DEAR ABBY: Let me tell you about a wonderfully rewarding experience I was involved in this past year. I began dancing when I was 3. Now, at age 20, I am sharing my love for the art of dance through teaching. The owner of the studio, my second mother, Joanne Zavisa, was approached to participate in a unique project. We began a free class on Saturday afternoons for children with sensory deprivation disorder.

The children with whom we worked face a variety of challenges. Some of them cannot speak; some have a short attention span or cannot function in a regular classroom. All these children work with sensory therapists on a daily or weekly basis.

In our dance class, the children learned movements and exercises that involved every part of their bodies, and even learned to perform two dances with songs they could sing. It was amazing to see them progress from the first day to their performance. They seemed like a completely different set of kids.

This would not have been possible if we had not enlisted the help of some of the students at the studio. Dancers from the ages of 11 to 17 donated their Saturday afternoons for more than three months to give those special children an unforgettable experience. The only rewards these young volunteers received were the thanks of the parents and the knowledge they had been important in the life of a child.

You often print letters about acts of kindness. Those kids deserve to know how proud of them Joanne and I are. -- JULIE FURR, CANTON, MICH.

DEAR JULIE AND JOANNE: I'm pleased to print your upbeat, heartwarming letter -- and I join you in applauding your student activists. Yours was a program that benefited everyone involved, and it illustrates what a powerful force motivated young adults can be. You have every right to be proud.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the letter you printed saluting military wives and husbands. I, too, am thankful for the dedicated men and women in our armed forces, and for the camaraderie of military families who support each other.

I am also pleased that the armed services have finally realized that the men and women in the services are better soldiers, sailors and Marines when their families are taken care of and watched over.

Nowadays, most military bases have family support organizations that help in these areas, and caring commanders see to it that they are manned and properly working.

A humorous incident occurred when my husband retired from the Air Force some 30 years ago. His commander also gave me a certificate of retirement. As he read the citation, "... devoted, dedicated, unselfish, unwavering ... UNFAITHFUL ... service ..." the entire division erupted with laughter. A red-faced colonel apologized, but it was a day I remember with great amusement. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, COLUMBUS, MISS.

DEAR BTDT: That's why the first rule of public speaking is to never let your mind wander -- even for an instant.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Last month, your column carried a letter about people receiving advertisements for weight-loss products with supposedly "personal" Post-It notes attached, advising the recipient to "Try it, it works!" The notes are never signed with more than an initial. I immediately wrote to thank you for running that letter because I received one of those ads two years ago, and it was hurtful.

Would you believe yet another one of those ads arrived in the mail yesterday? This time it is for a product that will purportedly ignite a man's sexual performance, but the Post-It was omitted. Written in ballpoint pen in the margin was the same little message, signed with the initial "R." Am I supposed to know who "R" is?

What makes this latest mailing laughable is that I am an 86-year-old single woman who has been without a mate for almost 12 years. What do I need this for?

The advertisement featured a picture of a man who is supposed to be a doctor, and a California postmark -- but, of course, no return address. So much for this "amazing formula ... a magical combination of the world's most potent and scientifically documented male sexual restorers."

Dare I hope that you can give this topic more publicity so these ridiculous ads will stop? -- CONCERNED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR CONCERNED: Thank you for sending me the ad. The text reminded me of a bodice-ripper novel. What a hoot!

Things that seem too good to be true often are too good to be true. Therefore, I don't recommend "miracle" products. I don't know whether this one will work or not; however, the one thing that product is sure to "inflate" is the manufacturer's bank balance.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 57 years, who suffered from Alzheimer's disease, is gone now. I was her caretaker until the day before she passed away. Sometimes she would do things that made me angry and I would raise my voice to her. I knew she was not responsible for her actions.

How I wish that instead of raising my voice, I had given her a big hug and told her, "It's all right." I will regret to my dying day that I didn't show her more love and compassion.

Abby, had I known then how I would feel now, I would have hugged her from the time she woke up until she went to sleep. I would like to tell all those who have a partner or a loved one who is incapacitated to love them and adore them even if they don't appear to respond to your love. Please don't wait until it's too late. -- BROKENHEARTED HUSBAND

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Caring for a loved one who cannot give back is bound to try anyone's patience. You are only human with limited emotional resources, and that you occasionally raised your voice is not unforgivable. Please forgive yourself. I'm sure your love overshadowed your lapses. You showed her your love by caring for her steadfastly and apparently lovingly.

Today, it is understood that full-time caregiving can stress people to the breaking point, and caregivers are encouraged to take a break now and then to replenish their souls. Caregivers can be more effective if they can get away for a rest. Services to caregivers are available; the Alzheimer's Association is an excellent resource.

Perhaps others who are now in the situation you were in could benefit from your experience. You might consider volunteering with your local Alzheimer's group.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm sure you'll get a lot of mail about the letter from the man who was accused of sexual harassment after he commented that the bathing suit his child's instructor was wearing had become transparent.

I agree the father should have discussed the transparent suit with his wife or another woman for guidance. You are right; the woman would have nipped the "problem" immediately. However, as a former water safety instructor for the American Red Cross, and a former pool manager at the Piedmont Park Pool for several years (1983-86), I feel the need to comment.

Certified swimming instructors take their jobs seriously. If they do not, they should be dismissed. Their job is to teach water safety to children, adolescents and adults. Women and men learn at a young age which colors become transparent due to contact with water; it is safe to say that light-colored suits (white, tan and yellow) are inappropriate for lifeguards or swimming instructors.

All of that said, I blame the parents (today's society always blames the parents) for allowing their 17-year-old daughter to wear a transparent suit while teaching. Second, I blame her employer for not providing guidance -- a dress code -- as to what is acceptable swimwear. Young women on my staff knew to wear dark-colored suits. The suits had to be functional, not cut high at the legs or low at the chest. The uniform code helped to prevent distraction due to dress -- or lack of it. This would have saved the well-meaning parent, who happened to be male, embarrassment.

My advice to the father: Find another instructor for your daughter and another aquatic facility with a swimming program where safety is the No. 1 job description. -- LAURA E. DeMARS, ATLANTA

DEAR LAURA: You have written a sensible letter -- and believe me, I received fire and brimstone from readers who thought my answer was sexist for not taking the young woman to task. However, one letter in particular did not. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I would like you to know that the young swimming instructor was NOT wearing a transparent suit, but rather a Speedo one-piece. It is the type worn by almost all girls who take part in swimming competition or instruction. The "problem" was not the suit -- it was that she was cold. Even though the dad distorted the facts, he still didn't get the verification he was seeking. His actions were inappropriate and humiliating to the girl. In the future, he should pay attention to his daughter instead of the instructor. Thank you. -- PROUD UNCLE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR PROUD UNCLE: Thank YOU.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's late wife died of pancreatic cancer in 1987. We were married in 1989 and have enjoyed a wonderful life except for one thing: He carries two pictures of her in his wallet.

It's been gnawing at me. Should I just ignore it as I have for the past 11 years, or ask him to remove the pictures? I will do as you advise. -- JUST JULIE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR JUST JULIE: Without anger or criticism, share your feelings with your husband. He may not have any idea how you feel. Tell him you respect his paying tribute to his deceased wife by carrying her photos, but that it would delight you to know he is also carrying pictures of you.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Booklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)