DEAR ABBY: I have just returned from my godson's funeral. He committed suicide -- at age 18. He had been captain of both the football and basketball teams in high school, had lettered in a third sport and had graduated with honors. He was doing well as a college freshman, but to solve a temporary problem, he chose a solution that was final.

Abby, he was much loved, and the church was filled to overflowing with friends and family. The pastor was blunt. He said he was feeling anger, betrayal and sadness that a fine young man was gone. We lost a friend, a son, a brother. My godson didn't mean to hurt his family and friends, but he was unable to see past the dark hole of his own pain.

At the service, the pastor asked for a show of hands from people who would not mind a call in the night from a depressed friend who needed to talk. Every hand was raised without hesitation. Any of us would have helped my godson had he only called.

Depression, probably brought on by a chemical imbalance in the brain, is treatable. He could have been helped.

Among your many readers there are bound to be some who are seriously depressed and at suicide's door. Please -- whoever you are -- if you think suicide is the solution, you are wrong. Someone cares and can help you. Please reach out.

Life is a gift not to be wasted. Allow someone to help you so you can find the joy in life. -- SHARON LEWANDOWSKI, HASTINGS, MINN.

DEAR SHARON: Please accept my heartfelt sympathy for the tragic death of your godson. You are right -- depression often is the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be corrected with treatment. People who are depressed have only to reach out. If they cannot confide in family or friends, they should call a crisis hotline to find support and direction to treatment. Someone is waiting to help.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a beautiful 1-year-old daughter and are very happy with our life. My problem? For many personal reasons, we have decided that our daughter is the only child we wish to have. When friends and co-workers ask me when we are having another child and I tell them we probably won't, the responses are incredibly rude -- from "You HAVE to have another child," to "It's mean, cruel, unfair, etc. to have only one child."

I am almost offended because this is an important life choice we have made, and these people are telling us we are wrong. I wouldn't think of telling them they have too many kids or they married a loser, etc., which are also life choices.

What I need is a polite, short response to this question so these people know that my personal life choices aren't up for judgment. How can I do this without being rude? -- INCENSED IN WYOMING

DEAR INCENSED: Try to keep uppermost in your mind that these well-meaning but insensitive individuals are just making conversation. The fact that asking when someone is going to enlarge his or her family is a potential minefield is lost to them.

The next time someone asks you when you're having another child, politely reply, "Our factory is closed." And if the person ventures an opinion about it, say, "Let's change the subject," or "Thank you for the input -- but we're happy with the decision we made."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to comment on a letter you reprinted from a mother who taught her 13-year-old daughter about sex, sexually transmitted diseases and the various forms of birth control. As a result, perhaps she helped her daughter prevent an unwanted pregnancy or disease. Your response was that "every daughter should have a mother like you!"

I couldn't agree more. I work in the Children's Court in Los Angeles and often deal with the consequences when children, those who are underage and those who may have attained majority but are still immature, have children.

However, I wish you had added that "every son should have a mother like you." When a child is conceived, it has both a mother and a father. When diseases are transmitted, it takes two to accomplish the transmission. Parents of all children should do exactly what "North Dakota Mom" did: Educate their children so that they can make informed choices. -- ROSEANN HERMAN, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW, LOS ANGELES

DEAR ROSEANN: I agree with you that it's vital to educate young people so they can make informed choices. However, not all parents agree with us. I'm sorry to say that I received mail from parents who felt that explaining to the girl about contraception was tantamount to condoning premarital sex. I couldn't disagree more with that philosophy, which I fear is a recipe for disaster. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter in your column about the mother who talked to her 13-year-old daughter about sex. I, too, talked to my daughter, Lucy, about sex -- and she listened. I did not want her to place herself in danger of getting a sexually transmitted disease, or of having a baby she was too young and too poor to care for.

My daughter was in special education all through elementary and high school. Some of our relatives would call her "slow" behind her back, but she listened to me when I talked to her about bad choices when it came to sex.

My daughter is now 29 years old and does not have any children as yet. Out of our family -- myself, my sister and two adult nieces -- Lucy, "the slow one," is the only one who graduated from high school without having a baby. She is the only one who did not have to rely on food stamps or AFDC for a child she couldn't afford. I tell her she is a treasure for any man, even though some of our relatives have had the gall to say to her that if she doesn't "use it, she will lose it."

When I became pregnant at 16, I was very ignorant about sexual matters. My mother expected my sister and me to learn what we needed to know from friends. When it was time for me to be examined by a doctor for prenatal treatment, I had no idea I would have to remove my underwear. I can still hear the nurse snapping at me that I was wasting the doctor's time because I hadn't already done so.

My two children suffered because I couldn't get a well-paying job with only a high school diploma and no child support. Parents need to talk to their children about sex and not assume that someone else will do it. Don't leave them in the dark. Not only do their lives depend on it, so does a newborn child's. Neither my son nor my daughter has had children out of wedlock or is dependent on government handouts. -- SHERRY IN GLENDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR SHERRY: If your letter doesn't convince parents that it's wise to give their children early and thorough sex education, nothing will.

You may have gotten an early start at motherhood, but you are a caring and conscientious parent.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This may not be a big deal, and probably isn't worth space in your column, but here goes:

I have a suggestion for doctors and dentists: Please ask your staff to call and remind people of their appointment times. Some of us can get the times and dates confused.

Also, many people have difficulty hearing, especially on the telephone. When you leave a message on our answering machine, don't speak "rapid fire" in a pitch more suitable for high school or college kids, because we simply won't get the message. -- MAJ. BEN WALLACE, U.S.A.F. (RET.), TUCSON

DEAR MAJ. WALLACE: Your suggestions are a "big deal." In fact, I consider them a "major" contribution to my column! Thank you for sending them.

You are not the only person who has problems deciphering answering machine messages. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This letter is directed to anyone who leaves a message on voice mail. PLEASE slow down when giving your name, address and phone number; this is not a race against the beep!

You may not get the information needed or the return phone call if you do not enunciate and give information slowly.

If you are calling from a cell phone, this is imperative. Technology hasn't yet provided a clear connection with voice mail. If you are calling from your car, it can be especially difficult.

If leaving your message is, indeed, a race against the beep, leave only your name and phone number. I'd rather return the call than replay the message five times. -- STRAINING TO HEAR, RICHFIELD, MINN.

DEAR STRAINING: I hear you loud and clear. And now, I have a message for you: Thank you for a practical suggestion.

DEAR ABBY: This is for "Frustrated Nonsmoker in L.A." I, too, was an ex-smoker with a husband who smoked. The most important thing to remember is to encourage, not pressure him. His first goal should be to cut down, not quit. (That can come later.)

Your mother-in-law cannot be cured or controlled, but you can put another spin on it. Tell your husband that each unopened pack of cigarettes his mother gives him is a coupon, which can be redeemed for a nice long back rub, a breakfast in bed, a shampoo or back wash, or anything special that he enjoys having you do for him.

This won't cost you anything but some energy, and it will relieve some of the stress of his cutting back on his smoking. It will also turn the unwanted gifts to your advantage without putting your husband in the middle.

Even if he is never able to completely stop smoking, you will have enjoyed quality time together and your relationship will be stronger and happier. Good luck. -- TOTALLY SMOKE-FREE IN FLORIDA

DEAR TOTALLY SMOKE-FREE: What a clever woman you are to come up with such a thoughtful win-win solution to "Nonsmoker's" problem. Orchids to you!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A frown adds a wrinkle; a smile adds a twinkle. (Submitted by Bill in St. Petersburg, Fla.)

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)