DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Kelly in Temecula," whose dog died as a result of eating a kitchen towel, touched my heart. I have been an emergency and critical-care veterinarian for many years, and her story is not uncommon. However, your warning left out an important point.

In her letter, Kelly said that for two or three days her dog wouldn't eat or drink, was lethargic and vomiting. Abby, if a dog vomits once and returns to normal, that's OK. However, if it vomits and is lethargic and anorexic, or vomits multiple times, the situation becomes an emergency.

Do not wait until it is convenient to see your family vet. Prompt medical care can be lifesaving, and also cost-effective. In almost every area of the country, there are qualified emergency veterinary hospitals to help your pet at night and on weekends, or even when your vet is booked up during the day.

Emergency vets work with your family vet -- we do not compete. If your pet is stable and can wait to be seen by your family vet, you will be given that option. Consider the emergency examination fee a small price to pay for your peace of mind.

Emergency facilities can be found in the yellow pages of the phone book or by calling your family vet's office at any time. Most will have an after-hours answering machine with instructions and referrals to the nearest emergency hospital that they recommend. All emergency hospitals are happy to give advice over the phone, help you determine the seriousness of the situation, and even recommend first aid. That is our job.

The phone number of a local emergency animal hospital is one all pet owners should keep handy. Many emergency hospitals give out free refrigerator magnets for this purpose. -- MITZI M. HOWARD, D.V.M.

DEAR DR. HOWARD: It has been many years since I was a pet owner, and I was not aware that this terrific service existed. I'll bet many of my readers are also unaware of it.

Thank you for a letter that is sure to be a real lifesaver not only for a four-footed friend, but also its two-footed guardian.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to be married in August. My fiance, "Dexter," wants a simple courthouse wedding. I want a traditional wedding. I have compromised and am trying to keep it as cheap as possible -- under $2,000.

Dexter will have nothing to do with the planning because he thinks it is a waste of money. How can I make him understand that a nice wedding is important to me? This is supposed to be the biggest and best event of our lives. -- LORRAINE IN MISSOURI

DEAR LORRAINE: Your fiance's values are very different from yours. You have compromised for him, and he should be willing to do the same for you. Before making any more wedding plans, please consider this: If you can't reach a "happy" compromise about your wedding, what will your future be like with this man?

CONFIDENTIAL TO "GYM-PHOBIC" IN GALVESTON: Follow your doctor's orders and try again. Keep repeating the following mantra: "Behind every beautiful woman is a beautiful behind." Take it from me -- it works!

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to apologize to the man I cut off in merging traffic on the interstate the other day.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off. I saw your mouth moving 100 miles a minute and the anger contorting your face. I got back in the other lane as quickly as I could, and I want you to know I was scared to death when you pulled up beside me and started honking the horn. We were approaching a slow-moving semi, and I was terrified you might run me off the road.

You honked for quite a while. I didn't look over because I knew it wouldn't do any good. I knew I had cut you off, and I'm sorry for that, but your forcing me into a dangerous path on the interstate was not safe for either of us. I was afraid if I turned to look at you, you would pull a gun on me or run me into the ditch. I wanted to focus on driving, but instead, I had to concentrate on a car locking me into a lane, honking at me, swearing at me. I was afraid you would damage my car or maybe follow me home.

Both of our actions were dangerous to other people, but there is a difference between them. I cut you off by accident; your reaction was reckless and intentional. The next time you are in a similar situation, I hope you'll extend a little mercy. It would be beneficial not only to the person in my position, but to the rest of the people trying to travel safely on the road. -- GIRL IN THE BLUE CAR

DEAR GIRL: Your letter carries an important message. Incidents of road rage are all too common, and the guilty parties are both male and female. Rudeness on the roadway, overreaction to the careless driving habits of others, immaturity and sheer recklessness are invitations to tragedy. I sometimes think it wouldn't hurt if reciting the Golden Rule were mandatory before being allowed to pass the driving test. That way people would be driving "under the influence" of something positive.

DEAR ABBY: This may top the letter about the couple who invited friends to their anniversary party and used the cash the guests put on their money tree to finance their divorce.

I was recently invited to a bridal shower. The mother wrote on all the invitations, "I have purchased ALL the gifts my daughter would like. So please come to my house to purchase the gifts from me."

How is that for nerve? All of the gifts were expensive. Most of the invitees felt obligated to buy them and did so with great resentment.

The daughter is a spoiled, pretentious brat -- but mother and daughter got what they wanted. I dare anyone to top this one. -- TICKED OFF IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR TICKED OFF: Feeling as you do about the bride and her mother, why did you attend the shower? Are these people you plan on having anything to do with in the future? I'm surprised you allowed yourself to be used that way when you could have "round-filed" the invitation.

P.S. Be careful when you toss down the gauntlet and ask if anyone can top a social gaffe. Someone is usually able to do it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child in two months. I have been reading parent and child safety books, and several topics have come up that concern me.

My in-laws live in an old house that appears to be structurally unsafe. It has unusually steep stairwells, peeling paint on the walls that I fear may be lead-based -- and over all, the place is filthy. They also have a dog who has a history of biting people -- myself and my husband included.

Once, a few years ago, my husband and I stayed in a motel rather than with them, and we still haven't heard the end of it!

I am concerned for our child's safety. Is there a nice way of telling my in-laws that we will not be bringing our new baby to their home for visits? (Please don't use my name or location. I have enough grief from my mother-in-law as it is.) -- DISTRESSED FIRST-TIME MOM

DEAR DISTRESSED: There is no "nice" way to tell your in-laws that their house is a health hazard and their beloved pet is a menace. Express your concerns, advise them of your decision, and don't back down.

Your baby's welfare must come first -- and it's your responsibility as parents to protect your child. Invite them to visit the baby in YOUR home -- sans the dog.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my husband went into business with a close friend. Since then, he refuses to let me see any financial statements, including the 1099 form used for filing income taxes. He says my wanting to see these records proves I don't trust him.

I love him and want to believe him, but I have my doubts. His partner's wife told me my husband is lying. She says he earns far more than he tells me. I've never seen a payroll stub.

Every week, he gives me money to pay the bills and buy groceries. In turn, I give him "pocket money" for the week -- usually $5 to $10 a day. He says he's glad I take the money because I manage it well.

Abby, why would he lie to me? Shouldn't married people know each other's incomes? -- FEELING UNEASY IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR FEELING UNEASY: Your husband's reluctance to show you financial statements indicates that he doesn't trust YOU with the knowledge of his true financial status. Of course married couples should know where they stand financially.

Refuse to sign any tax forms unless you have reviewed them and understand them completely. You are as liable as your husband is for any inaccuracies or misinformation. If your husband gives you an argument, consult a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I have been sworn to secrecy by my husband's 70-year-old grandmother. She was recently diagnosed with emphysema, and she doesn't want me to tell the family.

I am torn because I think my husband and his family should be emotionally and financially prepared. On the other hand, she swore me to secrecy because she doesn't want to be a burden to the family. Please help. -- PERPLEXED IN COLORADO

DEAR PERPLEXED: It's unfair for you to carry this burden of secrecy. Talk to her doctor and ask him or her to encourage Grandma to tell her family the whole truth now.

Abby shares her favorite recipes in a two-booklet set. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $7.90 per set ($9 per set in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)