DEAR ABBY: I would like to share my thoughts regarding the 80-year-old talkaholic. This man's wife needs support. Perhaps the wife could ask for "group support" by inviting listeners to raise their hands so the gentleman knows they have heard his stories before and he is talking too much. He knows what he is doing and is taking unfair advantage of his audience and his age. He is not a fragile old man. He is an abuser. -- DOWN WITH NOISE POLLUTION, LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR DOWN: I strongly disagree. Given the man's age and the description of his behavior, it is possible that he suffers from age-related dementia and is not aware that he is repeating himself. What you're suggesting would not be helpful; it would humiliate him. What's needed is patience, compassion and a medical evaluation. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Speaking as someone who is getting up there in age (today is my 60th birthday), I have taken a different tack regarding older people who ramble on or repeat stories from their youth. I encourage them and listen to them.

There is no reason why a topic should be discussed only once. My foremost reason for doing this is because, when I reach 70, 80 or 90 (if I'm lucky enough to do so), I hope my friends and relatives will be kind enough to be patient with me.

It strikes me that the wife and friends are not very social. They are unkind and selfish, thinking only of themselves. What possible harm can there be in letting older people enjoy themselves and spending a few moments paying attention to them? Someday they'll be gone, and you will wish you had been kinder, more patient and more caring. -- JUST MY 2 CENTS' WORTH, PEMBROKE PINES, FLA.

DEAR 2 CENTS' WORTH: Your 2 cents are among the most valuable I have read on this subject. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I just finished the letter from the wife complaining about her husband who tells the same stories over and over. I recently wrote something that would answer that letter. It is titled "Blow It Away," and you have my permission to print it if you wish.

Wheat, after the harvest, must be thrashed

To separate the chaff from the grain.

The chaff is light and worthless,

And is easily blown away.

The things people say to us

Are a lot like the wheat.

Some of it has truth and value, and

Some of it, like the chaff, is worthless.

Sometimes people will tell the same jokes and stories over and over,

say provocative things, just to get your attention,

quickly overreact to your viewpoints,

always play the devil's advocate, or

just talk and talk and talk.

People usually have a reason for what they say, and

We need to listen carefully, and even

Look behind their words, and between the lines

To separate the chaff from the grain,

Keep what is worthwhile, and

With a quiet, patient understanding,

BLOW THE REST AWAY.

-- PHIL SKARIN

DEAR PHIL: Bravo! Your poem seems to have been inspired by the writing of Maria Mulock Craik, whose poetry has been featured in this column.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR READERS: It's Mother's Day, a fitting occasion to share a toast to all mothers, submitted by June Cotner, author of "Family Celebrations, Prayers, Poems and Toasts for Every Occasion" (Andrews McMeel, 1999).

To all mothers, stepmothers, foster mothers, surrogate mothers, grandmothers and mothers-in-law, and to all female citizens of the global village who help to raise children, a salute! Read on:

A MOTHER'S DAY TOAST

SuzAnne C. Cole, Houston

Please lift your glasses high to honor mothers,

Everyone's first love,

Who risk their lives giving birth,

Who respect the heart-thoughts of their children,

Who know "mother" is not the same as "smother."

To mothers,

Who always believe we can and will improve,

Who love us deeply enough to let us go,

Who end every phone call with "I love you,"

Who never give up hoping for our happiness.

We thank them for their strength,

We honor them for their suffering,

We forgive them their mistakes,

For in becoming aware of their limitations,

We learn to acknowledge our own,

To our mothers -- and their love.

DEAR ABBY: You recently printed a letter from someone who implied that there's something wrong with a man in his 40s who is still single. May I offer my opinion?

Four years ago, I married a 38-year-old man who had never been married, never been engaged, never lived with anyone and never fathered a child. We had dated for almost three years. I was 38 with three children, two still living at home.

While we were dating, our "dates" generally consisted of attending my children's sporting events, going places with my children, or watching television because it was a school night and the kids had to get to bed early.

He was an avid hunter, fisherman, roper, etc. He did these things on a daily basis and spent his time and money on these sports. However, he came to a time in his life when he wanted a family.

My husband is not perfect; however, he is a devoted husband and father. He is completely unselfish with his time and money. We spend 90 percent of our time on functions relating to the children, who are teen-agers now.

One more thing: He was never very popular with the girls or women in this area. That is their loss. They were looking on the outside. I looked on the inside and found a man who loves unconditionally and buys me beautiful, thoughtful gifts even when working 10- to 12-hour days. He never raises his voice to me or complains if the housework is not completed or if supper is not on the table when he gets home. He also supports me in my interests.

My husband will tell you that the only thing "wrong" with him was that he was waiting for ME. -- HAPPILY EVER AFTER IN VINITA, OKLA.

DEAR HAPPILY EVER AFTER: It seems you found your Prince Charming "hiding" in plain sight. I congratulate you. If they ever perfect human cloning, perhaps he'll become a DNA donor for the sake of those many women who are seeking the almost perfect man.

P.S. One of the reasons people have to mine for diamonds is they are usually found beneath the surface.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For the last 12 years, I have been married to a good man and a great father. I have also been friends with a different man I'll call "Sam" for nearly 20 years. Sam and I have been through a lot together. He helped me through a rough teen-age period and my husband's infidelity. I helped Sam through his divorce and his affair with a married woman, who happens to be a close friend of mine.

My husband has never understood how a man and a woman can be "just friends" and never have any kind of sexual contact. But to me, Sam has been like a big brother. I have always defended my relationship with him by saying neither of us has those kinds of feelings for each other.

I believed that until recently, when Sam said something to me that makes me think he does. We were discussing the married friend he had an affair with, and he mentioned that she had asked him if we ever had sex. He said, "No, we never did -- but I wouldn't mind if we did." He then asked me if I ever had those feelings for him. I told him, "No, that would ruin a good friendship."

My problem now is defending my friendship with Sam, knowing he does have those feelings for me. I used to be comfortable around him -- like a buddy -- but now I'm uneasy. I don't want to lose his friendship, but I'm not sure I can talk to him the same way. It's almost like I did have an affair with him.

If my hubby even suspected Sam had these feelings for me, he would insist the relationship cease. Abby, you're the only person I can confide in. What do I do now? -- INNOCENT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR INNOCENT: First, accept the fact that Sam's friendship may have served its purpose. Frankly, that Q and A session was a betrayal of the platonic friendship you have enjoyed with him. That's why you are uncomfortable. Second, set a clear boundary -- and if it's crossed again, say "adios" to this "old amigo," who may never have grasped the concept of brotherly love.

DEAR ABBY: In a response to a recent letter you stated that you had received more than 100 requests to print the 15 warning signs of an abusive partner. Those warning signs are an excellent indicator of someone who is abusive. Anyone in a relationship with such a person would be more than justified in leaving.

What I find interesting, however, is that nobody has given any advice to children who are also the victims of such an abuser. While adults can sever a relationship with an abuser by leaving, a child cannot. The children usually rely on the abuser for the material necessities like food, clothing and shelter -- and this often gives the abuser even more control over the children.

I would like to know what advice you and your readers have for children who are suffering in such a relationship. I would also like to hear from adults who survived such an abuser. How did they do it? -- CONCERNED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONCERNED: Many children feel intimidated by -- or protective of -- their abuser and don't speak up. When I hear from children who are being abused, I urge them to confide in a trusted adult. Teachers, counselors, school nurses, coaches, doctors, psychologists, social workers and, in many cases, clergypersons are mandated by law in most states to report suspected child abuse and neglect to child protection agencies, which will investigate and make an appropriate intervention.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)