DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old woman. I worked as a nurse in a psychiatric hospital for five years. Last month, I had an affair -- a one-night stand -- with a former patient whom I met in the hospital. It was discovered, and a week later, I was fired.

Abby, I swear nothing inappropriate ever took place while the man was a patient in the hospital. We only talked. Hospital management didn't believe me and gave me no choice but to "resign." Now I hear there are terrible rumors circulating about me.

Fortunately, my husband is standing beside me as I try to get on with my life. I feel like I have committed a felony and don't know how to forgive myself. -- MADE A MISTAKE IN MARYLAND

DEAR MADE A MISTAKE: You don't need me to tell you

that you committed a serious breach of professional ethics. Doctors, nurses, social workers and other health-care professionals must not have a physical relationship with their patients. Psychiatric patients are particularly vulnerable.

You and your husband would benefit from professional marriage counseling. It's important that you find out why you took a risk that sabotaged your professional future and compromised your marriage vows, so that you can understand and be able to forgive yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Rudy" is 42 years old and still depends on me and his sisters to give him money to survive. He is an only son and brother and has always expected it from us.

Rudy never married and recently started living on his own, although he doesn't own much of anything. One of his sisters was generous enough to purchase a home for him to live in, but he refused to move to where the house is located.

He doesn't own a car, and I guess he is waiting for one of us to get one for him. In the past, we have bought him cars and trucks, along with beautiful clothing -- and he has nothing to show for it. All of us in the family have bent over backward to help him get on his feet.

Abby, what can we do to make Rudy understand that he needs to take care of himself without help from us? His sisters have cut him off; however, I am still trying to do the best for me AND for him. Your thoughts, please. -- NO NAME IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NO NAME: Your son is old enough to be told the facts of life. Show him the help-wanted ads and point out entry-level positions. The gravy train has left the station, and now Rudy must stand on his own two feet.

P.S. He may need professional counseling to break his lifelong dependency on others. Let's hope it's the last thing you'll have to pay for.

DEAR ABBY: I love my wife dearly, but she has chronic bad breath -- and I mean BAD. I have tried talking to her about it; she just shrugs it off or says I hurt her feelings.

Every morning when I leave the house for work, she asks for a goodbye kiss and I reluctantly oblige. Please tell me what to do, Abby. It would be nice to enjoy a sweet kiss again. -- GASPING FOR AIR

DEAR GASPING: Perhaps you should change your approach. Tell your wife gently that you're concerned about her health, and you'd like her to get a thorough exam from both her doctor and dentist. Bad breath can be a sign of serious dental or medical problems and should not be ignored.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In the next couple of weeks -- after the mandatory one-year separation -- my divorce will be final. During this past year, I finally told my best friend, whom I wanted to marry in the first place, how I feel about him. He responded with great joy and told me he has felt the same way about me for many years. We are extremely happy together. He loves spending time with me doing the same things I enjoy, which is the basis of our friendship. He loves my daughter and has similar goals and dreams to mine. My relationship with him is the exact opposite of the one I had with my ex-husband.

My problem is my ex wants to give me away at my next wedding. When I told him I wanted our 20-month-old toddler to walk down the aisle with me, he said no because he wants to be the one to do it. Then he added that it's his "right" to give me away since he's my husband. My fiance and I don't even want my ex to attend because we're afraid he will cause trouble. He's angry with my fiance because he was the best man when my ex and I married.

I am considering allowing him to walk me down the aisle, because our daughter might want him at the wedding even though he rarely sees her.

I feel guilty not wanting my ex at the wedding, but I will finally be marrying the man I wish I'd married in the first place, and I want that day to be fun and happy.

What do you think about my ex's demand, Abby? -- CONFUSED IN BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA

DEAR CONFUSED: At the time of your wedding, your former husband will no longer be your husband, and his claim that he has the "right" to give you away is ludicrous. Don't let him pull the wool over your eyes.

