DEAR ABBY: Please help me get this message out to the thousands of former prisoners of war from World War II and the Korean War.

As a former POW shot down over Germany in World War II, I am now a volunteer helping other ex-POWs to present their claims to our Department of Veterans Affairs. Over the past 25 years, congressional legislation has identified more than 20 maladies caused by prisoner-of-war experiences in Japan, Germany and Korea. Special benefits are available to all former POWs suffering from heart disease, residual frostbite, malnutrition, post-traumatic arthritis, delayed stress, neuropathy and other maladies.

Only one-third of ex-POWs have responded to the Department of Veterans Affairs for their entitlements. This means there are thousands of veterans in their 70s and 80s who are not aware that this help is available to them. We, who are accredited American ex-POW service officers, stand ready to help them present their well-grounded claims to the Veterans Administration.

To get help, they should contact Clyde Moran, National Headquarters, American Ex-Prisoners of War, 3201 E. Pioneer Parkway, Suite 40, Arlington, Texas 76010-5396. Telephone: (817) 649-2979; or e-mail to pow(at)flash.net. -- FRED L. CAMPBELL, SERVICE OFFICER, SAN ANGELO, TEXAS

DEAR FRED: Your message is an important one, and many veterans and their families will thank you for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mom of a 6-year-old boy. My son spends every Wednesday night and every other weekend with his dad.

Lately I've been going dancing and have met some single dads and dads in the midst of divorce. One of the complaints I often hear from them is that when they have regular, scheduled visits with their kids, they end up having to "run them all over town" -- to soccer, swimming, etc. It seems lost on them that that's what most moms do!

An example: My son's class lottery system chose Wednesday evening for his swimming class. However, my son's father didn't want to take him there, even though it fell on the night of his weekly visit. Imagine my little boy's disappointment. There is nothing more special to him than having his favorite person in the whole world -- his dad -- watch him swim.

This is not an issue of men vs. women, or ex vs. ex. It's about custodial vs. noncustodial parents. Of course, I understand when special plans interfere, but I don't understand why noncustodial parents feel that children should forgo their regular events during the time shared with them.

I do the best I can to make our home complete, but I cannot fill the shoes of my son's father. Abby, please encourage noncustodial parents to take an active part in those special times, even if it is inconvenient. Don't insist upon making your children sacrifice what they enjoy most. -- TACOMA MOM

DEAR TACOMA MOM: Well said. Your ex-husband's attitude is not only selfish, but he's also missing out on an important opportunity to make his son feel special and successful. He'll never get this chance again.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We live in a nice, settled neighborhood in a small town. We bought our home 20 years ago. Our neighbors are lovely people. A couple of years ago after a robbery in which some sports equipment was taken from their detached garage, they installed a security light.

Abby, their security light spills over into our back yard. Our patio and pool can no longer be used at night because of the glare. The light also shines into our guest room, both of our bathrooms, through our dining room windows into our kitchen and living room, as well as the master bedroom. We are forced to use heavy shades or drapes in our home.

We've done everything to block the light, but a guest recently commented that we don't use our back yard as much as we used to. (We can't because of the bright light.) Our guest said he had heard many people complain about neighbors' security lights infringing on their property.

Can you please help us spread the word that before installing those beacons, neighbors should consider how such a light will affect the families who live on the adjacent property? The neighbors should discuss it together to determine if it will adversely affect the lifestyle of the neighborhood. With honest communication, perhaps a solution that everyone can live with will come to light.

We want our neighbors to feel secure, but we want our lifestyle back. What can we do about their light pollution? -- LIVING IN THE LIGHT AGAINST OUR WILL

DEAR LIVING: Discuss the problem calmly with your neighbors. Although they must be aware of the light on your property, they may not have considered alternatives such as shifting the light's position, motion detector lights, or adding shields that redirect the light from your house and yard back to theirs. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: A close friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. (I'll call her Tina.) There will be only three girls in Tina's wedding party -- the maid of honor, another bridesmaid and me.

The three of us are planning a bridal shower, but Tina's mother is being difficult. She insists we host the shower at an elegant restaurant. Since the guest list numbers more than 40 people, we had planned to have it at a modest restaurant with a banquet hall we can more easily afford.

Tina's mom is insisting on the restaurant she has selected, even though she has made it clear that it will be our responsibility to foot the entire bill. Last night, she called Tina's maid of honor and started yelling at her about it.

Are we responsible for throwing an extravagant shower we can't afford? -- WEDDING SHOWER BLUES

DEAR BLUES: Under no circumstances should you allow yourselves to be intimidated into paying for a shower you cannot comfortably afford. Invite the bride's mother to the lovely shower you are hosting in the banquet hall. It's up to her whether she wants to attend or not. If she wants to upgrade the restaurant, she should ante up the difference, not you.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'm delighted to tell you about a special book that's hot off the presses this month titled "War Letters: Extraordinary Correspondence From American Wars" (Scribner). It features never-before-seen letters from the Civil War, World War I, World War II, Korea, Vietnam, the Persian Gulf and even Bosnia. It is edited by a dedicated young man named Andy Carroll.

What makes this book so special is that YOU helped to write it.

Several years ago I told you about Andy's all-volunteer organization, the Legacy Project, that honors and remembers America's veterans by preserving their war letters. I encouraged you to look through your closets, attics and basements for old war correspondence and to send photocopies of anything historic, impassioned or dramatic to Andy's attention.

The response was overwhelming. Tens of thousands of remarkable letters were received, and 200 of them are being published, all for the first time, in "War Letters." I am struck by the power and eloquence of the letters you contributed. Many are inspiring, some are heartbreaking, all of them are unforgettable.

These letters celebrate our greatest American values -- honor, faith, courage and perseverance. They remind us that wars are won not by generals and presidents, but by the individual soldiers, Marines, sailors, airmen, Coast Guard and nurses whose voices are so often forgotten. They are our true heroes. "War Letters" lets their voices be heard.

All earnings from this book are being donated to veterans groups, and Andy has established a Web site -- www.warletters.com -- that offers free information on how to safeguard your old letters, as well as links to respected organizations that preserve wartime letters, photos and journals.

Future generations of Americans need to understand and appreciate the high cost of freedom. This book is a lasting tribute to our men and women in uniform and the enormous sacrifices they have made for all of us. It is available in your local bookstore.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gentleman in my late 70s who prefers wearing athletic shoes because I find them comfortable. I wear them not only around the house, but when shopping, dining out, going to the movies, etc.

For some reason, wearing white socks with them causes my feet and ankles to itch (perhaps due to an allergy). Therefore, I wear colored socks -- black, blue, brown -- you get the picture.

My problem: My children, who are all married with kids of their own, are forever telling me I look like a "dork"! They say that colored socks should never be worn with athletic shoes. Please don't advise me to switch to leather shoes, as they are hard on my feet.

How can I make my children understand that I am not trying to be a misfit, but only trying to be comfortable in my "golden years"? -- NO SLAVE TO FASHION IN SAN MARCOS

DEAR NO SLAVE: My "fashion experts" tell me that if people can see your socks, your trousers may be too short. However, if that's not your problem, consider that athletic shoes come in a variety of color combinations, and you can always coordinate your shoes and socks to match your outfit.

P.S. Consult a podiatrist about foot powder to relieve what's itching you.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)