DEAR ABBY: This letter is in response to your recently printed letter from "Concerned in Pennsylvania," who asked what advice could be given to children who suffer abuse in their homes and cannot leave. We receive calls of this type regularly at Childhelp USA.

While all forms of abuse or neglect are harmful physically, emotionally or psychologically to children, authorities may not think a situation is serious enough to permanently remove children from their homes. Moreover, the abuse may be unknown to all but the perpetrator and the victim. Often victims are scared silent because they are frequently threatened, told it's all their fault or that no one will believe them. Victims may have mixed feelings because the perpetrator is an important person in their lives.

Youngsters in these types of situations must be made aware of the following:

1. You are a victim, and the abuse you are suffering is not your fault.

2. You do not deserve to be treated this way.

3. If you are being burned, bitten, or hit hard enough to leave marks or bruises, you are being abused.

4. If you are not being fed well enough or taken to the doctor when you are sick, if you are locked in a room for hours, or left home alone at too young an age -- you are being neglected. Neglect is a form of abuse.

5. If you are made fun of, called names, told you are unwanted or that you are worthless or stupid, you are being emotionally abused.

6. If any of the above are being done to you, please find someone you trust and tell them. A family member, a teacher, the school nurse, the school counselor, someone at your church, a neighbor or anyone you can trust must be told. Ask them for help. Make them believe you. Show them the marks.

7. Try not to be alone with any person who hurts you.

8. Listen to your little voice inside when it says that what is being done to you is not right.

Childhelp USA serves the United States, its territories and Canada 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You don't have to give your name and address, and no fee will appear on your phone bill. Our counselors are professionals who understand your problems and are always ready to help. We can take calls in 140 languages. The Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline is 1-800-422-4453. The TDD line for hearing-impaired is 1-800-222-4453. The Web site is www.childhelpusa.org.

You never have to feel that no one cares or there is nowhere to turn. Call! -- CHRIS MONACO, PH.D., DIRECTOR

DEAR CHRIS: Yours is one of the most important letters I have ever received. People who suspect a child they know is being abused should call local child protection agencies, local law enforcement or the Childhelp USA Hotline. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have important advice for children who are being abused:

If you are being hurt by someone through sexual, physical or emotional abuse, or are thinking about hurting yourself, please call your local law enforcement officials or our Boys Town National Hotline, 1-800-448-3000. Help is available.

We also provide tips for children and parents on our Web site: www.boystown.org.

If you do not have a trusted adult or someone who will listen, our highly trained telephone counselors will listen and do something to help. -- FATHER VAL J. PETER, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, BOYS TOWN USA

DEAR FATHER PETER: I commend you and your staff for the wonderful work at Boys Town. Thank you for making this service available to boys AND girls.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter about depression and suicide prompts my own letter. Only one in five people who suffer from a mental illness seek help. As some of those with a history of mental illness stated in their letters, reaching out for help is often a task that seems insurmountable. And broaching the subject with a loved one can be difficult for many reasons. Fear of being told to "mind your own business" can be a big impediment to friends and families who would like to extend a helping hand.

However, if you are truly concerned about a friend or loved one, the most compassionate action is to express that concern.

How to intervene:

(1) Clearly outline for yourself the reasons you feel the person needs help. Make sure they are for the person's benefit -- and not for your own selfish reasons.

(2) Create a special time to express your desire to help your friend or loved one by saying you would like to set aside some time to talk about "something important" and asking, "When would be a good time?" Be sure it's in an emotionally safe environment where you won't be overheard or interrupted. Then communicate how important he or she is to you and the reasons you feel there could be a benefit from counseling. (DON'T say what your friend or loved one is doing is "wrong.")

(3) Be direct, honest and compassionate. Practice stating your reasons in a positive, non-blaming way.

Abby, let's make it commonplace to reach out to others and say, "How are things really going for you? I'm not just asking to make conversation ... I'd really like to know because I care about you." -- DR. KEVIN GROLD, DEL MAR, CALIF.

