DEAR ABBY: For the last 12 years, I have been married to a good man and a great father. I have also been friends with a different man I'll call "Sam" for nearly 20 years. Sam and I have been through a lot together. He helped me through a rough teen-age period and my husband's infidelity. I helped Sam through his divorce and his affair with a married woman, who happens to be a close friend of mine.

My husband has never understood how a man and a woman can be "just friends" and never have any kind of sexual contact. But to me, Sam has been like a big brother. I have always defended my relationship with him by saying neither of us has those kinds of feelings for each other.

I believed that until recently, when Sam said something to me that makes me think he does. We were discussing the married friend he had an affair with, and he mentioned that she had asked him if we ever had sex. He said, "No, we never did -- but I wouldn't mind if we did." He then asked me if I ever had those feelings for him. I told him, "No, that would ruin a good friendship."

My problem now is defending my friendship with Sam, knowing he does have those feelings for me. I used to be comfortable around him -- like a buddy -- but now I'm uneasy. I don't want to lose his friendship, but I'm not sure I can talk to him the same way. It's almost like I did have an affair with him.

If my hubby even suspected Sam had these feelings for me, he would insist the relationship cease. Abby, you're the only person I can confide in. What do I do now? -- INNOCENT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR INNOCENT: First, accept the fact that Sam's friendship may have served its purpose. Frankly, that Q and A session was a betrayal of the platonic friendship you have enjoyed with him. That's why you are uncomfortable. Second, set a clear boundary -- and if it's crossed again, say "adios" to this "old amigo," who may never have grasped the concept of brotherly love.

DEAR ABBY: In a response to a recent letter you stated that you had received more than 100 requests to print the 15 warning signs of an abusive partner. Those warning signs are an excellent indicator of someone who is abusive. Anyone in a relationship with such a person would be more than justified in leaving.

What I find interesting, however, is that nobody has given any advice to children who are also the victims of such an abuser. While adults can sever a relationship with an abuser by leaving, a child cannot. The children usually rely on the abuser for the material necessities like food, clothing and shelter -- and this often gives the abuser even more control over the children.

I would like to know what advice you and your readers have for children who are suffering in such a relationship. I would also like to hear from adults who survived such an abuser. How did they do it? -- CONCERNED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONCERNED: Many children feel intimidated by -- or protective of -- their abuser and don't speak up. When I hear from children who are being abused, I urge them to confide in a trusted adult. Teachers, counselors, school nurses, coaches, doctors, psychologists, social workers and, in many cases, clergypersons are mandated by law in most states to report suspected child abuse and neglect to child protection agencies, which will investigate and make an appropriate intervention.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been asked to speak on behalf of my family at my mother's wedding. She is 75 and her future husband -- whom I've never met -- is 77. I am 42 and the youngest of three children.

My father passed away four years ago after nearly 50 years of marriage to my mother. Mother is marrying a man she has known for only three months. She says she is planning "the wedding she never had" when she married my father.

Three hundred guests have been invited to watch her walk down the aisle in a long white wedding gown. She's arranged for numerous attendants, two flower girls and a ring bearer.

Although my brother is totally against the marriage, he will attend. My sister is all for it. I would like to get out of it, but my mother has laid a "guilt trip" on me, and I agreed to speak at the reception.

What can I say that will make everyone happy? -- SPEECHLESS IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR SPEECHLESS: Toast the couple. Speak about your joy that your mother has found happiness. Talk about how terrific she is, how much she is loved by her family, and what an exemplary wife this man is getting. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my fiance for nearly two years. We are being married in a few months. He was raised in a male-dominated family, and he treats me like a daughter he can boss around, instead of his future wife.

We've talked about this many times. He truly believes that he is "taking care of me" and "protecting me for my own good." I appreciate his intentions, but his approach makes me angry.

I was raised in a home where we were all treated equally, and I had been taking care of myself long before I met him.

I love him, and I know he loves me, but how can I make him realize that I don't think it's cute when he treats me like the "inferior sex"? -- MAIDEN IN MARYLAND

DEAR MAIDEN: Put him on notice and tell him seriously how much his boorish behavior is resented, and you're afraid that if he doesn't change, it will destroy your relationship.

Postpone your wedding plans until you are absolutely certain he will treat you like an adult and an equal partner.

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter concerning the elimination of Morse code by government and commercial agencies, and I want you to know that I am glad I knew Morse code for "SOS." Cell and digital phones don't always work in the boondocks!

I'm a female in my mid-30s. One night a few years ago, my cousin and I were driving through Oklahoma on a lonely, dark stretch of road. When I ran out of gas, I turned on my emergency flashers, but nobody stopped. After waiting for approximately an hour without getting any help, I decided to use Morse code. I flashed "SOS" to several big trucks going by, and within 10 minutes, a state trooper pulled up. He said several people had called and reported seeing me blink "SOS." (Nobody called about the emergency blinkers!) -- DOTS AND DASHES IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DOTS AND DASHES: I am pleased that the truckers in Oklahoma knew Morse code and helped rescue you and your cousin from a potentially dangerous situation.

Your letter proves that sometimes the old methods are still the best.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been an intensive care nurse for more than 20 years, and I wholeheartedly agree with the poem you printed, "Let Me Go." Too often patients are kept alive under impossible circumstances.

I must take exception, however, to the phrase that pleads for the "doctor" to let go. That is not the case today. Rather, it is the FAMILIES who cannot let go and insist that the doctors continue heroic measures. They put the doctors in an impossible position. In our litigious society, doctors press on for fear of being punished in court.

Doctors should be honest with family members about the course of the patient's disease so that informed decisions can be made regarding the patient's care and possible withdrawal of treatment. There comes a point when treatment should stop. Pressing on may serve only the needs of those making the request, and not the needs of the patient.

Letting go can be an unselfish act of love for the patient. -- MICHELLE STUART, LAKE FOREST PARK, WASH.

DEAR MICHELLE: It is important that there be honest and ongoing communication between doctors, patients and families. The best doctors answer questions honestly and do not try to "protect" the patient and family by giving them "false hope." They know when to say that the prognosis is not good, and there are no treatment options left.

With empathy and sensitivity, doctors, nurses and social workers can help the patient and family make the decision to "let go," and when the time comes, to concentrate on pain relief and quality of life.

DEAR ABBY: The sentiment in "Let Me Go," the poem that you recently published, is one that we hear a lot at The Hemlock Society. Fortunately, we can offer solutions to suffering people and their families that can empower them.

Knowing there is a choice about whether to go on, or to die with peace and dignity at the time they chose, often extends life and relieves anxiety. There is no reason why the end of life should be the one time that people dread.

The late Supreme Court Justice William Brennan put it this way: "Dying is personal ... and it is profound. For many, the thought of an ignoble end, steeped in decay, is abhorrent. A quiet, proud death, bodily integrity intact, is a matter of extreme consequence."

We agree, and The Hemlock Society can help. -- FAYE GIRSH, PRESIDENT

DEAR FAYE: I am pleased to publish The Hemlock Society's mission: "To maximize the options for a good death, including legalizing physician aid in dying for terminally ill, mentally competent adults who request it, under careful safeguards."

Readers who would like further information can write The Hemlock Society, P.O. Box 101810, Denver, CO 80250-1810. The Web site is: www.hemlock.org; and e-mail: hemlock@privatei.com.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "HATES TO ASK, BUT NEEDS TO KNOW": "There aren't any embarrassing questions -- just embarrassing answers." (Carl T. Rowan Jr., former diplomat and respected journalist)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)