DEAR ABBY: The letter about nurses and doctors not washing their hands before touching a patient is so true. I got a severe cut on my hand, which required a trip to the emergency room. I was placed in a cubicle next to another patient, with only a drape in between. The doctor examined the person next to me and I heard him say, "Boy! That's some rash you have." When he was finished with him, he parted the curtain, came to me and said, "You need stitches."

I said, "Would you please wash your hands before you touch me?" He did. Abby, why did I have to tell him?

Thank you for the article. I hope everyone reads it -- especially doctors and hospital personnel. -- MADELINE IN NEWARK, N.J.

DEAR MADELINE: People promptly responded to that letter, and some of their letters -- like yours -- were eyebrow-raising. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: On Nov. 5, 1999, I went into the hospital for an estimated four-day stay for surgery on my lower spine. Four months later I am still bed-bound due to a staph infection.

I was sent home with drainage so bad the dressings were soaked in about half an hour. Nurses come to my home daily to change the bandages. I needed four pints of blood to replace the blood I had lost. I've had to return to the hospital and have the wound opened, flushed and drained twice. The second time it could not be closed with stitches or staples.

One of the nurses who cared for me didn't wear a mask or use rubber gloves, and she constantly sneezed and coughed while changing the dressings. -- ANNE IN PALM SPRINGS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: While sitting by my father's hospital bedside, I was handed the phone by a gloved LVN who was in the process of checking the other patient in the room -- a man covered with skin rashes.

Also, my friend recently refused to have her temperature taken by an LVN who had just changed the diaper of her roommate and was still wearing the same pair of gloves!

It makes me wonder what happens to sleeping or unconscious patients who do not have a friend or relative standing guard. -- REPULSED IN SALINAS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to add my recent experience: In a dermatologist's office, the doctor's assistant put on gloves for a surgical procedure, then ducked out to answer the phone and do a few front-office procedures. Then she returned to the surgery room to assist the doctor -- wearing the same gloves.

In a podiatrist's office, the doctor's assistant smoothed out the paper upon which the surgical instruments were to be placed using her bare, unwashed hands. All the surgical supplies were handled in the same way. After the surgery, another assistant wore gloves while cleaning up the bloody tray -- and then while wearing the same gloves, proceeded to put away the leftover supplies to be used on the next patient. -- HORRIFIED IN CINCINNATI

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow, I'll print what the medical personnel had to say. Stay tuned.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are the parents of three college-age children, all of whom drive their own cars. We are law-abiding citizens who have no trouble with the law. The town we live in has been designated a high-crime area by the county police, so it is not uncommon to see cars pulled over, not only for minor traffic violations, but also for "suspicious" behavior.

My concern as a parent is that most young people don't know how to act if they are stopped by police. Of course, they are expected to answer all questions respectfully. However, do they know that if they reach into their pockets for a license or identification, they might be perceived as reaching for a weapon? Shouldn't they learn this in school as part of a health and safety course?

Recently my children and a few friends were relating experiences of being stopped by the police. I was appalled to hear about some of the encounters these kids have had. My sons and their friends were grabbed from a vehicle, thrown up against the car and searched, just because the driver had started to reach for his wallet. My daughter was yelled at and ridiculed because she began trembling, and then was told she was in "no condition" to drive and must contact a parent.

By the way, we are not part of a minority group, so this was not racial profiling -- and my children dress conservatively. I have always taught them respect for authority, including the police, but I expect that same respect from police in return. -- GAIL FROM BRENTWOOD, N.Y.

DEAR GAIL: I, too, was taught as a child that "the policeman is our friend"; it's a lesson I passed on to my children. While that is still true in most cases today, the availability of illegal weapons has made the job of policing more dangerous than it was a generation or two ago. Call it self-protection or paranoia -- police now fear for their lives when they make routine traffic stops.

I agree that young people should know exactly how to respond if they are pulled over by police. Their parents should instruct them: One's hands should be in plain sight at all times. If there is a need to reach into a pocket or purse, or to open a glove compartment or trunk, the officer should be asked for permission first.

You mentioned that your children's experience was not the result of racial profiling. In many cases it IS. The American Civil Liberties Union has mounted a campaign to bring attention to this problem, and thanks to the activism of people of color who have come forward with their stories, politicians and law enforcement officers are beginning to take notice.

Hundreds of law enforcement agencies have agreed to collect data on the race and ethnicity of the people they stop, which is the first step in dealing with the problem. Bills requiring police to collect data on traffic stops have passed in several states and are on their way to becoming law in others. It's a welcome step in the right direction.

NOT CONFIDENTIAL TO JEANNE PHILLIPS, MY PRECIOUS FIRSTBORN: Happy birthday and many more!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Because your name is synonymous with good advice, we wanted to share with you and your readers some of Uncle Sam's best advice for today's woman.

The "Women's Consumer Survival Kit" is a free package of up to 20 federal consumer booklets tailored especially for women by the Consumer Information Center. This free package is designed to help empower women to take positive control of their lives. The booklets contain vital information for staying healthy, taking medicines, buying a home, investing, getting federal benefits and handling consumer complaints.

Abby, we appreciate your assistance in getting this valuable consumer information to your readers, but please tell them to place their orders now, because supplies are limited. -- TERESA NAVARRO NASIF, DIRECTOR, U.S. CONSUMER INFORMATION CENTER

DEAR TERESA: Your offer proves the truth of the saying, "The best things in life are free!" I have reviewed the booklets you are offering, and they're chock-full of information on food and women's health, home and finance, Social Security and Medicare.

There are three ways to order the "Women's Consumer Survival Kit":

1. Call toll-free: 1-888-878-3256 weekdays 9 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time, and ask for the Women's Consumer Survival Kit.

2. Send name and address to "Women's Consumer Survival Kit," Pueblo, CO 81009.

3. Go online to check out and order it through the Consumer Information Center's Web site at www.pueblo.gsa.gov. While you are there, you can read, print out or save any publication on the site for free.

Readers, the survival kits will be sent at no cost to you -- no postage, no fees. God bless America!

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Ric," and I share a home and a child, and very soon a marriage certificate. When his best friend was married last fall, Ric was asked to be a part of the wedding party. However, when the invitation arrived, I was not included. I took his suit to the cleaners for the rehearsal party, picked up his tuxedo, shopped for the wedding gift (which cost more than expected), and sat at home with our son all weekend while he participated in the festivities, without complaining.

Since the wedding, his friend and his new bride have invited Ric to participate in various other outings with them -- and, you guessed it -- they have conveniently forgotten to include me, or to even acknowledge that I am a significant part of his life.

I have since told Ric that their lack of tact bothers me, but he continues to participate solo, I continue to sit at home and wait, and his friends continue to exclude me. Am I wrong to be hurt by this inconsiderate behavior, or to feel as if he has betrayed me by letting this continue? -- TIRED OF BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED, NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR TIRED: Since you share a home and a child together, it should have been clear to your fiance's friends a long time ago that he is in a committed relationship. And that means you should have been included in the invitations. You are being treated with disrespect and lack of consideration.

The person to blame for this is Ric. It is long past the point where he should have made clear to his friends that you are a couple, and if they want his company, you are part of the package. Ask him why he has allowed you to be excluded, and why he is socializing without you. Listen closely to his answer. If Ric isn't willing to put a stop to it now, you'd be wise to rethink marrying him, because I predict he'll make your future miserable.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)