DEAR DR. GROLD: Your helpful letter illustrates the importance of forethought in trying to achieve ANY kind of intervention -- be it for alcohol, drugs, depression or other mental health problems. While the majority of people may be reluctant to attempt this, some will want to -- and your letter provides valuable tools for them.

DEAR ABBY: How do I tactfully explain to my stepdaughter (my husband's child from his first marriage) that I do not wish to be a baby sitter to her three little girls (my three grandkids)? I have never been around children, never baby-sat any kids, and always feel uncomfortable around them. I never had the desire for children of my own, and the thought of baby-sitting three little girls overwhelms me.

My husband's daughter and I became acquainted only a year ago. She was never part of our life during her growing years, until last year after she got married. She is now 26 and will be moving to our town in a few months. What's the best way to explain my feelings without making her feel rejected, which is probably what she felt all her growing years. Help! -- NEW MOM AND GRANDMA IN WASHINGTON

DEAR N.M. AND G.: The best way to approach it is to broach the subject well in advance of being asked to baby-sit. Tell your husband's daughter exactly what you told me -- that you have zero experience with small children and weak maternal instinct. Therefore, she should not count on you as a baby sitter. A supportive friend and ally -- yes. A baby sitter -- no. Say it with a smile. A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to pose a question. A man is dying. If I went to visit him, he would be delighted to see me. Even though I haven't seen him in years, it would bring back happy memories for him. Neither his wife nor his children know that I exist.

After much soul-searching, I have decided that I won't go. I came to the conclusion that a visit would be disruptive and cause the family pain and suffering, as well as warping their memories of a wonderful man. But as I pondered this question, I wondered how many wives might accept such a visit, knowing that it would provide some solace to a man whom they both love. -- THE MISTRESS

DEAR MISTRESS: Probably not many. If the family resided in Europe, where mistresses are more common, such a visit might be welcomed. However, in the United States, we have a more disapproving attitude about extramarital relationships, and wives of dying husbands are not likely to appreciate a visit from a secret "admirer." Better to let lying dogs sleep.

DEAR ABBY: I recently lost a friend to complications of testicular cancer. As a health-care worker and his grieving friend, I find it frustrating that there isn't more education and information available about this disease.

An entire month is dedicated to breast cancer -- which I think is wonderful -- but teaching young men about self-exams for testicular cancer is just as important.

Testicular cancer primarily affects males between the ages of 15 and 40. Symptoms are often chalked up to hormones or "growth changes" until it has spread to other parts of the body.

Testicular exams are simple to perform and take only a few minutes once a month. The best time to do them is after a warm bath or shower. Roll each testicle gently between the thumb and fingers of both hands. If you find ANY hard lumps or nodules, see your doctor promptly! With early detection and treatment, the chances of a complete recovery are excellent. -- CONCERNED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR CONCERNED: I offer my sympathy for the loss of your friend. Men's health is certainly as important as women's, and I'm certain many of my male readers will thank you for taking the time to explain the examination and warning signs of testicular cancer. Men should also have periodic prostate and breast examinations.

The American Cancer Society is an excellent resource for cancer education, information and locations that offer emotional support.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Fay" is 20 years older than me, and we were once very close. She was like my second mom. My husband, "Jerry," has been successful in business. Over the past few years we have been able to buy a beautiful new home and cars. My sister, on the other hand, has to struggle to pay her monthly bills.

Jerry is our family's main source of income, and I am not comfortable asking him to lend or give money to my sister.

Fay is resentful that we're doing better than she is. She picks fights, insults us and criticizes everything we own, including our family dog. I take her out to dinner and nice places, but she even resents that.

I miss the relationship Fay and I once had. How can I mend the fences so things can be like they used to be? -- PERPLEXED IN PEORIA

DEAR PERPLEXED: You'll be happier if you stop trying to cling to the past and accept the fact that sometimes people and relationships change. The problem is not yours -- it's your sister's. You can't buy her love or "make" her let go of her jealousy. Only she can do that.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)