DEAR ABBY: As I climbed the stairs to the front door one day, I got a funny feeling. When I opened the door, I knew that something had happened. I ran to the bedroom closet and jerked the door open. All of my father's shoes were gone, and so was he! No one had said anything to me about his leaving.

At school I was a dreamer, irritated with the boring trivia people demanded I learn. At home one parent ignored me, except when I made a mistake -- corrected at the loudest volume -- while the other spent every spare moment teaching and quizzing difficult subjects. No one listened or spoke to me. During the previous four years, I had lived in my own world: nightmares, sleepwalking -- once all the way down to the street -- planning my death and funeral, and wishing I was dead. I lived in profound depression. No one noticed. Discovering that my father was gone felt like falling off a cliff after thinking I was on solid ground.

As I walked slowly to the kitchen I decided that I'd had enough of everything. After my usual milk and cookies and the San Francisco Chronicle -- a new column had appeared a few days earlier (1956) -- I would decide how and when to do it. My parents were very busy people, and I knew they wouldn't want to bother with my pain. I decided to write to the author of the new column. I haven't the first clue why I chose that person, but at least the columnist would know why I was dead.

A few days later, I got another shock. Being the first one home every day, I brought the mail in. I was stunned to see a letter addressed to me. ME! Someone thought I mattered enough to write to me even though I was only 10 years old. It was a long, thoughtful, caring response that advised me to find someone to whom I could talk or write.

An aunt living in Arizona seemed a good choice. I didn't know her too well, but I liked her and began writing. She wrote back. When I became an adult, I told her how I came to write to her all my life.

I survived my childhood with a large unpaid debt. It is important to me that you publish this letter, Abby, so that it can be partially repaid by saying a public "thank you" for kindness to a child and for saving her life. That new columnist was you! Over the years I've thought of you often, always with amazement that you wrote to me. It was a very special thing that you did. Thank you.

With appreciation and thanks. -- D.L.G. IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR D.L.G.: I'm deeply touched by your letter and pleased that I was there for you when you needed someone.

The most profound way to repay your "debt" is to pass that good deed along to others who need to know that they are important and that somebody who has nothing to gain cares.

DEAR ABBY: My boss gave me diamond earrings for Christmas. I am a married woman and he is a married man.

I know his wife thinks this was an inappropriate present. I am torn. What should I do? -- WORKING WOMAN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORKING WOMAN: Return the earrings, and tell your boss you are not comfortable accepting them knowing that his wife feels they were an inappropriate gift. The last thing you need is a boss whose wife resents you.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I never married, but I have a 5-year-old daughter. It has been two years since I moved from my hometown and I haven't had a single date here.

I started a new job last August, where I met a man I'll call "Tony." I have not stopped thinking about him since the day we met. Call me crazy, but I think he may be attracted to me as well. He has flirted with me on many occasions, and I see something in his eyes every time he looks at me. I am no fool, Abby. I know when a man is interested.

The problem is, he has not asked me out except for a few lunches. In the five months I've known him, he has been out of the country for 2 1/2 months.

I am usually shy, but I confess I did flirt a little to let him know I was interested. However, I didn't want to appear desperate. He is very shy, too, but I feel deep in my heart that he cares. I have grown fond of him and would like to get to know him better. I know that I can't just ask him out, but I feel there is something special between us. What should I do? -- FEELING AWKWARD IN ONTARIO

DEAR FEELING AWKWARD: Unless there is a company policy that forbids co-workers from dating, I see no reason why you shouldn't ask him to join you for lunch on a weekend or dinner one evening. It's leap year -- so go for broke!

DEAR ABBY: Will you please answer a simple question? Why do grooms (husbands) always think it is the responsibility of the bride (wife) to write the thank-you notes? Moreover, why do they not know how to write thank-you notes?

I love my husband, but I'm about to wring his neck. By the way, he sees himself as a writing expert and a master of the English language, so it's not because he's illiterate; he just seems lost when it comes to doing this chore. I have heard that this is the case with most men. -- CURIOUS

DEAR CURIOUS: There is absolutely no excuse for someone who is literate not to be able to write a simple thank-you note. Your husband may have been raised in a male-dominated household where writing thank-you notes was considered "women's work." However, this is the year 2000 and times have changed.

The responsibility does not belong solely on your shoulders. Divide the "chore" and have him write to your side of the family while you write to his. Consider it just another way to blend the families.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married this summer. She will graduate from college in May from a school in Texas. We live on the West Coast where the wedding will take place. Her fiance lives in Arizona where they will make their home.

The problem is they don't have the money to ship gifts to Arizona. I was wondering if it would be proper to ask people to take a picture of the gift they intended to buy, and wrap it in a box along with a check so my daughter can purchase the item when she arrives in Arizona. Is that tacky? Please advise. -- PLANNING A WEDDING

DEAR PLANNING: It would be improper to bring up the subject of monetary gifts, even if it is "prettied up" by requesting that the guests enclose a photo of the gift they had in mind.

However, if you are asked what your daughter needs or prefers, you may respond by explaining that a check would be the most practical gift.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Will you please reprint this letter? My wife and I have saved it for many years. If it helps some young ladies, we will be happy. -- ROBERT KLIPPEL, SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ROBERT: The letter you sent appeared in my column on Dec. 11, 1991, and I'm pleased to run it again.

DEAR ABBY: I wrote you in June about my 13-year-old daughter. (I told you she was getting dangerously close to the boyfriend she had been seeing morning, noon and night.)

I took your advice and spoke to her about sex. I purchased at the local drugstore several forms of birth control (condoms, contraceptive sponge and vaginal suppositories). I also bought something called a "teen pack." It contained several trial-size items introducing young females to such things as tampons, mini-pads, maxi-pads, shaving lotion and razors for shaving legs. When I got home I invited my daughter to join me at the kitchen table. My husband was working late that night, so it was a perfect opportunity for girl talk.

I lined up the contraceptive devices on the table. I gave her the teen pack, telling her that all the items in that package were things that we had previously discussed. Then I pointed to the other items that we needed to talk about.

I carefully explained to her that now she had become a young woman having a monthly period, she could become pregnant if she had sex. I then told her that I was in no way condoning sex in someone as young as she, but that I wanted her to be informed. I then took each product and explained how it was used, and showed her the directions and how to check the expiration date on the product. After that, I opened each package and let her touch the device, examine it and ask questions.

I made sure that she was aware that even if she was on the birth control pill, it would not prevent sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS. I told her that safe sex with condoms could not guarantee the prevention of pregnancy and disease, and the only way to ensure not getting pregnant or contracting a sexually transmitted disease was not to have sex.

I then took the remaining products and placed them in a box in her bathroom closet. I told her I would not check the box, but if she ever felt a need to experiment, they would be there. I stressed that she could always come to me before making any decisions that would change her life forever.

I made some important points to her that truly hit home: I pointed out that she was too young to obtain a driver's license, too young to drink, too young to get a job, and too young to be responsible for the life of another human being. I reminded her that if she were to have a child, her education and social life would cease until such time that she could afford a baby sitter.

Abby, I realize this letter is long, but I wanted you to know how I dealt with this issue. After our talk, my daughter has been a different person!

I trust my daughter, and your advice was a big help in dealing with a very difficult situation. I realize that I have a long way to go in completing the journey through her teen years, but I believe that we, as a family, will survive. -- NORTH DAKOTA MOM

DEAR MOM: Thank you for writing. Every daughter should have a mother like you!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)