DEAR ABBY: I can relate to "Had It in Houston" regarding their neighbor's unruly, undisciplined child.

"Tom," our neighbor's 6-year-old boy, has not only inappropriately touched our children on the school bus, but was caught touching the exposed genitals of a younger neighborhood boy on two occasions. He roams the neighborhood, uses foul language, openly hits his older sister –- and his parents appear totally clueless. For two years they've allowed Tom's behavior to get worse. The mother is rarely home, and she pawns Tom and his siblings off on our neighbors and us.

We are on the verge of notifying Children's Protective Services, but we don't want to start a "hate thy neighbor" relationship. They are already a bit "chilly" toward us because their son's behavior has forced us to send him home a few times. His parents have said nothing directly to us, but they criticize us to the other neighbors, who are well aware of the problem.

We've considered moving, but why should we go through the expense of leaving a nice area because of this family's ignorance and irresponsibility? Abby, what should we do? -- FRUSTRATED IN FOREST PARK

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Call Child Protective Services immediately. Don't put it off any longer. Talk to your other neighbors about your plan. There is strength in numbers. The boy needs psychological counseling, and the parents need parenting classes. All adults have a responsibility to save a child who is in trouble. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In response to the inquiry posed by "Concerned in Pennsylvania," regarding adults who survived child abuse and how they managed: My siblings and I were verbally, emotionally and occasionally physically abused by both of our parents and a stepparent. I would like to share a bit of our story.

One of the most critical coping techniques for us was the love and stability provided by other family members, especially our grandparents, who offered us shelter, unconditional love, and bottomless encouragement and support. We were also very fortunate to have teachers, counselors and coaches who believed in us and lifted us up in ways that we can never thank them enough for. Finally, we had a deep-rooted, but sometimes hidden, faith in God, each other and ourselves. In other words, what some might call a "survival instinct."

In short, our survival and our thriving can be attributed to the willingness and kindness of adults who cared enough to help us in ways large and small. To those persons, we can never fully convey our thanks in words, but we can in deeds –- by becoming normal, productive and kind adults who contribute positively to society. -- A GRATEFUL SURVIVOR IN CRETNA, LA.

DEAR SURVIVOR: Your letter says it all. Thanks for writing.

CONFIDENTIAL TO ROSE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy birthday to the most wonderful mother-in-law a person could wish for!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Too Many Rings in Arizona" wrote you that her fiance had given her his grandmother's ring as an engagement ring, but that she preferred to wear her deceased mother's rings, which her father had been keeping for her marriage. She asked whether it would be wrong for her to ask her fiance to allow her to wear her mother's rings rather than his grandmother's.

You said to go ahead and ask him, and to offer to wear the grandmother's ring on her right hand -– or, if that bothered him, to have her mother's rings made smaller and wear them as a pinky ring on her left hand.

I disagree! When you marry, you promise to forsake all others, keeping thyself only unto him as long as you both shall live. With that in mind, which ring is more significant to the union, his choice or her father's?

If "Too Many Rings" values her father's pledge to her mother more than her fiance's commitment to her as his chosen member of his family, then she can wear her mother's rings rather than his heirloom. -- TWICE A WIFE, TWICE WIDOWED IN EDISON, GA.

DEAR TWICE: More than a few -– but not all -– of those who responded to that letter agreed with you. To me, the most important thing was that the young woman and her fiance be able to communicate frankly with each other -– and possibly reach a compromise –- about something that is obviously important to both of them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Here's another idea for "Too Many Rings in Arizona." Before my wife and I became engaged last year, she expressed her desire for a ring with a three-diamond setting. She also inherited both of her grandmothers' engagement rings. My college roommate is a jeweler and was able to use the two diamonds and add a third in making my wife's dream ring. The ring has additional sentimental value because two of the diamonds had belonged to her grandmothers, and it was made by my college roommate. -- NEWLYWED IN LEXINGTON, S.C.

DEAR ABBY: A bride-to-be does NOT wear rings inherited from her parents on the hand she "gives" to her husband. She wears HIS rings -– the rings HE gives her -– as a traditional and deeply meaningful symbol of their union. She may certainly wear any other jewelry her taste allows, including inherited rings, on her right hand (although one would hope not at the wedding).

With the engagement and marriage, she ceases to be Mommy and Daddy's little girl, and that's an important part of the ring symbolism. She wouldn't want to send her betrothed, her parents and the rest of the world the wrong message, now, would she? -- JOHN IN POWDER SPRINGS, GA.

DEAR ABBY: A possible solution might be to take all of the rings in question, melt them down, and have a jewelry designer design something to the couple's specifications. That way material from all of the rings would be incorporated into their rings, and there would be added sentimental value.

More than 30 years ago I had wedding bands designed for my wife and me, and I still haven't seen anything else like them. -- JAY IN CANDIA, N.H.

DEAR JAY: Your idea warms my heart. There's something appealing about having all that family history combined into something they could both wear to symbolize their love for each other and their future together.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday I treated a 2-year-old who had fallen three stories out the window of his suburban home. I was moved by the little fellow's plight, and the obvious emotional and physical effects of the trauma. For me it was deja vu because eight years ago, my darling nephew, who lived just across the road from me, did the same thing. He fell two stories to the back yard below.

On my way home yesterday, I mentioned the small sky diver to a neighbor. To my astonishment, she informed me that another neighbor had a near miss recently with her 2-year-old. Mom caught her just as the little one popped a second-story screen out of the window.

Abby, I don't know how often this happens, but I have a feeling it's a growing problem. Many modern suburban homes have tall windows that start just a few inches above the floor. A 2-year-old is too young to realize the risk, but heavy enough to lean against a window screen and dislodge it.

In my family's case, the child's mom thought she'd open the window just enough to let some fresh air into his room while he napped. Unfortunately, he woke quietly and fooled with the window screen while his mother thought the baby was safely sleeping.

All three children survived, but I am truly concerned. Please warn parents. -- DR. ANN KOSA, CHIROPRACTOR, ALPHARETTA, GA.

DEAR DR. KOSA: Stories of children falling out of windows are becoming more common. Parents and caregivers should never assume screens are so securely attached that they will support the weight of a small child. Parents who can afford it would be wise to install interior "decorative" guardrails at the base of windows. An exuberant child doesn't have to fall two stories to be injured. The glass itself could be a hazard.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and a serious martial artist. I am depressed because I lost a fight at the state championships. Everyone said I was going to sweep all the medals, but I lost. I tried and tried -- I fought with everything I had. But I couldn't avoid my opponent's kicks.

Everyone now looks at me like I'm a loser. Maybe I lost because I'm inexperienced, because it was my first tournament. Or maybe I just don't have what it takes to be a winner. I lost my will and confidence, and this little voice keeps telling me I'm a loser and don't deserve to fight anyone because I'm nothing.

Is it possible to become better at something even though you think you're at the peak of your ability? -- DEPRESSED TEEN IN THE DESERT

DEAR TEEN: Certainly! No one reaches the top without having failed -- usually more than once. Everyone has setbacks. We often learn more from our failures than our successes.

Consider yourself a champion in the making. Look back over the tournament, see what your weaknesses are, and work on correcting them. One loss does not a loser make. The trait that makes a champion is perseverance. Don't give up. Continue striving to be the best you can be, and you'll climb the ladder of success.

A HAPPY FOURTH TO MY READERS. What a great country we live in. In the words of an Irving Berlin song, "God Bless America."

Please celebrate this holiday safely, with joy and gratitude to our forefathers, our military, and all of those who work to keep this the land of the free and the home of the brave.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY WOMB-MATE: Happy birthday, Sissy!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)