DEAR ABBY: In 1989, my nephew Bryan and his fiancee were killed in an automobile accident. He was only 21 years old. My brother-in-law and sister were faced with that dreaded question, "Is your son an organ donor?" In fact, he was, and had discussed his wishes with his parents some time before the accident. As a result of Bryan's unselfishness, several people's pain was ended and their bodies were mended.

A couple of years later, my sister was asked by a nurse who worked in transplant services to speak to a group of medical professionals who deal with organ donation and donor families. She was told that they never had a problem getting a recipient to come and tell the story from that point of view, but it was rare to find a donor mom or dad who would discuss how being approached for donation had affected their lives and what it meant to them.

Those people wanted to know how she felt about what took place in that drab little room off to the side of the emergency room on the night her son died. They knew they would be faced with asking that question again and again, and wanted to know if she could give them a word of encouragement or correction to make them better equipped to help the next family. How could she refuse?

In the days to follow she wrestled with the thought of standing in front of a group of strangers and pouring out the horrible story. She decided she needed to jot down something that could be read for her in case she fell apart. In the space of an hour, the enclosed poem is what God's grace allowed her to express. Perhaps you will feel it's worth sharing with your readers. -- RON BELSHE, RICHARDSON, TEXAS

DEAR RON: I offer my condolences for the tragedy that took your nephew and his fiancee. Your sister's poem is certainly worthy of space in this column. Read on:

DON'T GIVE UP

by Becky Hanson

If you can swallow hard enough to push away the fear,

And say yes to the question that no one wants to hear,

Then you will add a ray of hope when there's nothing left but crying,

And become the "gentle link" between the living and the dying.

I believe that you'll find comfort though your heart has been laid raw,

In offering hope to someone else who prays and waits in awe.

Until it's done, you can't know how or whom your words will bless,

But hundreds more will find new life if you will answer "yes."

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Still Laughing in Dallas," regarding the whistle and the obscene telephone calls, reminded me of my own experience.

My husband was on active duty and was often away from home. During those periods I would receive phone calls on an irregular basis. It seemed that this person would wait until about 10 minutes after I had gone to bed, then call and not say anything. It did not matter what time I went to bed.

The only thing the police suggested was to change my phone number or keep a whistle handy. I decided that the whistle would wake my children and might push the caller into something more aggressive. Finally, one evening I had enough. I told the caller that if he would just speak to me, we could have a wonderful conversation. Did he know what it was like to be cooped up with two kids under the age of 4 for days on end without another adult to converse with? Changing diapers, cleaning up smeared food all over the table and chairs? I kept talking about the children and then I heard a "click." Never another phone call.

Abby, I BORED the person into leaving me alone. -- FRANKLY BORING IN FOLSOM, CALIF.

DEAR FRANKLY: You may consider yourself "frankly boring," but I consider you to be a frankly intelligent woman who solved a difficult problem with a dose of reality. Thank you for an interesting letter.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Around Christmas, my wife, our daughter and son and I visited family in Baltimore. One day we decided to take the children to see Santa at a mall just outside the city. It turned out to be the scariest day of our lives.

Our son is only 14 months old. All of a sudden, he started to shake, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he stopped breathing. My wife and I went into a panic. I started to give him CPR, but I was completely shaken up.

A lady walked over and said she was a nurse, so I stepped out of her way. By the grace of God, she got him breathing again. The ambulance arrived to take our son to the hospital. When I looked around for the lady, she was MIA.

The doctors said my son had had a seizure due to a rapid rise in temperature.

It amazed us that a complete stranger would have the compassion to stop and help us. That nurse saved our son's life, and we are deeply grateful for her help. Life would be unbearable without him. We feel terrible that we weren't able to properly express our gratitude to our son's guardian angel. -- MELVIN AND JENNIFER BIDDLE, PENNSVILLE, N.J.

