep reminding her. Tell her once and for all that you don't want your son and your relatives surveying her "assets" -- so in the future, unless you're alone, she MUST keep them covered.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago you were kind enough to publish a letter I wrote dealing with infants who are thrown away, abused or killed by their parent or caretakers. It concerned the news accounts of the death of one such toddler that haunted me. Shortly after, you published a letter written by a nurse who said that for the first time an infant had been abandoned on the grounds of the hospital where she worked. She thought perhaps my letter had prompted that child to be abandoned in a safe place. I hope so.

I would like to thank you for printing my letter, Abby, and share some information that may save more infants who are at risk of being abandoned or abused. Programs exist to help them. The first is the Baby Anthony Program in California, with a statewide, confidential crisis toll-free hotline: (800) 606-BABY (2229). The other is a national 24-hour toll-free hotline called Project Cuddle. That number is (888) 628-3353. I hope you will pass this along to your readers because recently there were two more stories about abandoned babies. One was found alive in a garbage can, another found dead in a field.

The phone numbers are for women and young girls who find themselves pregnant and do not know where to turn for help. They are also for caretakers who feel they must somehow get rid of the child. Some of these women and young girls will never see a doctor or any other health-care professional about their pregnancies.

I still believe there should be a legal and safe location for caretakers to take these infants, and no "manhunt" to add to the feeling of despair that led these people to think the only way for them to cope is to "get rid" of the child.

Thank you again for the opportunity to ease the trauma the original "Baby Girl Doe" created within me. I almost feel as though her message to the public has been received and some lives have been saved because of her. She remains in my mind and heart, but she is no longer heavy, thanks to you. -- DOROTHY MILLER, PITTSBURG, CALIF.

DEAR DOROTHY: I'm pleased to spread the word about the Baby Anthony Program and Project Cuddle, for parents who are overwhelmed and cannot tolerate the responsibilities of parenthood. They provide a sensible alternative to abandonment or child abuse.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A pregnant 18-year-old wrote to you because her husband was having a hard time accepting the fact that she wears a locket with a photo of the baby boy she gave up for adoption three years before. You advised her that you thought it was because the necklace "served as a constant reminder that 'he wasn't the first man in her life.'"

Abby, that girl told you she had been raped and the baby she gave up was a result of a crime committed against her. How can you even insinuate that the heartless coward who fathered this child was a "man in her life"?

I can assure you that a rapist, and the experience of being raped, becomes a permanent part of your life. However, when a child is raped, that rapist does NOT become the "first man in her life."

I hope you will print this letter along with an apology for offending all victims of rape. -- TAMIE IN MARIETTA, GA.

DEAR TAMIE: After an editor expressed concern about my terminology after that letter and answer were sent to my newspapers, I issued a correction. However, not all of them used my alternative wording. If you or anyone else was offended by my language, I apologize. "First man in your life" was not intended to imply that the baby was the result of consensual sex. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In response to the young wife whose husband wants her to remove the locket containing the picture of the baby she gave up for adoption, my next question would be: How dare he? What does he want her to give up next -- her friends and family? If he can't see that the locket is important to her, he may never see ANYTHING that is important to her.

My feeling is that he's using this as emotional blackmail because he is insecure in himself. I have had three children, and never loved any of them less than the others. Is this husband an only child? If not, have him ask his mother if she loved any of her children less because she already had one. A parent's heart is too big for something that petty, and "Too Young" has already proven how big her heart is.

This young woman should hold her head up proudly, because her daughter will, too -- and so will her son. She has already proven what a terrific parent she is. She did not blame her unborn child and gave him the greatest possible gift, life!

Keep your locket, dear lady; you earned it. -- INSULTED PARENT OF FOUR, PHOENIX

DEAR INSULTED PARENT: I second the motion. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Most lockets have room for TWO pictures. I think she should add the daughter's photograph to the one of her son. Or, even better -- the husband should buy a new locket and put the pictures of both children in it. -- DIANE D., LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR DIANE D.: That's a wonderful idea. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That young woman's husband should applaud and support her for getting through the terrible ordeal of rape in such a mature and responsible way. As for her loving her new daughter as much as her son, I'm sure she will discover that a mother's love is like no other -- and can be equally distributed to all her children. Her insight and thoughtfulness prove that she is already well-suited for the job. -- DANIELLE M., FAIRLESS HILLS, PA.

DEAR DANIELLE: You've summed it up very well.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a counselor at a residential home for teen-age girls. We've recently had a problem with a few of our girls "huffing" (inhaling) cleaning chemicals. We've had several discussions with the girls, separately and in groups, about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. Although the girls repeat our warnings to us and appear to understand, I doubt that they fully understand how dangerous it is. I overheard one girl say, "Plenty of movie stars do it."

I remember a column in which you once printed a list of celebrities who had died from alcohol or drug-related incidents. If you would reprint it, I would be most appreciative. -- CONCERNED COUNSELOR, VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR CONCERNED COUNSELOR: Although I have listed the names of celebrities who died because of tobacco, I haven't previously published a list of celebrities whose deaths were substance-abuse related. However, the Center for Substance Abuse Prevention was able to provide me with one. The amount of God-given talent lost because of substance abuse is tragic:

Chet Baker, John Belushi, Kurt Cobain, John Coltrane, Dorothy Dandridge, Miles Davis, Jerry Garcia, Judy Garland, Andy Gibb, Jimi Hendrix, Billie Holiday, Brian Jones, Janis Joplin, Bela Lugosi, Keith Moon, Marilyn Monroe, Jim Morrison, Charlie "Bird" Parker, Edith Piaf, River Phoenix, Elvis Presley, Freddie Prinz Sr., Jean Seberg, Sid Vicious and Dennis Wilson.

I was shocked to learn that inhalant abuse is the fourth most common form of substance abuse among high school students, behind alcohol, tobacco and marijuana. While nine out of 10 parents refuse to believe their children would take such a foolish risk, a 1997 national household survey on drug abuse revealed that almost as many eighth-graders have abused inhalants (21 percent) as have used marijuana (22.6 percent).

Among the common products on the market with the potential for being abused: glues, nail polish remover, paint products, correction fluid, hair spray, gasoline, room deodorizers, markers, Freon, lighter fluid, gases (helium, butane, propane), computer sprays, cleaning agents and fire extinguishers. The effects of inhalant abuse include intoxication, short-term memory loss, hearing loss, limb spasms, bone marrow damage, liver and kidney damage, permanent brain damage and death.

Last August, a reader named Michael Richardson sent me a copy of a letter about "huffing" he had sent to his local newspaper. In part, it read:

"When I was younger, 20 years ago, three schoolmates got a kick from sniffing Pam, the nonstick food stuff. They are dead because of it. I understand that Pam and Scotchguard are popular today.

"Many people do not realize that the solvents they get a buzz from are only carriers of the product in a spray can. The solvents help distribute the product uniformly on their intended surface.

"Pam uses oil to 'seal' and prevent food from bonding to the surface of a hot frying pan; Scotchguard is a fluorocarbon compound used to 'seal' dirt from cloth; paint uses pigments and binders to 'seal' out the environment, preventing deterioration and rust.

"When these materials are concentrated into the human lungs they also 'seal' out the transfer of oxygen to the body. So while you're getting a buzz from the carrier solvent, you're also drowning from lack of oxygen. There is nothing anyone can do to help you; you're as good as dead, and that's it."

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)