DEAR ABBY: This May, my grandmother, Elizabeth Eichelbaum, will receive her Ph.D. in art therapy from the University of Tennessee. At graduation, she will be 90 years old!

Abby, she received her bachelor's degree at age 69 and her master's at age 81. She has been attending classes the last two years in spite of macular degeneration (she is nearly blind).

Grandmother was separated from her mother when she was a small child in Russia. She lived in the czar's palace during the Russian Revolution, but eventually came to America. Some time after coming to this country, she was reunited with her mother.

Our entire family is extremely proud of her accomplishment, and she is an inspiration to all who know her. If you print this letter, it may inspire others to continue their education no matter what stumbling blocks may be in the way. -- DENNIS J. EICHELBAUM, PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR DENNIS: Your grandmother is an amazing woman, and I admire her determination. My heartfelt congratulations to her for her inspiring accomplishment. Readers, Elizabeth has proved it can be done, so what's stopping you? Go back to school if that is your dream.

DEAR ABBY: Would you be willing to inform your readers of the publication of a book of importance to every one of us -- Jessica Mitford's "The American Way of Death Revisited"? This book, a revised edition of a 1963 version, does a tremendous service in informing Americans about the wretched excesses of the funeral industry, into whose hands we all must ultimately fall. It describes in detail the means employed by that industry to separate us from our money just at a point when, through the sorrow and confusion attendant upon a death in the family, we are least prepared to think clearly.

Mitford's book -- which is eminently readable -- is available in a paperback edition for just $14. Every family should have access to it. Every minister should read and act upon it. Every retirement home, church and synagogue library should keep a copy available to loan out to its members. Preplanning (but not prepayment!) for funeral needs, based on the sort of information Ms. Mitford presents, is something every American family should do as soon as possible. -- JOHN B. GABEL, DUBLIN, OHIO

DEAR JOHN: When Jessica Mitford's book, "The American Way of Death," was first printed in 1963, it was a bombshell -- and remained on the best-seller list for a year. Before it was printed, many grieving families would plunge themselves into debt to pay for lavish funerals they could ill afford because they felt that the amount of money that was spent on their final farewell was an indication of how much they loved the deceased. How absurd!

After that book was published, Americans realized they could pay tribute to their loved ones and bury them with low-cost, dignified funerals without experiencing guilt or embarrassment.

Readers looking for a simple and inexpensive funeral should write to the Funeral Consumer's Alliance, P.O. Box 10, Hinesburg, VT 05461. The alliance has been a reliable resource for many years, and I'm pleased to recommend them.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Tempted," the soccer coach who has problems with girls on his team being too "flirty" or "suggestive." Being a soccer player myself,

I have seen this situation before, as many coaches at my school today are young men.

A few years back, one of the coaches at my school became sexually involved with one of his players. When the news leaked to the community, he not only lost his job but was also charged with statutory rape. He was forced to file as a sex offender and even had to spend time in jail.

The soccer community is not very large, and this news traveled fast. This man's credibility as a coach and as a person was ruined.

If it's too hard for "Tempted" to be in this situation, then I agree with your suggestion, Abby. He needs to get a new job. –- SOCCER PLAYER IN EL DORADO HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR SOCCER PLAYER: I don't know how "small" the soccer community is, but I think I may have heard from the coach in your letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Take it from me, Abby -- "Tempted" does not want to cross the line that separates a coach from a player. At one time I had my dream job as a coach. However, I am also young, and I made the foolish mistake of crossing that line. To make a long story short, I had to resign my position and struggle through a very hard time. I can't begin to tell you the pain, suffering and humiliation I experienced.

What I wouldn't give to turn back the clock and handle that situation differently. Take it from me: Getting involved with a player could ruin the rest of your career. -- ANONYMOUS IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR ANONYMOUS: True. And that's not even taking into consideration the psychological impact on the teen-age student's life.