Since your daughter doesn't often see her father, she probably won't miss him on your wedding day.

Don't feel guilty for not wanting your ex at your wedding. I have a hunch that one of the reasons you divorced him was his controlling behavior. Don't take the chance that he could do anything to spoil your wedding. Definitely omit him from the guest list.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letter from the "Cozy Couple in California" who hates single beds, I'm reminded of our first visit to our son and daughter-in-law's newly purchased home.

The guest room was furnished with twin beds. Before retiring, my husband and I maneuvered them together across the short span of hardwood floor.

Trying to get settled, we reached toward each other for a good-night snuggle. The beds parted, and I landed on the floor between the beds. Thank heavens I wasn't hurt.

After a good laugh, my resourceful husband (sadly, now deceased) found his socks and tied the legs of the beds together to make a luxurious king-size bed. -- MARIAN IN LAKE ALFRED, FLA.

DEAR MARIAN: I admire his resourcefulness, and your ability to "bounce back" with humor after hitting the floor.

DEAR ABBY: Is it ever proper for a mother and/or an aunt to walk the bride down the aisle? -- ALL-FEMALE FAMILY

DEAR ALL: Certainly. It's usually done when the father is absent or deceased and no male figure is as close to the bride as the mother or aunt.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a widow who lives in the home she shared with her husband. His will allows her to live there as long as she wishes or until she remarries. At that time, the title will pass to the children from her husband's first marriage.

Some time ago, the stepchildren offered to "buy her out" for a substantial sum. It was a one-time offer, and she did not accept. Now she's taken the position that anyone who marries her must pay her the amount that was offered her.

Abby, I own my own home and would like to marry this woman, but I cannot bring myself to accept her terms. I feel I may as well shop for a wife by catalog, which I would never do.

Please tell me what you think about this. I don't want to be taken advantage of. -- CONFUSED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFUSED: Your lady friend's demand gives new meaning to the term "creative financing." A person who insists on a real estate deal before agreeing to marriage is negotiating a business deal, not a lifetime commitment. My advice: Run for the hills!

DEAR ABBY: I am a brand-new mom, excited about celebrating my child's first birthday. My mother-in-law is an extremely creative person and has decorated all of her grandchildren's birthday cakes. I know she will insist on making the cake and decorating it the way she would like. However, I'd really like to make the cake myself because I'm the mom, and it's my child's first birthday.

There will be a lot of relatives and friends at the party, and I don't want the cake to become an issue. Do I let my mother-in-law carry on her tradition, or would it be OK if I bake and decorate the cake for my child? -- NEW MOM IN OHIO

DEAR NEW MOM: Plan the party, decide on the theme, tell your mother-in-law what the theme of the party will be, and let that wonderful woman do what she does best. Then thank the Lord you have such a generous and creative person in your life. You are fortunate, indeed.

P.S. Ask your mother-in-law to show you how it's done so the tradition doesn't die when she is gone.

DEAR ABBY: Ever since I saw the movie "Schindler's List," I have been curious about why small stones were placed on the grave markers in the Jewish cemetery. I wish it had been explained at the end of the movie, but it wasn't. I'm sure many other people wondered about it just as I did. Can you tell me the reason? -- CURIOUS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CURIOUS: According to Rabbi Bentzion Kravitz in Beverly Hills, there are two reasons -- practical and mystical. Practically speaking, stones signify that someone has visited the grave to honor the deceased. The stones are placed in lieu of flowers, the money going to charity.

Looking at it from the mystical perspective, the body returns to dust, and the soul returns to God.

DEAR ABBY: You periodically print letters about "random acts of kindness," and I'd like to share my experience.

A few years ago I had to use a walker before having hip replacement surgery. A young man in the post office parking lot saw me struggling to get my leg into the car. He ran over, lifted my leg into the car, and went one step further -- he tucked my long coat under my bottom! -- PATRICIA IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PATRICIA: All I can say is, that young man had his HEART in the right place.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)