DEAR MELVIN AND JENNIFER: Your close call highlights the importance of parents knowing how to perform CPR and, if they have forgotten how to do it correctly, signing up for a refresher course. The Red Cross and the American Heart Association offer CPR courses, and they're as near as the telephone.

P.S. If the Good Samaritan who helped your son is a Dear Abby reader, you will have delivered your message of thanks today. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

DEAR ABBY: I want to thank you for thinking of us while we are deployed here in Kosovo. The men of our unit were pleased to have received many letters of support from home. The letters have helped us remain close to home during the holiday season.

Through Operation Dear Abby you have provided a service to the U.S. military for many years. The men and women serving in the military do give up many of the joys of being home during the holidays. But we understand the blood and tears our forefathers have given to our great country -- and we are not making the same sacrifice. I am proud to be here. It is rewarding to be able to give Kosovo a little of the freedom we enjoy every day.

You have provided much of the same service that Bob Hope did, keeping us in touch with everyday Americans. Thank you for being there for us. -- SGT. ROBERT E. JONES, U.S. ARMY

DEAR SGT. JONES: Thank you for a wonderful letter, but the credit for the success of Operation Dear Abby belongs to the thousands of generous and patriotic Americans who work hard each year to be sure our troops are remembered. All of us are very proud of you, indeed!

CONFIDENTIAL TO "THREE-TIME LOSER": Proceed slowly. "Divorce is the psychological equivalent of triple coronary bypass surgery. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it." (Mary Kay Blakely quoted in Parade magazine, 1987)

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am not normally a person who would write to you, but I am prompted to do so as a result of the letter you printed relating to obtaining inheritance tax, estate tax or income tax incentives for people to become organ donors.

I am a lawyer who practices in the estate and tax field, and I thought that the proposition was interesting from that standpoint.

However, as a registered organ donor, I question both the proposition and your support of it. My questioning does not concern the need to get more organ donors, but it concerns the motivation of people to donate organs in return for tax relief.

I am concerned that our society needs to have "incentives" to do that which is right. Do we really need to have income tax deductions to support our favorite charities? Do we need tax incentives to encourage people to employ persons otherwise unemployable? Will charitable giving collapse if, for some reason, charitable deductions were eliminated from the Internal Revenue Code?

I would hope that the answer to these questions would be no, so I am not in support of the person who suggests that we give incentives to encourage people to become organ donors. The incentive should be that you are doing the right thing for the right reason. There is no other incentive necessary. -- ALFRED K. HETTINGER, ALLENTOWN, PA.

DEAR MR. HETTINGER: The answer to all of your questions could well be "yes." And I agree with you that no incentive other than doing the right thing for the right reason should be necessary.

However, at this time 66,717 people are on organ-donor waiting lists, praying for a heart, a kidney or a liver that will save their lives. Last year, 4,800 people died waiting for that prayer to be answered. Is it more immoral for someone to die because there is a shortage or organs available, or to offer tax incentives to those who would otherwise bury their dear departed, organs and all? To me, it seems like a terible waste.

My philosophy coincides with that of the late Robert Test, who wrote the following:

TO REMEMBER ME

At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that, for all intents and purposes, my life has stopped.

When that happens, do not attempt to instill artificial life into my body by the use of a machine. And don't call this my "deathbed." Call it my "bed of life," and let my body be taken from it to help others lead fuller lives.

Give my sight to a man who has never seen a sunrise, a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.

Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.

Give my blood to the teen-ager who has been pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.

Give my kidneys to one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.

Take my bones, every muscle, every fiber and nerve in my body, and find a way to make a crippled child walk.

Explore every corner of my brain. Take my cells, if necessary, and let them grow so that someday a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of rain against her windows.

Burn what is left of me and scatter the ashes to the winds to help the flowers grow.

If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weaknesses, and all my prejudice against my fellow man.

Give my sins to the devil. Give my soul to God. If, by chance, you wish to remember me, do it with a kind deed or word to someone who needs you. If you do all I have asked, I will live forever.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)