DEAR ABBY: Reading your column is the first order of business in most companies, so please pass this along. There is a scam going on that rips off businesses big and small:

A phone call comes in, usually from a woman who says, "Hi, this is Patty. What is the serial number on your office copier?" DO NOT GIVE OUT THIS INFORMATION. The scam is, the next thing you know a pallet load of copy paper is delivered. It's very low-grade stuff and very high-priced. The invoice will show the serial number.

Many of these invoices are paid due to the paperwork shuffle. The callers will say, "We're updating our records." If you ask for their telephone number for a callback, they hang up. A new twist is that they phone the Chamber of Commerce in the area for member listings and use that information to appear legit.

The person in the office, usually an inexperienced, low-level clerk, gives the information and gets in trouble.

Please pass this on to your readers. Thank you! –-SHIRLEY HOCKING, BUSINESS OWNER, ALAMEDA, CALIF.

DEAR SHIRLEY: Thank you for the warning. A word to the wise is sufficient.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter was murdered 10 years ago. I carry a poem that I found in a newsletter published by the Kansas City Chapter of Parents of Murdered Children. When the situation arises, I show it to people. It speaks for itself, and has been a godsend for me.

Abby, do you think it would comfort others who have lost loved ones and feel alone? –- MARYANNE HUGHES, COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR MARYANNE: I offer my sympathy for the tragic loss of your daughter. Thank you for sending the poem. Printing it may help people to realize that it's not hurtful to talk about a loved one who died –- it's comforting. Read on:

PLEASE ASK

by Barbara Taylor Hudson

Someone asked me about you today.

It's been so long since anyone has done that.

It felt so good to talk about you,

To share my memories of you,

To simply say your name out loud.

She asked me if I minded talking about

What happened to you ...

Or would it be too painful to speak of it.

I told her I think of it every day

And speaking about it helps me to release

The tormented thoughts whirling around in my head.

She said she never realized the pain

Would last this long ...

She apologized for not asking sooner.

I told her, "Thanks for asking."

I don't know if it was curiosity

Or concern that made her ask,

But told her, "Please do it again sometime ...

Soon."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My dear father passed away recently. My mother ordered a headstone in my father's memory from a local business.

By coincidence, my children and I went to visit my father's place of rest in the late afternoon on the day that the headstone was installed. While saying some prayers for my father, my 9-year-old daughter noticed a tag on the headstone. Upon taking a closer look, I discovered that it was a metal business card that had been wedged into the concrete between the base of the headstone and the top portion. The business card had the name and telephone number of the "monument designer" on it.

I immediately pulled the metal business card out of the drying concrete. Had we come to visit my father's place of rest a day later, that advertisement would have been cemented into eternity along with my father's memory.

How dare anyone attempt to take advantage of such a solemn and personal situation to further his business interests! Your comments, please. – DAUGHTER FROM WESTFIELD, N.J.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your letter is a first. A "monument designer" who regards a headstone as a billboard has no concept of the sensitivities of family members who might see it. It's in such poor taste that I almost wonder if it wasn't placed there by his biggest competitor.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both in our 80s. I recently ran across a column of yours that I have saved these many years. I thought you might like to reprint it. Perhaps some grandchildren or their young parents might be helped by it. –- GRANDMA OF SIX

DEAR GRANDMA: The topic of that letter recurs regularly, and you're right –- the grandchildren and young parents who "forgot" this courtesy might be helped by reading it again. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: On my son's 16th birthday, he received a birthday card from his grandparents on his father's side. (His father and I are divorced.) "Grandma Jones" added the following handwritten message on the card: "Sorry, Billy, no money this time because we received no thank-you for the money we sent with our card last year. Lots of love, Grandma and Grandpa Jones."

Abby, although these grandparents are retired and living on a fixed income, they are far from poor. It wouldn't have hurt them to have enclosed a $10 bill. It would have made the difference between my son feeling good or bad on his birthday.

I wrote to my ex-mother-in-law and told her what I thought about her birthday message to Billy. I haven't heard from her since, and I don't expect to.

What do you (and your readers) think about the message a grandmother sent to her grandson on his 16th birthday? –- BURNED UP IN BUTTE

DEAR BURNED: I think Grandma may have given Billy a birthday gift that was far more valuable than a $10 bill.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I are both being married next year. Several people have suggested that we make it a double wedding. We are very close and neither one of us is opposed to the idea, but we are worried it will be too expensive for our guests.

First, do we send separate invitations? Second, would this be too much of a financial burden for our guests? -- TAMPA BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Send only one invitation. Your and your fiance's name should be on it, and your sister's and her fiance's names as well.

A double wedding should not impose an extra financial burden on your guests. In fact, the cost might be less if you consider travel expenses for two separate weddings.

I wish all four of you every happiness on your special day.

DEAR ABBY: I have read many letters about infighting between ex-spouses. My husband's ex-wife approached me after he and I were married, and told me she felt it would be in the children's best interest for us to be friends.

What a great idea! Since that time, three years ago, she and I have talked, shared feelings, exchanged holiday gifts, been nice to each other in front of the kids, and shown them that it's OK to be friends with and to be nice to someone even though there have been bad times between parents.

This has reduced much stress that the kids were experiencing and allows them to tell us how much they love their mother without feeling guilty, embarrassed or nervous. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN ALABAMA

DEAR BTDT: I commend your husband's former wife -- and you -- for your mature decision to set aside personal animosity for the benefit of the children. Many families could learn from your example.

DEAR ABBY: I foolishly left my car unlocked while parked in downtown Boise for the River Festival. Sitting on the front seat was my cell phone and a few CDs. Needless to say, when I returned a few hours later, they were gone.

I immediately called my insurance company to report the theft and was informed that my deductible was more than the value of the stolen items. I was in despair. Then a glimmer of inspiration hit -- I dialed my cell phone number!

Unfortunately for the morally challenged juvenile who stole my property, his mother was standing next to him when his baggy pants started ringing! Let me tell you, after talking to that woman I would not want to be in that boy's shoes!

My phone and CDs were returned the next morning. She stayed to supervise while her son mowed my lawn and washed my cars.

I understand that for the next couple of months he will not be allowed out of the house without a family member. My greatest hope, however, is that the unfortunate incident helped a mother and son realize that a dangerous path loomed ahead -- and that bigger problems in the future were avoided. -- STILL CONNECTED IN BOISE

DEAR STILL CONNECTED: I'm pleased your story had a happy ending. It's risky to leave tempting articles in a parked car even when it is locked. Better to put them out of sight in the trunk.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)