DEAR ABBY: I experienced such an incredible act of kindness and generosity from my co-workers that I feel compelled to share it.

I was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer just seven months after the death of my lovely, sweet mother from the same disease.

Besides being terrified of the disease, I was terrified of the side effects of chemotherapy, especially the hair loss. I work in a busy cancer center at a large hospital, and I have a lot of patient contact. I have observed firsthand the psychological effects suffered by both men and women.

Abby, two wonderful co-workers came up with an idea to help me. One day at work, they surprised me with a "hat and scarf party." My co-workers and people I barely knew gave me the most beautiful accessories. They bought me different colors and patterns of scarves and hats, things I would never have spent money on for myself. I was overwhelmed by their generosity.

When you are first told the diagnosis, shock overtakes you. After the chemo starts, shopping is difficult because the therapy zaps your energy. My hair loss was very traumatic, but because of my co-workers, I already had a wide selection of hats and scarves at my disposal. I will be eternally grateful.

I hope sharing this story will inspire others to do the same for a family member, friend or co-worker who has cancer. There is so much cancer that I'm sure almost every reader will know someone who must undergo chemotherapy. If you want to help but don't know what to do, cook a meal, help with shopping, offer to do laundry or clean the bathroom, or host a hat/scarf party. I guarantee your kindness will be appreciated and boost the morale of the cancer patient.

Abby, I feel very blessed to work with such caring people, so I would like to thank them through your column. Thank you, friends! -- MICHELLE IN DENVER

DEAR MICHELLE: Bless you, and good luck with your therapy. You are in my prayers, and I hope that your treatment will result in full recovery.

DEAR ABBY: My stepson is 18 and living with my husband and me. He is a high school dropout who has been arrested for criminal mischief and theft. He is now out on bail, running up extremely high phone bills calling girls he meets on the Internet.

After several attempts to get my husband to demonstrate tough love, and being met with deaf ears, I finally took it upon myself to cut off our long-distance service to the house. I provided my husband with a 200-minute phone card so he can still call his daughter in Arizona. He is furious with me for doing this "without consulting him," and says I am a control freak. I simply wanted to send a message to his son. Was I wrong in doing this? –- HAD IT IN TEXAS

DEAR HAD IT: If you are the sole support of the household, then you were within your rights. However, if you both work and share the bills or he brings home the paycheck, you should have discussed your plan with him first.

Perhaps your husband feels guilty for the way his son has turned out, and that's the reason he has failed to take a firm stand with him. This young man is putting your marriage in danger. You and your husband would be doing yourselves a big favor to get marriage counseling –- and family counseling –- until his "boy" is either straightened out or is off to the pokey.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Reading your column is the first order of business in most companies, so please pass this along. There is a scam going on that rips off businesses big and small:

A phone call comes in, usually from a woman who says, "Hi, this is Patty. What is the serial number on your office copier?" DO NOT GIVE OUT THIS INFORMATION. The scam is, the next thing you know a pallet load of copy paper is delivered. It's very low-grade stuff and very high-priced. The invoice will show the serial number.

Many of these invoices are paid due to the paperwork shuffle. The callers will say, "We're updating our records." If you ask for their telephone number for a callback, they hang up. A new twist is that they phone the Chamber of Commerce in the area for member listings and use that information to appear legit.

The person in the office, usually an inexperienced, low-level clerk, gives the information and gets in trouble.

Please pass this on to your readers. Thank you! –-SHIRLEY HOCKING, BUSINESS OWNER, ALAMEDA, CALIF.

DEAR SHIRLEY: Thank you for the warning. A word to the wise is sufficient.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest daughter was murdered 10 years ago. I carry a poem that I found in a newsletter published by the Kansas City Chapter of Parents of Murdered Children. When the situation arises, I show it to people. It speaks for itself, and has been a godsend for me.

Abby, do you think it would comfort others who have lost loved ones and feel alone? –- MARYANNE HUGHES, COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR MARYANNE: I offer my sympathy for the tragic loss of your daughter. Thank you for sending the poem. Printing it may help people to realize that it's not hurtful to talk about a loved one who died –- it's comforting. Read on:

PLEASE ASK

by Barbara Taylor Hudson

Someone asked me about you today.

It's been so long since anyone has done that.

It felt so good to talk about you,

To share my memories of you,

To simply say your name out loud.

She asked me if I minded talking about

What happened to you ...

Or would it be too painful to speak of it.

I told her I think of it every day

And speaking about it helps me to release

The tormented thoughts whirling around in my head.

She said she never realized the pain

Would last this long ...

She apologized for not asking sooner.

I told her, "Thanks for asking."

I don't know if it was curiosity

Or concern that made her ask,

But told her, "Please do it again sometime ...

Soon."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My dear father passed away recently. My mother ordered a headstone in my father's memory from a local business.

By coincidence, my children and I went to visit my father's place of rest in the late afternoon on the day that the headstone was installed. While saying some prayers for my father, my 9-year-old daughter noticed a tag on the headstone. Upon taking a closer look, I discovered that it was a metal business card that had been wedged into the concrete between the base of the headstone and the top portion. The business card had the name and telephone number of the "monument designer" on it.

I immediately pulled the metal business card out of the drying concrete. Had we come to visit my father's place of rest a day later, that advertisement would have been cemented into eternity along with my father's memory.

How dare anyone attempt to take advantage of such a solemn and personal situation to further his business interests! Your comments, please. – DAUGHTER FROM WESTFIELD, N.J.

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your letter is a first. A "monument designer" who regards a headstone as a billboard has no concept of the sensitivities of family members who might see it. It's in such poor taste that I almost wonder if it wasn't placed there by his biggest competitor.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both in our 80s. I recently ran across a column of yours that I have saved these many years. I thought you might like to reprint it. Perhaps some grandchildren or their young parents might be helped by it. –- GRANDMA OF SIX

DEAR GRANDMA: The topic of that letter recurs regularly, and you're right –- the grandchildren and young parents who "forgot" this courtesy might be helped by reading it again. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: On my son's 16th birthday, he received a birthday card from his grandparents on his father's side. (His father and I are divorced.) "Grandma Jones" added the following handwritten message on the card: "Sorry, Billy, no money this time because we received no thank-you for the money we sent with our card last year. Lots of love, Grandma and Grandpa Jones."

Abby, although these grandparents are retired and living on a fixed income, they are far from poor. It wouldn't have hurt them to have enclosed a $10 bill. It would have made the difference between my son feeling good or bad on his birthday.

I wrote to my ex-mother-in-law and told her what I thought about her birthday message to Billy. I haven't heard from her since, and I don't expect to.

What do you (and your readers) think about the message a grandmother sent to her grandson on his 16th birthday? –- BURNED UP IN BUTTE

DEAR BURNED: I think Grandma may have given Billy a birthday gift that was far more valuable than a $10 bill.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)