DEAR ABBY: I am a 66-year-old woman, married 48 years. We own a family farm not far from our home, which we share with our daughter and her husband, who are in their 40s. We are a close family and always have been. The farmhouse is old and has never been updated, so my son-in-law has built a shower outside. He works hard when we are there, mowing, etc., and the shower works better for him than a tub bath.

Recently I was sitting in a lawn chair not too far from the shower, and he came in from hours on the tractor in the hot sun and commented that he was going to take a shower. I didn't think he meant just then, but looked up to see him naked in the water. I didn't really mind -- I wasn't offended. Besides, he's a good-looking man, and I'm happy for my daughter. He obviously didn't mind and wasn't the least bit inhibited.

I later mentioned the incident to a group of my friends when we were discussing in-laws. They were very upset with me. They called me a "voyeur" and said I should have excused myself immediately.

Help, Abby. What have I done wrong? -- CONFUSED IN HOUSTON

DEAR CONFUSED: You blabbed the story to your friends. Everything was just fine until then. It's a wise person who learns from her mistakes.

DEAR ABBY: I hope my letter will benefit others.

I am going to be 50 next year, and recently started a job in a 22-story office building. I have never been self-motivated when it comes to exercise. However, I recently hit on the idea of using the stairwell in my office building to get regular exercise, and it is working out very well.

I arrive at work half an hour early and change into shorts and a T-shirt in the washroom. Then I go to the stairwell, and walk up all 22 stories, take the freight elevator down to the bottom and do it again. Sometimes I do it a third time if I have the time and energy to spare. Just walking up gets my heart really pumping, so I thought your readers might appreciate this idea. It's cost-free, convenient and not time-consuming -- unlike going to the club after work.

Because I don't perspire much, I just wipe myself down with a wet paper towel, dry myself with another one, change my underwear, get dressed and go in to work. I am so awake and alive by the time I start the day -- I recommend this to anyone.

The challenge each day is whether I can do it faster than the day before, and there is a real sense of accomplishment when I reach the top. I feel this would not be the case if I just ran around the block a couple of times. -- FIT AND HAPPY IN TORONTO

DEAR F AND H: I commend you for your commitment to personal fitness. However, your regimen could be dangerous to anyone with an undiagnosed heart condition. Those who decide to try it should first consult their doctor about having a stress test.

May I also suggest that most people who exercise strenuously tend to perspire profusely (perhaps more than you think) -- and a sponge bath with a damp paper towel may not be enough to deal with the problem. Out of consideration for your fellow employees, perhaps you should consider running the stairs after work instead of before to avoid the possibility of offending anyone. (Whew!)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It's almost the end of the summer school break, and students who haven't returned to classes may be bored or curious and do something as ignorant and foolish as I did long ago.

Now retired, I was a teacher and administrative assistant. Once, however, I was very heedless and stupid. I have never told this to anyone.

One afternoon, when I was about 12, I was bored to tears. I was in a small study room in a private academy, and somebody had left a book of matches nearby. (This was in the era when smoking anywhere and everywhere was perfectly acceptable.) I had been doodling on some paper and didn't like what I had done, so I tore up the paper. A large ashtray caught my eye -- and I thought, "I'll just pile the scraps in the ashtray, set them on fire, and watch them crumple into ashes like in the movies when someone burns a picture or letter from someone he's angry at!"

To my horror, I found that life is not like a scene in the movies. The little pieces of burning paper quickly scattered red-hot fiery ashes, propelled by some unseen air currents in the room (not expected). I tried stomping them out. The tiny pile of scraps flamed higher, rapidly getting out of control. I became terrified that something else would catch fire and possibly harm someone.

Madly stomping, I finally had the presence of mind to throw a nearby tin pencil box cover on the burning papers in the ashtray. The flames subsided and nothing else was set on fire. However, after that occasion, never did I ever want to strike a match or burn anything. I had learned my lesson, and thank the Lord, neither I nor others were hurt.

The most deadly fires have been started by "children playing with matches." Please, parents, talk to your children. Teach them fire safety and how a fire behaves. Fire is NOT a toy! Take them to your local fire station and have them meet the firefighters. Even let them see how terrible a burn can be in a hospital, where they may also cheer or give a lift to children injured by fire.

I was very lucky. Someone else may not be so fortunate. Please emphasize fire safety and the serious consequences of not treating fire with respect. -- EXTREMELY REPENTANT IN BOSTON

DEAR EXTREMELY REPENTANT: This is the worst forest fire season in half a century in some parts of the country, so thank you for the timely reminder. Children are curious, and they can also be mischievous (surprise!) -- and any parents who haven't discussed fire safety with their families should waste no time in doing so. Too many lives, homes and possession have gone up in smoke because of carelessness or ignorance.

DEAR ABBY: My friends and I have been having a discussion about weddings and how to properly wear your wedding ring. I say the engagement ring comes off before the ceremony, and after the ceremony, the engagement ring goes back on in front of the wedding band. Some of my friends agree with me and others do not.

Can you please tell us which way is the proper way to wear your wedding ring? -- SANDI IN JEROME, IDAHO

DEAR SANDI: The wedding ring is worn closest to your heart. The engagement rings serves as a "guard" for the wedding ring and is worn on the outside.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Here's a new twist to what I believe is an old story. Four years ago, my husband (Jim) passed away, leaving me a widow. A year later, Jim's sister passed away, leaving her husband (John) a widower.

John and I were always good friends, and for three years now we have enjoyed an intimate, compatible friendship. Not unusual, for according to Jewish tradition, a surviving brother-in-law cared for the surviving sister-in-law.

My problem: In many of my anguished dreams, John's wife appears, reclaiming her relationship with John. She asks me what I'm doing in John's bed! While my husband Jim would be more understanding, John's wife wants what was once hers! We argue back and forth over our individual women's rights, while John sits back and says nothing. Eventually, I capitulate! Can you tell me why?

Am I a female milksop? Does being 78 have anything to do with it? How can I dream myself out of this? -- LADY IN L.A.

DEAR LADY: You can't, so let's look at this with our eyes wide open. As much as you enjoy the relationship with your former brother-in-law, I suspect you unconsciously feel some guilt about it. You know his wife wouldn't approve. And because he hasn't made a formal commitment to you, in a sense he still belongs to her. ("He just sits there and says nothing.") I find it interesting that at the end of the dream you "capitulate." Perhaps deep down you feel he will always be hers and never yours.

Instead of trying to "dream" your way out of it, have a talk with John and describe the dream in detail. Then ask him if the relationship is going anywhere. The dream is less important than what's going on in the clear light of day.

DEAR ABBY: I have been working full-time since I was 18. I am now 35. I just left my job as a recruiter where I worked for three years, and have been doing some administrative temp jobs. My problem is nothing seems to excite or fulfill me anymore. I'm not afraid to work hard, but I'm not sure of what kind of work I want to do now.

I have done many different things in the past. I have had my own computer service business, done administrative assisting, been a recruiter. Is something wrong with me? I feel lost right now because I can't pinpoint what I want to do next.

My husband is very supportive. We can survive on his salary, but I have to do something. We have no children yet. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. -- CHRISTIE IN SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CHRISTIE: There is nothing wrong with you, so stop worrying. Career counseling and testing to discover untapped interests and aptitudes could be very helpful. Many colleges and universities offer such programs. Also, since you are not under pressure economically, consider doing some volunteer work to widen your interests, or taking some adult education classes.

Please let me hear from you in six months. I predict you'll be doing something you enjoy.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)