Crushes on teachers are very common, and although a high school girl might look like a woman -- she isn't. Therefore, flirt as she may, it is the responsibility of the adult to behave like one and make sure that a firm line is drawn. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I must reply to the letter from the 26-year-old former soccer player, now a high school girls' coach. I have seen much difficulty as a result of men coaching girls' teams. I have seen many coaches fired, reputations ruined, marriages broken up and jobs lost because of similar situations. Schools are now beginning to hire female coaches, which is an excellent idea.

From the tone of the young coach's letter, he's not up to the job. Tell him he should run, not walk, away from being a coach for girls' teams. -- FORMER TEACHER, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR FORMER TEACHER: That's exactly what I told "Tempted." I advised him that if the temptation was too much for him, I'd recommend a cold shower -- and reassignment to a boys' soccer team.

DEAR ABBY: Can you stand another humorous epitaph?

My late father always claimed that in the small Southern town where he grew up, everyone was a regular churchgoer, save one old man who was a lifelong professed atheist.

When the old guy died, my father told me his headstone read: "All dressed up and no place to go." -- BOB IN TAMPA

DEAR BOB: Which shows that not only was he an atheist, but a pessimist as well.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers, young or old, to make provisions for their beloved pets in the event of major illness or death. I have rescued more than 10 cats from the local shelters this week alone.

These were all brought in individually by families of people who have passed away and made no specific provisions for their pets. The families are always happy to take the personal property, house, furniture, cars, etc., but the pets are up for grabs and end up in a cold, sterile animal shelter, not knowing what happened to them and why their home and their human companions are gone.

This is a real tragedy, and in most cases these animals are euthanized. The lucky ones are adopted by people like me who hear about their plight. Even if people cannot afford to have an attorney draw up a will, they should have handwritten instructions (holographic will) and leave it with a responsible person. There is no one to speak for these animals when their owners are gone. Please, Abby, get the word out to the public. -- CAROLE ELLIS, LOS ANGELES

DEAR CAROLE: I'm pleased to help. As important as putting the instructions in writing is to make sure in advance that the animal would be a welcome member of the family in the event of the owner's death or disability. Some pets, specifically some species of birds, can live to 75 years or so. And they deserve to live to a ripe old age if they are able to.

DEAR ABBY: After reading about Oscar Ortiz, the veteran who was appreciated after 55 years, I'm moved to write about the few seconds of appreciation I, a retired teacher, received while stopped at a busy intersection waiting for the traffic light to turn green.

A car filled with large, handsome, very noisy males drove alongside me and stopped. I glanced over at them and smiled. One of the young men said, "Don't worry -- we're listening to Michael Jackson's 'Scream.'" I replied, "Sounds normal to me after teaching high school for 30 years."

The driver did a double take and said, "Where did you teach?" "Westminster High School," I answered. He then said, "Mrs. P. -- is that you?" When I nodded affirmatively, he said: "I never told you before, but I loved you. You were the best teacher I ever had in all my years in school."

Then I recognized him. I said, "Sean, I remember when you brought your 18-month-old son to my class, and I gave him toys to play with while you studied." Sean said, "Look in the back seat, because there he is. He's almost 16 now."

The traffic light changed and our cars started moving into the intersection. The last I saw of my former student, he was waving at me and shouting, "Always remember, Mrs. P., I love you!"

I've been on cloud nine since those few seconds at the intersection. I hope this story might prompt students everywhere to communicate with those teachers who somehow influenced their lives. Dedicated teachers need appreciation. A few seconds will do -- but more is always appreciated. -- ULA PENDLETON, LOS ANGELES

DEAR ULA: I, too, hope your letter generates some response. I'm willing to bet that almost everyone can remember a special teacher who made a difference because of his or her caring heart.

Readers, if you do, sit down and write that teacher -- or former teacher -- a letter of acknowledgment and thanks. It won't take long, and the result will last longer than a few seconds at a stoplight. Your letter can be enjoyed repeatedly.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)